No More Mr Nice Blog

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE

2006-05-25T09:51:00.000+01:00

I have moved. To save you the trouble of checking my profile the new address is here. Don't be alarmed. New Blog pretty much like this one. Please read first post to understand what the hell this is all about.

*drum roll* HERE IT IS

Are you EXCITED!!!!!

Yeah well, its about to be knocked out of you... enjoy.

And for die-hard fans here is another blog of mine which is just for silly thoughts and stuff. I haven't written much. You are welcome to come. Just please remove your shoes before entering. I thank you.

2006-04-21T19:56:00.000+01:00

Didn't ~~really~~ do much. At all. Play doh. Read whale books. Watched St. Dave on DVD (again). Read CCF. That's it.

OOh but guess what - four men tried to break into our house last night at 3am in the morning - that's exciting, eh? Ane given that we live on a well-lit major A-road with regular police cars driving past one can only assume they have nerves of steel to try it on. Alhamdulillah DH heard them and turned the light on and they scarpered - he said they looked like four fully grown men - not kids - so naturally I'm now a bit anxious - especially as a friend on the end of our street *was* broken into a few days ago. What to do. Life in "civilisation".

2006-04-20T19:56:00.000+01:00

You HAVE. TO. SEE. THIS. POST. I PMRFLMAO. Go see and let me know what you think.

Here it is

New Rant

2006-04-20T18:35:00.000+01:00

OK here we go.

Thats pretty much how I raise me kids. I want them to know the way I do things is my choice and they may not do the same as me as they have free will and freedom to choose. Tis not like that for a lot of kids brought up in religious families though is it?

I'm going to just try and attempt to give my children a kind of education in different religions, so that they can understand how people believe in different things and they all think that what they believe in is right for them. Hopefully, it'll lead them to be tolerant of the multitude of religions we have in the world.
It saddens me how religion has been the cause of so much bloodshed over so many centuries and still is.

Read these comments on another blog and thought I'd share my ideas on this here.

There are myths surrounding religion which all secular people are indoctrinated with at birth. I know this because I imbibed them without even having to chew from when I was knee-high and I took these assumptions as Truth. The biggest lie/assumption there is is that religion has caused ALL the misery on this planet and that without religion we all hold hands and live as one in harmony and blah blah blah

I want to do my bit to halt that bull right now. Religion, like anything, is a tool. In the hands of the spiritually minded and morally inclined it is a tool to purify the self, to cleanse the soul and to attain nearness to their Beloved, Allah/God. This is what the tool of religion came to do. But as with all tools if placed in the hand of a moron it can weild great harm. If placed in the hand of a materialist who seeks only self-glorification, riches, fame and power then religion, like anything, can be used for great harm and manipulation. It isn't the religion that is at fault, it is the misuse of the religion which is the culprit, and this is as much a crime against God as it is against humanity and each and every individual who takes religion as a tool for self-glorification or as a means of oppression and manipulation will find that waiting for him at his grave, will face the Owner of Truth and have to find a sufficient excuse on Judgement Day. There is no excuse and quite rightly these oppressors will see where their scheming gets them.

It isn't the religion that is to blame, it is the lack of belief in it in the first place which causes misery. Allah says do not oppress, engage in acts of aggression, feed the orphan and the poor one lying in the dust and treat all people with absolute justice and equality. If people adhered to religion, believed in and practiced it as it was meant to be practised there would be nothing but peace. Unfortunately it is disbelief in Judgement Day and the fact that every atom of good and every atom of bad is taken into account and seen that leads people to commit great abominations.

Those who seek the "delights" of this world will utilise any tool to get what they want. In the first inception of man's progress this tool of convenience was 'religion', but at today's stage far more violence and materialistic pursuits can be legitimised with politics with little or no reference to religion. And if we think about that assertion a bit further, espcially viz-a-viz the 20th Century and the era of secularism, far more deaths and violence were perpetrated in the name of nationalism, humanism and secularism than EVER have been in the name of religion.
Communism, Nazism, World War I, World War II, Hiroshama, Nagasaki - none of these were religious movements or events yet put together they killed millions upon millions of innocent people - secularists and non-religious people have killed MORE people in one century than so-called "religious" people throughout the eons preceding them combined.

In fact, let's take this further, if we look at the world today with it's uneven distribution of wealth and resources we can make a very confident assertion that more people die as a direct result of third world debt than have ever died because of religion. And was the debt and interest incurred instigated because of religion? No. It was instigated by secularists and greedy governments who care more about making sure that 80% of the world's resources end up in the USA and Europe than they care about human rights and living standards for the vast majority of the world's population. Religion (Islam) actually FORBIDS usury so under a religious world third world debt would simply NOT exist - how many millions of innocent lives would that one religious ruling alone have saved??

Materialism is killing more people than religion ever has, so don't fall for that one-liner - don't throw the baby out with the bath-water. Religion, as far as I see it, is the perfect method of self-improvement. With religion man becomes a true man, living a dignified existence in moral excellence. We were all created for a purpose - this universe was not created by chance, nor was it created for no reason. There is a reason why it is here and why were created that only religion can help us to unfathom.

I never liked religion until I realised that there is a distinction between Institution and dogma, and the real content which it contains. The sufis have a saying "don't mistake the container for the content". What's inside is more important than what holds it.

Dogma exists in ALL spheres of human interaction - including the scientific fields. Does that mean we get rid of science? You have people abusing money - do we get rid of money? You have people abusing children - should we make having children forbidden??!

Tools can be used in a variety of ways. Instead of villifying the tools let us instead try to put the tools to their correct usage - in that way we might get somewhere.

Regarding teaching children ALL religion and letting them choose - poor my children have to have just ONE faith to believe in. This is seen as BAD. Why? Do you let your children choose their meals? Whether or not to clean their teeth? Whether to have vaccinations and medical treatment?? Whether to receive an education at all? In all these spheres I have never heard anyone say "Lets not feed/clothe/innoculate/remedy little Johny - that's oppressive - let's wait til he's old enough to choose these things himself".

From my experience it is the children who are taught that EVERYTHING is valid who are most confused - how can two opposing doctrine both be true? It makes everything meaningless. That's like saying you can have both black and white at the same time. But two entities diametrically opposed cannot both be true. From a purely technical point this means that what one is the other cannot be. For example, “white” is total light, the incorporation of all colours; “black” is absence of light and absence of any colour whatsoever. They cannot possibly be both things at the same time since they include each other’s negation. To be one would cancel the other. You cannot, ergo, have a ‘black-white’ since in essence this is meaningless – you haven’t understood what black or white is if you think you can have both at the same time.

I had no religious teaching at all, and I have never heard of many people who honestly teach their children ALL religions - not in an honest way - and I've only met one woman who intends to teach her children Islam. Something gives at the end of the day.

OK. I'm done.

Did nothing much

2006-04-20T16:36:00.000+01:00

Started Charlie Chocolate and already he's hooked. A can see his wide eyes when I'm reading that he wants to know more ;-)

I got him to recap what we did yesterday and what we learned. He got it all right and bang on. Played play doh then in the afternoon we put all our experiment work onto paper then covered the bowhead whale and the humpback whale.

We had a little conversation today about the girl next door - he told me that the other day he told her what to say before eating (allahuma rizq barakallah) and what you say when you finish eating (alhamdulillah). And I said "that's nice - why did you tell her that?" and he said (with a silly grin), "Coz I want her to be Muslim" (Uh oh - potential marriage partner lined up??!), and I said, "Oh how considerate of you - and what did she say?" and he said, "She said, 'I'm not muslim I come from Portugal'" LOL. Aw.

Oh well. Think I'll read him some more Charlie insha'allah and do some weaving.

[EDIT: read some more CCF and a Muslim Story book which introduced the concepts of guilt and innocence and the need for proof/evidence and the idea that we are innocent until proven guilty. Then I asked him if he hit his brother and he said, 'no mother - I am innocent' LOL - I think he gets it. Then we read a lovely book about an Eagle and role played animal things]

My word verfication is VYPEZ - is this what German people have on their cars to clean the VINDSCREEN? :P

Jaws update

2006-04-20T16:20:00.000+01:00

For when I want to look back here is what the tiniest man in my life is up to:

1. Crawling is for wimps, which is what has been doing since 5 months old. Since his first commando style crawling using elbows and keeping close to the ground (must be his SAS training kicking in) we have progressed to "proper" crawling on hands and knees. This is good for two reasons - 1) it is just too damn cute to see him pad down and slap the floor with his chunky little hands and I have to refrain myself from biting him, 2) his clothes are a LOT cleaner now that he isn't the human mop boy.

2. Furniture walking was commenced at 8 months and we have now progressed to furniture circuit training, furniture marathon walking, furniture running and furniture CLIMBING. He can now get on the sofa (and off if he falls) and hurls himself over objects to get to choking hazards. He is the midget equivalent of a whippet and had he any teeth he would resemble a terrier with his ability and agility to cross the room in a flash.

3. The walker is now used for pushing whilst walking on the outside as he looks smugly over his shoulder at us as if to say "look what I can do.... you suckers are in trouble now..."

4. He talks. Yes, my genius baby talks. OK, no one understands him but he has words which we know what he means. So far we have:

ba-ba = bo-bo (sleep time)
baaaaaaaaaaa = book (put it in my gob)
baa = ball
Puh = the leapfrog frog which has one letter that says "puh" (the P if you need telling)
bum-bah = dropped it/ fallen
krrrr = a spinning top which makes that noise
mamamamama = me
he blows air at one toy which has a blow hole
he blows air to mean light - and he wants the shade to move
he also has a name for his brother
[EDIT: He also says sssssssss = snake and
makes kissing noises when you've kissed him... ah

5. He likes to pull my hair and inflict pain. A lot.

6. He loves peekaboo.

7. He still rips posters off the wall and giggles at me when I say "no"

8. I have deduced from this that he is a monkey.

Enough.

No

2006-04-19T19:44:00.000+01:00

I didn't make Boss' light myself for those of you who think I am remotely that talented. You would have known if I had made it by the globules of dust encrusted glue, cellotape and naffness, and by the fact that it would have, by now, fallen, been ripped, crushed, trashed, digested and dicarded about four years ago (or precisely a day after I had made it). This lovely creation was purchased at John Lewis.

For Joyce et al. Sorry about the word verification U-Turn. I turned it off and immediately got spam. If you can all tolerate spam I will turn word verification off again. If no one speaks up I'll leave it on. Already have one for "for". I would LOVE to read your blog and have your password and also know how they got your phone number, although TBH for even a semi-serious hacker that wouldn't be too hard. If you could email me your passwords? Contact in the sidebar. Ta, chuck.

Finally finished Charlotte's Web. I liked it. It was a pleasant enough amble into animal type life. The story was easy enough to follow and I think Boss engaged very much with it. Didn't cry when Charlotte died but was very quiet. Oh well. Next is Charlie Chocolate. Can't wait. Any ideas for further reading??

After a late start after the sheer excitement of having a real workman come in and change our landline to a different provider we got started. Wanted to explain the concept of echolocation and went to work on that, starting with what sound is - very difficult to teach abstracts at this age and wasn't sure I really wanted to, but you know, you have to know something about how sound works before you get "echo". But it was very basic.

Covered what "air" was and how it is "made up" and then showed him a diagram of what air is, then what happens when we "make a noise", so we clapped.

Then using some plastic balls because we just dont have marbles in this house we did the thing where you roll a ball into a line of them and see the end one move. Kind of shows you how energy transforms and passes along.

Can you hear that? I get that noise ALL day. He was being a lion-hippo-rhino-thing

Then we looked at things that made a noise - our voices, a triangles, a whistle and a drum and worked out what they did to make a noise. Using a drum a piece of something (was meant to be rice but I just didn't want to hoover up today) we banged the drum and saw it move and felt our voices tingle our fingers. Yes, yes they all had to vibrate to make a noise. Good. Well done.

Quickly showed a picture of the human ear so he knew how sound made sound in our head.

So at this point I introduce the slinky - to much oohing and ahhing all round. By taping one end of the slinky to the wall I moved it so he saw the "wave" move down the line. Did the slinky move? No. It moved the "sound" by banging it down the line. Good good. Then by moving it harder we saw the wave hit the wall and bounce back! Ooooh, what happened? The wave came back.

Thus a quick introduction to what an echo was and into how whales send out sound and wait for the echo to bounce off their food/objects. Hm, but how do they understand this information I can hear you ask. Weeeeeeeell hold your horses because I was only just about to tell you, wasn't I?

Moving onto our *next* experiment we took a tennis ball, a clock and a tape measure and measured 50cm from the wall. We aimed the ball at the wall (sounds like Dr. Seuss book) and timed how long it took to come back. Then we moved further and further away. What did we learn? We learned the further away you are the longer the ball takes to come back, intro to a conversation about waves and echolocation - and how the whales know how far things are away by how quickly their echo returns.

Good stuff. You still reading? OK.

Then to further understand the quality of sound we did a little experiment to see if by hearing alone we could determine direction.

I blindfolded Boss (to much protestation) and moved around the room while he had to point where I was when I talked. He got it right. Then we covered his ears and he didn't get them all right. What did we learn - the ears can determine location and whales can determine location and distance when their echoes return. Hurrah! Echolocation *can* be taught after all!!

I don't like this. I'm telling Dad. I'm leaving. You have something wrong with you you do. I want to go now.

The happy children in the book playing with glee

We looked at a picture wot I made and discussed what was going on.

Echolocation in *action*

Then we had lunch ;-) and talked about echolocation to his Dad who obviously knows NOTHING ... about ANYTHING ...

Then we moved on the Right whales and read about them in his book, on the net, printed stuff off, cut and stuck.

We discussed the differences with this whale from what we have so far been looking at - it wasn't a rorqual, had barnacles over its head (!) and has no dorsal fin, then he played with play doh making whales.

Then I shopped Tesco.com whilst he and his Dad and brother bonded over animal stories, I showed him Charlie Chocolate and he told his brother what happened in Charlotte's Web.

Good stuff. Need to go checkout now.

2006-04-17T20:17:00.000+01:00

Want to look at these links later on.

one

two

three

four

five

I am irked with word verification. It's time to let it die.

It's my fault

2006-04-17T18:39:00.000+01:00

...sorry about the rain this morning. It's my fault. I put the washing out on the line to dry and Sod's Law kicked in.

Oh well, had a nice morning outside. Got the step-ladders out of the shed at last and Boss played with the girl next door as Jaws sat in the swing for nearly three hours without complaint watching it all like a TV. Bless them.

I managed to get several jobs done and also managed to obliterate my bedroom door thanks to some new laws of physics which states what goes in must stay in. Whilst hoovering a gust of wind slammed our door shut and well, it just STAYED shut. Then the door handle fell off and I rang people for help, but luckily for me I have a very big gob and DH managed to hear my *near desperate* cries for help - sorry you nearly fell down the stairs in fright, DH. His delicate engineering produced no results so after ordering him to boot it in this is what my door looks like now:

It would have been more exciting had he screamed "OK LADS THIS IS *NOT* A DRILL - I REPEAT... THIS IS *NOT* A DRILL ... GO! GO! GO", but he didn't. Oh well booting a door in is macho enough.

I fixed Boss' curtains and then stuck some glo-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling which he was really chuffed over - grinning like a Cheshire Cat...

Had lunch and continued whale project *by hand* ye gads. Read about the Bryde's (BROO-dus) whale and wrote and drew and coloured and stuck.

Then I can't remember what we did but I'm sure it involved a lot of noise and assing about. I need to plan this weeks stuff with him. Would like to cover baleen properly as well as echolocation.

2006-04-16T17:19:00.000+01:00

Me no speak Engrish. Where did I put my brain. Um. Did nothing much. Boss has been in his PJs for a second day in a row. Oh well. Talked about the difference between octopus and squid and what the tentacles/suckers were like. Used the bath mat to illustrate *shrugs*

Meant to do some more whale project today covering the Bryde's (pronounce BROO-dus) whale, but the PC crashed, so quickly hobbled together some dot-to-dots instead.

Played with the whales lots and that's about it. Pootled and moped. Again.

David Attenborough-style commentary of the Blue Whale

Sperm Whale

Bryde's Whale

Happy Easter for those who celebrate.

Ah, Pups... you really

2006-04-15T18:21:00.000+01:00

made me happy with your comments. I'm glad I have such kick-ass readers like you.
I dedicate this post to Puppy.

Anyway, didn't really do much today because I'm just so tired. Dh cooked us a nice dinner and I went to the Post Office to pick an ebay parcel up - some animal toys. Good stuff.

Painted the whale models we made and now have to varnish them. Salt doh has really impressed me. And that's saying something! I would like to make some stuff again with it and if I have the time really try to make something beautiful with it.

Salt Doh Recipe (in case you have the urge to try it)

1 cup flour
1 cup salt (works better if you grind it to a fine powder first)
1/2 cup warm tap water
1 tablespoon oil (makes it model better)
1 tablespoon lemon juice (makes it go harder when cooked)
Add food colouring if you like.

Cook for first half hour on 50*C then turn up to 100*C, remembering to turn over half way through for better results.

Voila. Cooked models ready to paint with acryllics - must be varnished. Fortunately I have a drawer full of acryllic paint and varnish from my previous life as a person. I nearly chucked them umpteen times but my homeschooling conscience never let me. Woo hoo. I'm really psyched about salt doh models. What can I make next??

Piccies.

OK, not really masterpieces, I'll grant you, but Boss can't *wait* to play with them! Novel concept - make our toys instead of *buying* them - now that is something I could get interested in!

Read some more CW and generally moped about all day.

Good stuff. Hope you all had a nice day.

For those of you who wrote

2006-04-14T21:00:00.000+01:00

to express your feelings over my statement below, thankyou. Given the length of the word verifications these days I know you must really care, because even *I* can't be assed to fill them in.

For the people who took the trouble to email, again, thankyou. Your sentiments and warmth really touched me too.

All I can say is "Wow - I never knew people really cared less about this blog". When I initially stated I was deleting it people emailed me and asked me to leave it a while for the links and someone even wanted to copy some posts! So I left it.

I almost deleted the blog without a goodbye, but whenever people have done that I have always felt a bit cheated - a deleted blog with no goodbye seems so rude and petulant. There is no closure with no goodbye.

But I felt I had to write one more time to acknowledge all the kind words that have been written and to validate them with a response of gratitude. Even though I don't know you in the real world I was still touched to see people bothering to write.

TBH I only read these comments because my DH frog-marched me to the PC and said "Look people are writing to you - READ IT" so I did. And TBH one of the reasons I am writing this is for his sake to let him know it's OK.

I am a bit peturbed that some of you think I was out to convert you!! Do I come across as preachy?? Hope not. Just rattling off thoughts in my head and you lot got to listen is all.

I feel a bit petulant and melodramatic flouncing off like that only to come back because you go "Don't go Debbie Don't go", whilst I say, "Oh alright then, I'll think about it". Over the last couple of days though I have been contemplating a lot of things, and one of them is how I utilise my time. Do I need a blog? Do I need a public blog? Is this all ego? Couldn't I use my time far more constructively off-line? What are the benefits of this? Do the negatives outweigh the positives?

Why did I leave you all ask? I lost heart with it dramatically. I can't fake my emotions. When I don't want to do something and when I am sad I just can't pretend I'm not.

Why am I back? My DH begged me to do it again. And that is the only reason I made the effort to write - that and the fact that all your comments deserved a thankyou.

I need somewhere to continue to post what I do HE-wise with my kid/s. Until I decide whether I want a private blog or a blog at all I will post here again.

Thanks for all your comments and emails. I really am humbled by your kindness and goodness.

DH I AM NOT UPSET AND IT IS OK, OK??

OK.

Moving on - here is another brain blurge of mine that I wanted to write the other day after reading of the trial of that "muslim" "terrorist" in America. Forgotten his name. Begins with "m". Here is my rant on all that:

The next time you hear something in the news about Islam, can you please bear all this in mind from someone who knows the religion from the outside in - not that I am an expert in the field, but that I came from outside the fold and can see with two eyes.

We are all being manipulated to extremes by the media and those people who have a vested interest in the Hate Trade, whatever its guise. We are being made to get angry. We are being made to get hurt. We are being made to polarise ourselves into a "Us" and "Them" mentality by people who stand to profit from this stance. People who like to see division and the little people fighting their wars for them. People who would ordinarily get along are being made to suspect each other, dislike each other, hurt each other and lash out at each other and this is fuelled mainly by ignorance of the Other.

Well in a world that is getting smaller by the minute ignorance is no longer bliss, and it certainly isn't an option if we are to live with true pluralism. Never before have we lived with such dichotomies as we do right now - in a world that is getting smaller, yet polarized; in a world that is multicultural and international, yet at the same time becoming ever more stratified by nationalism and tribalism; in a world who yearns for Star Trek ideology yet has the Dark Ages mentality. We are literally killing everything we touch. We are a people who have lived the comfortable life and this has made us lazy armchair critics and mediocre thinkers - people who prefer comfort over truth and cliche over thinking.

One eminant pyschotherapist said that the crisis that is facing the Western world is one between choosing to think or to not think, because ultimately we are faced with a psychological crises of neurosis and these are set to get worse as our increasingly neurotic, perfectionist children farmed by the education system are let into the real world with their conditioned need for perfection and intolerance of any perceived failure. Thinking is hard and for many of us the effort to truly think is not worth the effort. Life is so comfortable and easy that to upset the applecart and think can bring us face to face with our darkest fears and thoughts and many prefer to avoid rocking the boat in this manner.

But, as he went onto say, this is the challenge of this century - to Think. To actually do our own thinking, to face reality and to take responsibility for our own actions. Our future depends on this.

We live in a pluralistic society, but we have millions of people who do not really know or care what that means, nor what is at stake by living by this (or forsaking it). The dictionary definition of pluralism (in this context) is:

1. A condition in which numerous distinct ethnic, religious, or cultural groups are present and tolerated within a society.
2. The belief that such a condition is desirable or socially beneficial.

It is an important concept for many reasons. It means that people who think others are wrong can still accept their sovereign right to hold their beliefs. It means that different people agree to live alongside each other with open-mindedness and acceptance. It means that society has a plurality of ideas and expressions and is richer through having many eyes to see through. It entails freedom of conscience, freedom of choice, freedom of belief. It fosters respect. It is a noble society. A vibrant society. A society which embraces the future and sees humanity as one.

The negation of this is fascism. Totalistarianism. Authoritarianism. People who will spy and snoop to make sure everyone is like them. People who gossip and backbite, who given the right political atmosphere would turn neighbours into the secret police, send malicious mail, tear down buildings and abuse people on the street. It is a society where hatred of the Other is the norm and people batten down the hatches into ever decreasing circles on acceptance and tolerance of what is "right". You have modern day tribalism. You have a society who pays lip-service to modernism yet acts in a way altogether different from its ethos. You have a base society. A society deluded by being constantly nostalgic for some Golden Age which never was. A society which harks back to the days when races were pure. A society where everyone thinks that everyone else HAS to be just like them to have a right to exist.

And think about it. Deep down, which society do you belong to? Do you accept plurality or do you bemoan it? Do you embrace it or begrudge it? If someone is not like you, doesn't think like you, doesn't act like you - do mind or does it really grate you?

I have forgotten who said, "I do not agree with him, but I will defend to my death his right to believe it". Would you?

Muhammad (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Nationalism is aiding your tribe in an unjust cause". How many people these days put Truth above baser notions of nationalism or patriotism? How many people truly would defend a stranger rather than nod along with the mob of angry voices who would make you think that to be patriotic you have to concur with a falsehood or love an action committed by your tribe even if it were wrong?

I used to think that my nation - the nation I accidently was born into - was pluralistic. I saw noble characteristics here - people who tolerate eccentricity and have no problem with individualism. People who would stick up for the under-dog who was right even if the whole world was against them. People who were not afraid to stand up and be counted when push came to shove and people who would not tolerate authoritarians. But that is not a country I know now.

Through media manipulation we are being polarized. We are being made to believe in a Britain that never existed. We are being made to fear the stranger, hate the Other, love crimes committed by our leaders on our behalf, and falsely attribute hatred of Other to love of country, and intolerence of difference as patriotism.

We are being manipulated by a media whose owners have a higher agenda in seeing this world divided.

And where once the USSR was the bogeyman, now it is the Muslim. Now it is the dirty Arab. Oh sure others are certainly despised, but as one guy mentioned on his blog about Hindus and Sikhs and Buddhists etc, "they fit in - they assimilate - Muslims don't". Islam is your enemy. Muslims are your fifth column. You can't trust them. They don't fit in. Not really. If the government gave you some brown shirts and asked you to pick a wog to villify, it would be the Muslim who gets it in the neck first. We have to beg to be here. We have to apologise for our existence. We're not like you real people. We're not as worthy as your normal humans. We don't bleed. We don't feel pain. We don't love our families and our children. Thankyou for letting us be here. We are terribly sorry for being what we are. Please like us.

I refuse to live like that and I refuse to live in a world which is making monkeys out of supposedly free-thinking, intelligent people. We need to think. We need to do our own thinking and to stop people make our agendas for us and manipulating us into accepting them, so the next time someone tries to turn you against Islam and the Muslims please know some of this to counter-act it all.

If you actually want to do your own thinking and reading (let's face it, very few do) then I first recommend these books:

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Islam

Unveiling Islam

Islam and the Destiny of Man

Muhammad: His Life Based on the Earliest Sources

And that certainly is not a comprehensive list!

1. Muslims do not believe in a blood-thirsty angry God who demands we kill as many infidels as possible. If this were the case then the one billion of us could certainly have made mincemeat out of the world a long time ago.

2. The majority of Muslims are NOT Arabs. Arabs make up about 18% of the Muslim population.

3. Muslims begin everything they do with "Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim" which translates roughly as "In the name of the One God, the Merciful, the Compassionate". The word "Rahim" actually stems from the root word to mean "womb", and it connotes that kind of security - where the mother supplies protection, mercy and everything needed for sustainance for the unborn. The womb is a place of safety and goodness, just as Allah's "mercy" means the same for us. When Allah surrounds us with this "rahm" then we are in a place of protection, peace, security, goodness. This word is probably the most important word in the Muslims vocabulary - peace, security and goodness are the centre of our faith and we wish this on each other constantly.

4. A Muslim greets another Muslim with "assalamu alaikum" which means "Peace be upon you".

5. We love peace if all that was above your heads.

6. We don't HAVE to have mosques built with domes on the top. Mosques, or "masjid" can take any architectural form.

7. Muslims pray five times a day, every day; fast during the month of Ramadan and pay 2.5% of all earnings into charity.

8. Jihad actually means to strive against one's own ego.

9. Muslims have always tolerated multiculturalism.

10. Islam was the first religion to establish freedom of conscience and the Qur'an states "Let there be no compulsion in religion. Truth stands clear from error". The "kill an apostate" ruling only applies if the apostate takes arms up against the muslims and tries to kill us. It was a ruling made in a war situation.

11. Muslim women were given rights over 1400 years ago that Western women had to die for and only partially be "given" (by men) only in the 20th century.

12. In war Muslims may only kill combatants. Women, children, the eldery, nuns and priests of other religions, animals and crops may not be killed nor may the water supply be poisoned and we are not allowed to kill by fire. Which pretty much rules out modern warfare. Religious buildings are meant to be safe-guarded.

13. Women wear the headscarf to protect their modesty - not because they are made to by men but because they want to do it. Please stop trying to liberate the Muslim woman before you ask her what she herself wants to do/wear.

14. Islam is about spiritual excellence - divine communion in reality. It is about having excellent manners towards all creatures and to live the highest moral life. Islam commands we are good to our neighbours, gentle and patient with children and the elderly, respectful to others and kind to animals. Islam commands that we lower our voice and speak beautiful words which ease other peoples' sadness and we are commanded to help one another.

15. "Muslim" means 'one who has submitted themselves to Allah'. That is a verb not a noun. You can't be a Muslim if you disobey, no matter what your colour or ethnic origin.

16. Religion does not equal nationality.

17. Some people with loud mouths get more attention. That does not mean they speak for all Muslims. It just means they have bigger gobs. Some cars honk their horns and get noticed while the rest of the motorway just gets home.

18. Before you call Muslims "backwards" and "stupid" and "dirty sand niggers" etc please bear in mind that the knowledge that the West takes to be its own was stolen lock, stock and barrel from the Muslim lands with no acknowledgement of gratitude or where it came from. Whilst western countries were forbidden to learn to read and seek knowledge, Muslims were commanded to by God. As such, whilst western nations were burning witches at the stake Muslims were creating the civilization that we were to take as our birthright a thousand years before we came up with the idea. Muslims had universities 800 years before there was one in the West. The scientific methodology as generally understood and accepted today was introduced by great Muslim thinkers. Logarithms and algebra were invented by Muslims. The concept of the zero was introduced to the West (along with the numbers we now take for granted) by Muslims. The shape of the earth which was considered by Westerners to be 2Dimensional was firmly established by the Muslims. Trigonometry and spherical geometry, sine and tangent tables, variations in the moons motions were all developed and discovered by one Muslim scholar alone. Omar Khayyum solved third and fourth degree equations by intersecting conics before the year 1123. So accurate were Muslim scientists that al-Battani was out by only 24 seconds from today's accepted value in his calculation of the length of the solar year. Al-Baruni's measurements of specific gravities of various metals and precious stones and of longitude and latitudes of earth are correct to three decimal places. Five hundred years before Galileo Muslims had dicussed the rotation of the earth on its axis and measured the circumference of the earth. Chemistry too was excelled in. Numerous types of lab equipment were invented, distillation of water, alkalis, acids, salts and other compounds were identified. Al-Marjriti (1007) proved the principle of chemical conservation of mass - 900 years later however and Lavoisier took the credit! Similar advances were made in botany, zoology and other natural sciences. A few Arabic words that we take to be our own: zenith, nadir, alcohol, alkaline, Gibralter, arsenic, lemon, oh this is boring the list is too long. In medicine Muslims truly excelled. The verse in the Qur'an which states "he who saves the life of another, it is as though he has saved all of mankind" spurring the medical sciences on. Organised hospitals were in every Muslim city. Baghdad alone had 60 hospitals. Ibn Sina's Canon of Medicine was a standard medical text in the West for 700 years! Ibn Nafis (1288) first accurately described the circulation of the blood - in 1628 the credit instead went to Harvey!! Some things that the West learned from Muslims: Intellectual critique method, Greek philosophy: Plato, Aristotle and neoplatonists, the Empirical and Experimental method; the university system (lock stock and barrel); how to count; algebra, trigonometry and spherical geometry; optics and laws of light; bibliographic tools; dictionaries; encyclopedias; catalogues; libraries; paper manufacture en masse; publishing as a mass industry; hydrology; calculation of direction, compass; cartography; astronomical laws; canons of medicine; sociology; pyschology. I could go on and on. Please don't think we are stupid. The Muslim lands have been tyranised for so long that they look beleaguered and backwards, yet they have suffered loss for centuries to get to this pathetic state.

19. Muslims are not racist. Islam states that all men and women, regardless of colour, ethnicity, race, age or wealth are absolutely equal to one another. The most beloved of people are the most pious and good mannered - all Muslims pray shoulder to shoulder and do not distinguish people. All are equal.

20. Real Muslims are humble and strive to make the world a better place. Before you open your mouth to disparage the vast majority of Muslims you will never meet or see on the TV just consider this: these people would defend you to their death out of moral compunction; when you speak against Muslims it is *them* you offend - not the idiots who shame us all.

21. There is no such thing as a "Muslim terrorist" - Muslims - those who obey Allah - do not commit aggression, we do not innocent people, we do not terrorise. We believe in Peace to all. We are kind and caring and we worry about the fate of everyone. We worry when we see people suffering. We cry when we see people hurting.

22. Do not confuse politics and religion. Some people have turned their politics inot their religion and called this "Islam", but Islam is not, and never has been, a political agenda. Islam is the work on the Self - it is about establishing goodness in one's soul and by establishing goodness in the social sphere. Islam is not politics and certainly not fascism.

Remember, on 9/11 it wasn't just the planes that go hijacked, it was an entire religion too. Don't fall into the hate-mongers agenda by accepting the division and feeding into. Step aside and do your own thinking. Please.

2006-04-14T18:27:00.000+01:00

Using the salt doh we made yesterday we made whale models. They are baked ready to be painted.

We then did some tangram puzzles I made, adapting some pictures from this book to include a narwhal, river dolphin, killer whale and some kind of rorqual.

Then in the afternoon we coloured them in - he did one and I did the rest - even if he is sloppy and scribbly I want him to see me working so can see diligence, pride in work, and accomplishment in operation. It may sink in somewhere.

Read some CW, learned one du'a properly, read some Islamic tales and did some dhikr with him.

2006-04-13T18:36:00.000+01:00

Did circle time then continuing on from our measuring frenzy the other day we went on to learn the difference between length, height, depth and width then using a large book of animals we set about finding out how long and tall they were using the tape measure. He really liked that as he is always asking how BIG things are. I don't think the book was very accurate though, but it served the purpose.

We then covered the Sei (pronounced "say") whale, printed and stuck, watched web casts and saw various whales alive and dead on the net. Very good.

Using a whale size comparison table we drew a graph of all the whales we are covering. Graphs are probably a bit above his head but he grasped it immediately - after finishing it we could see which is the biggest/smallest etc. His job was to find the numbers along the axis and so it helped him to consolidate number recognition. He liked the number-finding and seeing the whale sizes turn to "pictures" before his very eyes.

Using cuisinaire rods we filled the graph with rods and answered some questions.

Ate lunch whilst watching St. Dave. He now has this down verbatim.

Made some salt doh for a whale modeling project and then read some CW.

Wrote in our notebook and added observations of our avocado seed.

Then ran around, I cleaned the house, bed.

I'm sorry

2006-04-12T12:57:00.000+01:00

I'm going to delete this blog.

Death

2006-04-11T20:27:00.000+01:00

Yeah I thought that would get a few of you running. And who could blame you. Been on my mind a lot lately for obvious reasons.

Went to Drs today and got more happy pills. Nurse said hi and hows the kid from yesterday doing. Thought that was nice of her to ask seeing as she wasn't even the one dealing with him. Went into town and bought Boss some books - an atlas, which we just don't have in the house *hangs head in home schooling shame*, an atlas with flags and stickers, and two 3D animal books - one of deep sea stuff and another of snakes. Bought Jaws a humming top from ELC. Brought back a lot of memories from my childhood and was an instant hit all round.

Boss mooched in his PJs all day. We played LW&W again with Papo knights, pine cones and clothes pegs (wooden, of course! :P) and tried to watch a Killer Whale DVD which didn't play - bummed out about that. DH went to our neighbour's funeral. I feel really sad about his sudden death as he was such a fixture and fitting of this area and it was all so sudden and now he's gone. We weren't close but we did chat and say hi etc. DH got on better with him. It's like a part of a scenery is missing. One minute he's there and now he isn't. One minute he's sitting with his dog watching the world go by. And then it went by and he's just around.

Heard about another death today which was sudden and saddening. I think most Muslim readers know who I am talking about. May Allah grant her Jannah. Amin.

And death seems everywhere with sickness and weird dreams about MIL dying and people popping their clogs all over the place. Sorry, Elderfairy if you've made it this far I didn't want to talk about all this for your sake, but I need to waffle a bit about it so stop reading now.

You are such a masochist. I said NOW.

I know she is still reading this. Sigh.

Oh well.

We all fear death. Its the end of life as we know it. The ego perceives the threat of death many other times too when it sees itself facing change or destruction which is why many life-changing events can cause panic and anxiety. We deal with death in many ways the most obvious way is by ignoring it and absolutely refusing to deal with it. This is neurotic. Some people do this by drowning out thoughts of it altogether with noise and activity, others through "living the moment" and indulging in hedonism - either way the effect is the same - it's sticking the fingers in the metaphorical ears and going LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU. Both throw themselves further into *this* life rather than contemlating the end of it.

You know they did studies I think in America which asked a group of people to give up noise for a while - no TV, no radio, no music, no background noise, and 80% of the group developed severe anxiety. I know people who have to have the TV on even though they don't watch it because they can't stand the silence. Well, why? It's because they need to distract themselves constantly - from reality, their fears, worries etc. We've all been there.
The other way is to pretend death is a good thing - hey, can't WAIT - we'll be dancing in the sunlight with fairies and seeing all the people we love and it'll be ace. I don't really buy that, but it keeps people sane.

You know, we are all on a boat and it's sinking except we don't know it, or see it or want to believe it. We are on a plane and it's seconds away from ploughing into the ground. We are on an elevator and the cable is about to snap. We are on a train and we have only a minute to say our goodbyes before it's derailed. When we are born our head is placed on the executioner's block, his axe is raised and the time it takes for him to drop his axe on our necks is what we call "life". Every one of our breathes takes us further from the world and closer to our graves. Each second that passes, each bat of an eyelid is one flutter nearer to the grave, never to be returned, never to be repeated.

The Islamic view is that God created life and death as a test and as a learning ground. We experience here what can only be known through living then we leave this realm of learning never to return. We believe in heaven (whatever it is) and hell (whatever it is), two polar extremes of existence, one encapsulates all that is good whilst one encapsulates all that is not-good. However you understand that. Whatever that means. And we have to end up in one of them.

Spiritually no dross can enter a realm of purity and life is meant really to be a place where we purify the Self - reign in the ego and live lives worthy of noble creatures. Base elements cannot fly, so to speak. They weigh us down, so to speak. This life, from an Islamic position is our capital with The Reality ("god"), whereby we have a chance to refine the Self or fail in that task. And many of us are taken before we begin that task.

And the reason I'm writing all this is because I have been feeling the nearness of death lately. I mean, it's always there, but so far I have been numb to it. And now it's just everywhere and "life" is so bizarre - most of what we do from an eternal viewpoint is just such a waste of precious time. And we aren't here to "live the moment" and "enjoy life", but to refine the Self and live a life worth living. "Your soul" as the saying goes, "is a precious commodity equal only to the price of heaven. Sell it only at that price".

And I have sold mine for such a lousy profit.

I suppose normal service might resume sometime.

I've

2006-04-10T18:45:00.000+01:00

been on my DIE-et a week now. I no longer wobble ~~that much~~, my double chin is now a quarter chin and my legs are beginning to look like legs and not up-rooted tree trunks. There is light at the end of that tunnel.

Right. Today after cleaning the house, making breakie and falling out, we made a pin wheel.

Very good. Then we continued our whale project. We read about the Fin whale, typed, found photos, printed and stuck, watched a web cast of a Fin diving.

Boss read f-i-n ... FIN!! and guessed some other words. Then did a David Attenborough commentary (again) of the Blue Whale ... he has his accent down pat masha'allah :D. I filmed him again and he watched whilst chuckling.

Then we moved onto measurement. Taking a tape measure I showed him how long a metre was then we made our own metre-stick and measured things in the house.

Our metre-stick ... I can see you are jelous .....

We made a chart of things bigger or smaller than a metre and then graphed them.

We measured the house end to end then we talked about whale sizes and how the house was smaller than the blue and fin whale, and how much further we would have to walk before we reached the end of a whale. He estimated what was bigger and smaller than a metre (getting it right) then using snape cubes we represented Boss, Mummy, the House, a Blue whale and a Fin whale.

Measuring the room. Yes Hanaa the play kitchen is turned around because ~~Genghis~~ Jaws keeps trashing it ... we have very nice boxes, don't we? Hm.....

Measuring the house. Excuse the crap

Snap cubes. Boss, me, house, blue, fin.

Read CW and had lunch, then in the afternoon we played LW&W for hours and hours.

The Lamp-post

Aslan killing the White Witch. Ostheimer, of course, sweetie.

Edmund in battle

Peter in battle

Aslan's armour-plating....

Jaws played hide and seek with himself. Very good. Giggled like a maniac when we pretended we couldn't see him, before pulling the clothe off and looking at us with an enormous grin on his face, wide-eyed with expectation and we went "THERE YOU ARE" and he giggled and kicked his legs and covered himself again. This took most of one hour.

Going for the full-face burqa look. Don't blame him

Then intended to make some salt doh ready for a project sometime this week but Boss decided to get a raging temperature, start weeping and shivvering and being floppy (he never cries and only if he has really hurt himself, so we panicked). Rang GPs for emergency appointment and took Boss to the surgery with him crying and begging me not to, promptly puking ALL OVER the doctors foyer. And people tutted. Yes, sorry about that - I actually LOVE to have a sick child vomitting over me in public - it's my weird fetish sorry I had to drag you into my weird world - how odd that I had the audacity to bring a sick child to the Doctor's - you're right I should have let him sit on the pavement outside like the dog he is. *rolls eyes* He lay on the floor in the waiting room and fell asleep whilst everybody looked at us - I felt like I had to apologise to the obviously not-that-sick people for bringing a poorly child in.

Anyway, Drs said the poppet had an ear and chest infection, prescribed ABs and told me to give him paracetamol and ibuprofen at same time as his temperature was just stupid.

Went in chemist and bought him a cow. As you do. Went home gave medicine flaked out. I think this means we won't be doing much this week then :( I had some more measurement things worked out and wanted to make some whale models. Working towards making our own ocean out of a shoe box too.

Exciting (for me) news - Mum and Dad are taking us all on holiday!! OK, to Great Yarmouth, but I'm psyched!!! Sometime in June insha'allah.

Oh well. Make dua for us :(

Quote of the Day

2006-04-08T19:37:00.000+01:00

In one of my more relaxed moments I thought I'd wind Boss up by singing a song he has never heard before. A song which both my sister and I sang with unremitting relentlessness in the quest to annoy just about everyone we knew. The song goes something like this:

"I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" ad infinitum til people peel their eyeballs out of their sockets or leave the room. Or both.

With just a little chortle to myself I began my onslaught which could have my mother begging for mercy in under 2 minutes.

Me: I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

***AND PLEASE BEAR IN MIND I COULDN'T HOLD A TUNE IF I NAILED IT TO MYSELF***

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves.

After Five. Solid. Minutes (time it - it's a long time) of this I stop and look at Boss who has been sitting quietly listening to it with an earnest look of deep, philosophical thought. I wait for him to say something whilst I have a silly grin on my face.

Boss: Well??

Me: Well what??

Boss: What is it?

Me: What's what??

Boss: What's the song that's going to get on my nerves?

I give up.

Blogged out

2006-04-07T18:46:00.000+01:00

I've done nothing fun, creative or educational in the last week. I've yelled and DIE-eted and picked crap off the floor, and yet still several layers of crap are left to shift. In fact, that's what I am - it's what I do none-stop - I move crap from one place to another. I am a Crap Relocator. A Crap Shifter. A Crap Removal Co-ordinator. And fortuntately for me I have many people ensuring that I can never go into early retirement. I'm a Crap Attack Overseer.

The smallest insurgent in this war on crap has been seen to add to the pile lately in an unremitting fashion. Posters have been chewed and ripped (boring SO old hat) but the new thing is that NO OBSTICLE can now obstruct this quest for destruction. We laugh in the face of obstacles. They are mere trifles in our path of domination. We see cushions piled three feet high?- HA - bulldoze them. That's no match for The Craperator. Put a chair in his way? - FUH - throw it onto the butt-wiper's toes - it shall not stop him. Put everything on high shelves?? - PUH-LEASE - isn't that what climbiing and wailing and big brothers are for? Boxes and walls are there for commando jumping over - oh sure the head hurts a little when you land on it like that, espcially as often as The Craperator does, but the prize! Oh my Lord - the prize is worth it - books, baskets, toys, paper, crayons, shells, pine cones, small objects, coins, sharp objects - choking hazards of all hue and description are to be found *there*. My mouth waters just by thinking about it. What could be more fun than seeing how many adults you can kill by brain embolism by eating paper and knitting needles - if you haven't made your mother faint at least once a day you surely haven't lived. Next on the list of total hoodlamism is to repatriat the phone and call 999 sometime - having some blues and twos out there with several other adults unknown having seizures should be even MORE fun.

A mere trifle....

Made a flick book today to show him how movies work. I'm bored and didn't want to do anything else. Read lots of books. Read Charlotte's Web. Played gorillas and he watched LW&W again.

Thanks

2006-04-05T18:46:00.000+01:00

to everyone who has written to say they have enjoyed this blog. Very kind of you to take your time filling the enormous word verifications in to tell me that. I do appreciate nice comments. Elderfairy, yes I know I am a lucky girl masha'allah - he's more adorable when it isn't *your* house he is bulldozing though ;-)

Dear Hijab Wannabe. You asked this in my comments the other day so I will try to answer as best I can insha'allah:

1. How do you get them (as in the kids) to learn? Sometimes I have tried to teach my son things like even and odd numbers, phonics. He sometimes learns, sometimes wants to steer the topic in his own direction (eg. I am talking about one letter and he wants to do another) or expresses disinterest altogether. Everyone makes it seem so easy! Is there something I am missing??

I don't inculcate school at home. I don't have a plan and I don't have a schedule or a list of things he *will* learn. We are child led here, as are many homeschoolers. You take the cues from the child. So my son has a massive interest in animals right now. I am going with it. He kept wanting to read and read and read about whales so I thought I would channel all his assing-about monkey energy into doing a project. I asked him "would you like to do a project on whales" and his answer was "yes - NOW", so that's what we are doing. If he didn't want to do it I just wouldn't have started it. Sometimes he doesn't want to do craft things but I push him along to finish what we have started because I see in him the inability to delay gratification which isn't something I want to inculcate. So we finish what we start. Through his interests you can teach anything - I heard of a woman who taught the curriculum through basing everything on Star Trek - reading, number work, geography (you have to know where you are going to land your space ship!). Through reading him a chapter or two of a "big" book everyday we cover numbers since he has to know what page we've stopped on. Then sometimes he takes that ball and runs with it and we do numbers for a bit. With certain words he is interested in he has descovered what each word begins with - lion begins with the L sound. He knows the whole alphabet and I never sat and taught him it. If isn't child led it will always be a fight. Some children take longer than others to want to learn too and that's OK. Eventually they all get there.

2. How do you teach different levels at the same time?

I don't. Jaws is too young to teach. When he is a bit older I'll just fob him off with play doh and duplo for a bit.

3. I am afraid my weaknesses will become their weaknesses. I learned a lot of great things from my parents, but being in school enabled me to closely see different traits in other people that I admired and emulated. Isn’t homeschooling going to turn them into some kind of clone of me? I hope for them to better than that!!

You can let them out the cage occasionally. They get to mix with other people all the time.

4. If I homeschool, it will be myself and my two daughters in the girls camp, and only my eldest a boy. Isn’t this too much estrogen for a boy? He will be surrounded by girls all day!! My husband is great, but he does work most of the time and comes home late.

You can find social groups for him to join - sports groups - things like that.

5. When in the day would I have some time for myself to recharge?
That is difficult. You would have to pace yourself and if your husband is a good one then he should let you have an hour off in the evening for a cup of tea or something. I think I would go nuts if my DH didn't watch Jaws in the evening so I could get some blog time.

Saying that, as they get older, and if you are child led letting them be autonomous in their learning then things will get easier insha'allah. Finding support with other homeschoolers is also a good idea and you may be surprised at what things are organised locally and nationally between homeschoolers.

If you haven't already found it you really need to go and see Mrs Homeschool herself to see how it's all done.

2006-04-05T14:25:00.000+01:00

OK, Still on my DIE-et. Two oatcakes and orange juice for brekkie, green tea at lunch and some dinner about 3 or 4pm - nothing after 6pm. I can't believe I've lasted three days!

Went to the park yesterday. Today we played in the garden lots and I accidently cut the grass. I didn't mean to. I went in the shed for step ladders and before I knew it I had cut the grass and cleaned the windows and put a load of washing on the line. Great stuff. Boss said when he came in, "Mummy! You can see out of the windows now!!".... think that's what they call a backhanded compliment. Lovely outdoor day. Jaws was in the war chariot and chuckled with delight at the noise of the lawnmower - I think he thinks one day he gets to ride it. Played water in the water troughs I bought them and did bubbles quite a bit too. Just a lovely time in the garden. Best things in life are free.

Continuing the whale project we covered the Minke whale and what plankton is.

Boss informs me that "after we have done baleen whales and done toothed whales we are going to do a seal project". Right.

Ordered a killer whale DVD on my favourite little auction site and I suppose I better start scanning for seals then?

The afternoon was spent watching "NARNIA LW&W" which I had pre-ordered at Amazon. Woo hoo it came today. What a long film. I do not think I will be doing that again. Books are better but there is something about watching a film that long that messes my head up. Still, once in a while is all good stuff. Boss enjoyed it - was a bit scared of it too - the battle scene was fantastic and he managed to fall completely in awe of the rhino trashing into the opposition - his ideal role model - so that's what he did afterwards - he played rhinos.... greeeeeeeeeat. Good overcame evil blah de blah de blah, they are all crowned yadda yadda yadda, the end.

TBH I thought the queen was crap. She looked crap she acted crap and that was a huge disappointment for me. Never mind.

And that's pretty much it today. Experiencing the outdoors then experiecing our imaginations. The great indoors. He wants to watch it again tomorrow. Oh help.

OK

2006-04-03T14:54:00.000+01:00

I have re-started my DIE-et, because let's face it, any diet that lasts two weeks is lame. I have had stomach illnesses that last longer. My last attempt failed because I got really ill and dizzy and couldn't even interact with the real world on the level of plankton, let alone give a toss about what I *looked* like.

Well, things change, and when you see a really fat woman walking towards you and your first reaction is "What the hell is it???! What does she LOOK like???" before realising it is your own reflection in a plane of glass (actually two planes, because you are so big you just can't even get those hips in one frame anymore), you know something has to be done. This cannot go on forever. I will either explode, become a social embarrassment (more than I already am) to my kids, have a heart attack or renal failure (maybe even both) and will have to start wearing jog pants for the rest of my life. This I cannot stand the thought of. The jog pants scenario is too damn icky for my subconscious to handle. I have never been "thin" apart from when I was 22 and I went through a total skinny phase where I just didn't eat anything and I walked everywhere. I was a size 8 and weighed 7 stone. I would like to be able to not look 6 months pregnant. That would be good. I know *sigh* EXERCISE is needed for this, but the thought of jog pants has got me caving into this necessity. I look bad. You know some people have bad hair days? Well, I'm having a bad face life. I know my mother looks at me as if to say, "Where is the D that we used to know - the one that woke up with perfect make up and lip gloss? Where has the D gone that was shiny, and thin, and nice to look at?". Er, hello - I'm over HERE - two for the price of one. That's me.

So code-name 'whale project' is underway. So far today I've had two oatcakes and a glass of orange juice and some green tea. I am filling myself up with water and later insha'allah I will have a meal and not eat a damn thing after 6pm. I have heard of a diet that lets you snack on ice cubes. I'm not that low. I will stick to cardboard, I mean, Ryvita.

Talking about whales, what have we done today?

We continued our whale project by recapping what we knew. Then we read how there are mainly two types of baleen feeders - the gulper/rorqual and the skimmer. One gulps and the other, well, skims. Duh.

So we did some experiments to solidify that.

The first was to take a balloon which had lines (rorquals) on the "belly"; we placed it over a tap and filled it up. Yes, we saw the rorquals expand so we realised that gulpers need to rorquals (grooves) to allow the belly to expand in this way. He liked this experiment. A. LOT.

The grooves/rorquals expand

Then we let the balloon go and he got a look at spouting. He liked that too.

Thar she blows

So we moved on to how they eat. For the rorqual experiment we practised gulping a mouthful of water and spitting it out through clenched teeth. Once that was mastered we added some hundreds and thousands for our 'plankton' and re-did it. What did we discover? Yes, the food stayed inside the mouth where we could eat it. Very good.

Hundreds and thousands plankton - no I don't use bakery aisle goods for cooking

The skimmer - paper in a bowl and a sieve.

We wrote it all out, printed it off and stuck.

I would like to do an experiment when we move onto toothed whales with parsley, carrot pieces, a comb and some tongs. We need also to do a bit more on what baleen look like. Insha'allah might do that tomorrow and move onto the Minke which we started a bit today.

Then we did some work in our notebook - he dictated what we did yesterday and 'coloured' some pictures in. Not quite getting the 'pride in work' ethos, nor what the freaking lines are there for *rolls eyes*. We looked too at the car door seed and wrote that observation to our notebook too.

Let me explain - a tractor-trailer, a rabbit and a goat. Or if you like, a tractor-trailer, a long-ear mutha being shot through the heart and the horned King of darkness

We read another chapter of CW and whale books galore and some other story books.

For a treat he watched The Snowman on CD. Then he watched.... David Attenborough!! whilst ordering us all to SHUSH and retelling everything St. Dave said verbatim just after he said it. It was a looooooong hour.

We played in the living room and did some weaving, finishing about a quarter of it. I checked for mail (yes I always remember mail near the END of the day) and Boss was delighted to find yet another eBay present on the doorstep - this one solely about toothed whales. And we haven't covered them yet so he did enjoy it immensely.

Jaws occupied himself by doing laps of the living room whilst furniture walking. He is getting faster.... masha'allah... and now he is climbing. *SHRIEK* He keeps looking keenly up at the bookshelves on the wall and cocking his leg up as if saying "one day... you are mine". So far he has ripped the number poster, managed to pull half the arabic numerals off the wall, trash Boss' bookcase, almost pulled the curtains down. Twice. And satisfied himself by trashing the playkitchen:

Read another chapter of CW before bed and we await the curtain-call for Charlotte tomorrow.

I'm going to go nail everything down now. Bye.

To round up our spring awareness campaign

2006-04-02T18:24:00.000+01:00

after doing daffodils and eggs and nests and lambs and stuff like that, we went to the farm to see such stuff for ourselves. It was a bit windy, but we had a nice time all in all. Got to see the lambs and get a chance to feed them milk, and we even saw a chick hatch from an egg. Good stuff. Took the easter hunt tractor ride with his Dad and got some chocolate in the "enchanted wood", which he fervently described on his return as "a thick jungle with lots of animals and NO daylight". OK so piccies:

The peacock. Every farm should have one

Ignore that sign - Feed me!

Chicks

More chicks. Stop me if I'm getting too technical

Guard geese

Mill House

Lean mean digging machine

The highlight of the day

Much improved play area

Came home and ate the chocolate the Easter bunny "gave" us and read some Charlotte's Web and whale books, watched more of our hero, David Attenborough and played kitchens. Jaws very much furniture walking now and placing him in the walker produces howls of fury. He plays with the kitchen too - ish - and we all played "cooking" - he played "eating" except he wasn't playing because he really was trying to eat everything, but it's nice having two kids to play with rather than one and some background noise :-)

Just read THIS and made me contemplate what the future holds. *sigh*

Pet resolution

2006-04-01T20:15:00.000+01:00

Sea monkeys.

Nuff said.

2006-04-01T18:19:00.000+01:00

Whales are easier than fish - my lack of fish knowledge is more than compensated by increasing knowledge of whales thanks to Boss' interest and project.

Some books arrived from eBay today - whales, dolphins, a pop-up book - so much whale information we just didn't know what to do with ourselves! Continued unabated we typed, coloured, cut and stuck, read our books and covered the Blue Whale today.

We then painted some whales in watercolour and did wax relief piccies too:

We began Charlotte's Web at last after a very satisfactory WIW which he seemed to identify with Toad quite a lot! "Toad talks too much - and so do I" LOL. He has been wanted to start CW for a while so we read the first chapter and he looked at the illustrations.

Managed to get Charlie Chocolate and Matilda for 70p altogether from eBay, so I think we'll do Charlie Chocolate next - could be a hands-on book ;-) Plus that has a DVD which we could finalise with. They are filming CW this year, aren't they? I don't want to get him used to seeing a film after every book as he might think that is the whole point, but one is particularly good then it might keep him eager. LW&W is supposed to be visually stunning and I think that DVD would definitely bring the book alive to him. Charlie Chocolate has Johnny Depp in. Do I need to say more. No. Didn't think so.

Went to the park and a woman told Boss off. I was irked but she was quite right to put her foot down so I said nothing. I said, "that lady shouted at you, do you know why", he did, but then he said, "but she didn't *really* shout - like YOU do" and wasn't the least bit bothered. Ho hum.

He ditched the scooter and climbed every tree in the park. Every. One. Do you know how many trees are in there? A lot.

Then we came home and I re-potted the pot garden (I hope it doesn't die this time - the only thing I am good at growing is fungus), I cut everybody's hair, bathed the babes, and waded through all the crap I, in my majesty, decided to charity bag and all the clothes Jaws is now out of. I can't move.

Anybody out there want a foam hop-skotch thingy for indoor use??

Didn't think so.

I can't grow squat

2006-03-31T20:38:00.000+01:00

... everything I touch DIES. Every. Damn. Thing.

We planted some tomato seeds and they grew like they were on steroids - hundreds of them - everywhere. As soon as I try to pot them? Instant death. I even managed to drop the damn pot ensuring any survivers were well and truly done for.

We planted some strawberry seeds and they are fussy. Got nothing for weeks until three teeny tiny seedlings popped up. Now, only having three you'd think I'd treasure them - but I forgot to water them and one died - the other two were hanging over the edge of the pot begging for water from passing insects. I saw them just in time and watered them, and as we all know plants just *love* to be dowsed in water so hard that mud splatters out of the pot and their 'ickle leaves flatten and wither. Hm.

Grass. Even grass under my loving care dies. I need to re-pot the pot garden. And you think I am exagerating view, if you will, photographic evidence:

Before

After

Yes, people. I am so bad at gardening that not only do plants die before my very eyes they actually implode in on themselves before kicking the bucket.

Now, given my track record you'd be wondering what I was doing at Notcutts garden centre today? As well as looking for the unkillable plant (it was cactus and something made of plastic) I also thought it would be nice to get Boss a pet fish. The benefits of pet fish cannot be innumerated enough 1) Boss really into animals right now, whales and aquatic life in particular hence the Whale Project (sounds like a code name for my diet), and a goldfish is as close to a whale as he is likely to get without being stranded at sea (God forbid *spits over right shoulder and throws salt in the air*) 2) unlike other pets fish don't bite 3) unlike other pets fish rarely smell. Unless left out of water 4) they are cheap and cheerful and are relaxing to watch.

Right, so I ask the lady at the store, "How much would a basic pet fish and tub thingy cost?"

"For a small tropical water fish you would want a *names a fish and might as well have said WIBBLE because I had no idea what she was talking about* and a tank with filter with some de-cholinater, fish food and *lists a hundred things that sound like something an aviator might find in a cockpit*"

Me: "No I'm sorry, my fault, you misunderstood me. I don't want one of your star-fangled, super-dooper, all-singing, all-dancing, neon-light-flashing, sequin-spangled man-eating fish - I just want your basic, common or garden orange variety and a bowl, please."

Her: *Looks at me as though I'm retarded* Yes. That's what I'm talking about.

Me: So how much is a bowl then?

Her: I'm sorry, but we just don't sell fish like that anymore.

Me: Oh really. When did you stop selling fish like that then?

Her: 1979

Me: Okaaaaaaay. So bring me up todate, because the last fish I had when I were knee-high to a sparrow was orange, opened it's gob a lot, swam round and round in circles in a plastic bowl ooh about this *shows with hands* big and we cleaned it out once a week.

Her: *Stares at me* And how long did that fish last exactly?

Me: Hm... well I'm a bit fuzzy on the detail because I was only four....

Her: Roughly speaking?

Me: A year? Ish? Give or take?

Her: Well they are supposed to live for twenty.

Me: Funk me.

Her: And without a filter you would have to clean the bowl out every twenty minutes by hand using a 10% ratio of water reduction until the bowl was sufficiently clean, and before added the water you would have had to de-chlorinate it with these *shows me a packet of de-chlorinater and anti-bactirial stuff* meaning effectively you would have been emptying the bowl continuously none-stop.

Me: Right. Well we just used tap water.

Her: Once a week?

Me: Think so yeah.

Her: Wasn't it dirty?

Me: Well I remember once or twice some green crap around the bowl but nothing that bad. Looked OK to me. I mean, you know, I wouldn't have drank it but for a fish it was clean.

Her: Well, actually fish deficate quite a LOT and produce toxic chemicals into the water and unless these are purified the fish literally poisons itself to death so we couldn't possibly sell you a fish without the proper equipment.

Me: So which is the cheapest bowl, er I mean, tank there is?

Her: You are looking at £40.

Me: Funk me.

Her: and then you'd need this this and this.

Me: OK. And I could take this *points at a nice gold fish* with me.

Her: No.

Me: *begins to think I'm living in a bad dream where fish rule the world have devised a cunning plan to make us worship them* why?

Her: For a fish that big which will grow to about 5 or 6 inches you'd need a tank THIS big to give it sufficient room *points at a tank worth more than my car*

Me: So what fish could I put in the smaller tank?

Her: These, these and these.

Me: *looks* I can't see anything.

Her: There they are.

Me: *looks really hard* I'm sorry I can't see any... ohhhhhhhh... that tiny bit of floating plankton??

Her: yes. You could have five of those. Six maximum. We couldn't let you have more.

Me: *looks really hard* they're a bit small....

Her: for the tank these are the fish that are appropriate. If you want to take them you'll have to take the tank today and come back in 2 weeks time for the fish

Me: WHY???

Her: Because it will take that long for the tank to be ready

Me: And for the read carpet to be laid out? and the canopes to be ready?

Her: What?

Me: *leaving* nothing. Long live the 1970s......

Why I email everybody instead of ringing

2006-03-31T13:49:00.000+01:00

Some people have asked why I never ring them and just email instead. For those of you without kids I will try to give you the scenario, as played out in my children's heads:

Ring Ring! Ring Ring!

JAWS: *Ears prick up like a lioness out in the Serengeti* Hark - I hear the phone. That means someone is trying to communicate with our resident butt-wiper. This could spell disaster! She may get ideas above her station - give her some breathing space and she may begin thinking she is entitled to talk when she likes - she might taste freedom and demand more time to herself. Ye Gads - she may stop worshipping us with less than 200% undivided attention. Quick! A Plan. We need a plan!

*bolts over to Mum's legs and begins whining*

Me: What is it Jaws? Sorry what were you saying? Sorry? What? I'm sorry - I can't hear you ... I think... he wants the phone. Or maybe he's done a poo. Hold on *lifts Jaws up and smells bum* No, he's just whining for the phone. Speak up and carry on.

Jaws: Damn. My cunning plan has failed. Double damn it all. That was my best weapon. But I shall not be thwarted so easily. *bolts over to a wall socket and tries to stick his tongue in*

Me: yeah.. yeah... so.. OH GOD wait there he's trying to kill himself. Just a second. *picks Jaws up and puts him in his walker* Yeah what were you saying?

Jaws: DAMN! She's good. But I will not be foiled. *trundles over to the desk and begins throwing books and eating paper*

Me: yeah? and.... OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! Wait a minute please *grabs books etc and pushes Jaws away* Carry on

Jaw: That was just the beginning butt-wipe *begins to wail til tears drop off chin end*

Me: Look, I just can't hear you. Speak up. Sorry? What??

*Boss runs in and joins the affray* Jaws: Ha! My allies have arrived! I knew I could rely on him - he comes in very useful. Must remember to keep him sweet. Brother! To arms!!

Boss: *begins monkey/donkey/airplane/car/bus/fog horn/wildebeest/lion/snake/blue whale/fighter plane noises*

Me: SORRY?? WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU SAID?? WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU - BOSS - please be quiet I'm trying to TALK *they ignore me and the window panes begin to rattle, wine glasses several streets away shatter, dogs within a two mile radius begin to whimper and my ears begin to bleed, I lose the will to live and consider sound-proofing my children's gobs* LOOK - I'M SORRY - I JUST CAN'T HEAR YOU - EMAIL ME - I CAN READ EVEN WHEN THEY MAKE A NOISE. OK BYE. THANKS FOR CALLING.

*I put the phone down and take some painkillers and the boys secretly do high fives when I'm out of the room*

You know, even convicts are allowed one phonecall.

There comes a time in every baby's life...

2006-03-31T13:48:00.000+01:00

... when he *has* to come out of the sleepsuits. Goddamn it. The time has come.

Why can't we all just wear sleepsuits all the time anyway. Makes life so much easier.

2006-03-30T19:23:00.000+01:00

Islamic site H just emailed me.

We Learn not so that we become great people it is so that we can survive on the Day of Judgement - Sheikh Muhammed Al Yaqoubi (Shaam)

2006-03-30T18:32:00.000+01:00

Had a rather downbeat conversation with some Mums and Dads at NA today and it left me a bit full of heart-ache. Today the Mums and Dads of the nursery group there were asked to leave their little ones with staff to get them used to be left without Mum (preparing them for pre-school and ultimately school). I was talking to one woman and she sounded like such a nice decent lady and it was tearing her apart that she had to leave her son in there and kept taking peeks inside to see if he was OK (the other parents had driven off to get an hours peace). He wasn't crying, but he just sat there quietly looking at the door. It was tearing her apart and she didn't know how she was going to do it full-time like her other kids. "But" came the inevitable one-liner, "they've got to get used to it sometime". Then other parents returned and they all shared their loathing of having to leave their kids - some were honest enough to admit they couldn't wait to leave their kids at school all day and get their life back, but without questions they ALL said "They have to get used to it sometime. The sooner they get over it the better. It's for their own good". So I innocently asked, "Have any of you considered homeschooling?" Silence. Except the woman I was speaking to admitted she had thought about it. The rest didn't not want that comfort zone intruded upon so I shut up (yes I actually shut up - amazing innit - I must be learning something in my old age!). And it physically hurt to think about all these children being torn from their Mummy's arms to be tended to all day by strangers when they didn't WANT to be. And being pushed away by people they depend on for protection. And when these little kids came out, my God, they were half the size of Boss and were just babies - literally toddling everywhere. It makes you think what chance do these people have when they are thrown in at the deep end to literally sink or swim? And the parents calously saying "it's for their own good - they have to get used to it sometime" with stupid grins on their faces. They are just babies for crying out loud. It took all my concentration not to tell them all about what I learned as a sociology student - that kids who are pushed away are more likely to be LESS independent rather than more!

It broke my heart.

And it got me thinking again about how much I contribute towards things. Someone once said you can't change the world and you have to take baby steps and I think sometimes that's my problem - I want to be able to do so much that I end up doing nothing because it's too much. I think I want to go back into counselling (doing it, not receiving it LOL.... although maybe I need it?!) again, specialising in bereavement counselling for children. I have looked into this before and out it on a back-burner, but I think I need to do something constructive that I felt was actually helping people. I was so dissatisfied with teaching simply because it didn't impact on anybody's life - it was just one big game - teaching lab rats to jump through hoops.

Anyway - we got to see frogs and frog spawn there today which was just an amazing thing to see (can you believe I have never seen real live frog spawn before?!). Boss, who is quickly becoming a fan of David Attenborough, was enthralled. We may to film his next commentary about frogs very soon ;-) We also went to see the smelly animals and it was quite amusing to see the tiddlers find the only muddy puddle there are ruin all their nice Next gear - one lad even managed to lay flat out in it - twice! I may be being too smug for my own good, but I was relieved it wasn't Boss.

Had a good clear out today of where my bookcase should be (but isn't because I don't have one). I needed to get some books from the bottom to the top and sorted through that. Found loads of books appropriate for Boss right now and spent much of the afternoon pawing through them. Also watched some blue whale web casts and heard the song of the humpback whale - Jaws immediately imitating it.

Also received some parcels from my beloved eBay - some whale and dolphin pop-up books - Boss very happy, and The Screwtape Letters for me.

I have also discussed the idea with DH that I need to leave Boss with him in the afternoons as I try to salvage some friendships and have conversations with adults without having to peel Boss off other peoples' kids and nagging him all the time. He agrees that he just can't be taken anywhere so I'm glad he has agreed to watch him occasionally so I can get out more. Because of how Boss is I have limited myself so much and turned down so many invitations simply because they are untenable propositions with him around. I don't think that is fair to either of us. So we'll see how that pans out insha'allah.

2006-03-29T18:31:00.000+01:00

Boss is still ill and coughing and spluttering in my face every three seconds. Greeeeat. Yum. Didn't do much.

Our Charlotte's Web arrived - hurrah! except not a real hurrah since I bid on it and someone gazumped me so I bid on another (and won) then someone retracted their bid on THIS one (are you still with me?) and so I won it aswell. Grr. So now I have two. Anyone *out there* want a Charlotte's Web gratis??

Anyway, Boss eagerly thumbing through the book and can't wait to start it. Looking at all the illustrations and trying to figure out the plot. Nearly finished WIW, tomorrow I'd say insha'allah and he's enjoying that too. It's nice to have children who *want* to learn isn't it? It must be very disheartening to have children who cannot be engaged.

So read another chapter of WIW and then we decorated some boiled eggs with wax crayons and food colouring. We smashed about half *rolls eyes* but he really like doing this - the colouring, not the smashing, although I think he liked that too TBH.

We continued our whale project today by finishing off the introduction and covering beached whales. He now knows what beached whales are, what a whale tail is called, the various position that whales swim in and has cursory knowledge of the fact that whales communicate through noises - baleen through low-frequency songs and toothed through a series of clicks and whistles, insha'allah we will go into this a bit more, and he knows that groups of whales are called pods - baleen preferring the solitary life. We then listened to various whale songs on the net.

The printer isn't recognising the cartridge so the whales look blood red and pink *shrugs*

Tomorrow insha'allah we will begin studying each whale in turn. Starting with the Blue and he wants to do the Minke whale after that (he calls it the Inky Whale - too much Jolly Phonics I think...)

Would like to wrap up the spring theme by making some lambs with some fabric I have and round it off by going up to the farm either on Sat or Sun to see lambs and chicks etc.

Went food shopping this afternoon which seemed to take four hours and left me exhausted. And yes the till stopped moving as soon as I started piling my food on the conveyor belt AGAIN *rolls eyes*. I am going to have to start shopping online. I can't physically do this every week. I am drained and have lost the will to live.

I'm pooped. Night kids.

We got up

2006-03-28T18:27:00.000+01:00

... at 10:30 today. Yeah, I can't quite believe it myself. Boss is ill and Jaws just seemed to want to sleep in. Made doing anything constructive a bit hard - everyone a bit mopey.

That said, we read further on in Wind in the Willows (WIW). Almost finished that and Boss in awe that we are reading so much and completing so much. He is proud that he has almost finished another "big" book.

Then continuing our spring theme we looked at baby chicks and discussed nesting and eggs and the like. We made a chicken, with feathers, an egg with eggshell and a chick with yellow fluff. Very good.

Then we read a book called "Cock Robin" which I had from childhood working through the seasons through the eyes of a robin, from winter through to spring, nesting, raising the young, summer and onto autumn. This stirred his interest in birds and we spent an hour or so reading another book about British garden books, pointing out the ones we generally see here, and then onto the different types of bills and feet.

In the afternoon we continued our whale project. We typed what we knew to Word - which won't print because the printer is sulking, so here it is on the screen :P

Dictated by Boss, typed by me (obviously).

We then covered the various postures in which whales can be seen, breaching, spyhopping, logging and lobtailing and watched some webcasts of it in action. Then did this to add to the overall book:

Boiled some more eggs for some craft tomorrow insha'allah and that's all we managed to do today. Much reading. Lots of cuddles.

2006-03-27T19:56:00.000+01:00

Want to try this recipe found over on All things Creative

No Bean Hummous.

2 medium zucchini
1/4 c. olive oil
4-8 garlic cloves
2 tsp celtic sea salt (or use dulse flakes)
1/2 c. lemon or lime juice
3/4 c. sesame seeds
3/4 c. tahini
1/4 tsp cayenne
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp ground cumin

Process zucchini, olive oil and garlic first in food processor. Add remaining ingredients and process until smooth!! Yummy!

From Sad to Raw

So the clocks went forward

2006-03-27T18:31:00.000+01:00

and everyone is all over the place with their sleep patterns. Boss is ill. Jaws I think may have teeth coming *shriek* judging by the amount of tongue waggling over his bottom jaw he is doing.

Had parents and sister down at the weekend. Presented Mum with her basket, bouquet and choccies. Boss loves the new jeans and books she brought him and keeps saying "these are my BEST books/jeans EVER - much nice than the ones YOU get me Mum"... what makes him think *I* buy him stuff???

So we tried to start our whale project with me working with only half a brain (oh wait I already had half a brain so this must be HALF half a brain.... ) tanked up on caffeine and him with snot running down his face. We read about different whales, watched a few web casts, saw the David Attenborough footage of the Blue Whale again and printed off some pictures. He cut them out and we stuck them to some sugar paper and made a front cover of (hopefully) a booklet.

Yeah I'm not impressed either, but I just hadn't planned anything and he was ill so *shrugs* that's what we got up to. Also wrote an introduction on Word.

We read another chapter of Wind in the Willows, he played with his Mein Kleine Dorf that his nana brought him yesterday and then pretended he was David Attenborough commentating on a bird. I filmed it and he watched it and wet himself. I may put it on YouTube for friends and family later once I can ascertain that no one else can see it.

Then he assed about again. I am finding this stressful. Unless he has one-on-one attention every minute of the day he is aggressive and destructive and innane. He won't entertain himself at all and I am just wondering if this is because Jaws trashes everything??

2006-03-24T18:29:00.000Z

I have a friend. She has girls. They want to visit. And herein lies much stressing out, for although the girls are lovely they are, at the end of the day, girls. They have no testosterone and little patience with those who do. It will end in tears. There will be much apologising on my part and much frenzied assing about on Boss' part. I find having girls and Boss in the same room a complete nightmare. And not because of either party - I like the girls, they are lovely and I am jelous of people who have girls simply because they seem so keen to do things and have no problem at all at sitting down, holding a pen, listening, doing creative things or not hurting people *all* the time. I love Boss too - OK he quite clearly has certain energy level issues and thinks pulling hair is funny, but he is better than he used to be and one-on-one I can just about handle it. But put them together?? Do I need that headache? Do I need those tears and heartaches? I think I will decline the offer, thus declining another chance at talking to a real live adult (again). Will I have any friends left at this rate once my children have flown the nest???

I have also irked another friend. She lives in Bradford. Once again I spoke before I thought and instead of saying what I really thought and answering in a way she deserved I lashed out and tongue-lashed her through unthinking reflex of old habits and character traits. Lord, it is hard to change yourself, and just when you think you might have a handle on it, wham! some more crap rises to the surface. I remember reading a hadith that states that what we say can come between us and heaven on judgement day. I think from now on I will simply try to do dhikr ALL the time - that way I can't get anything wrong. I am going to have to ring her up and grovel. I am so lucky that I have such forgiving friends; if I was them I'd have drop-kicked me by now. *sigh*

Anyway, I have just bid on some Roald Dahl books on eBay - Danny Champion and Charlie Chocolate... should be amusing when we read one of the characters is called Willy Wonka ;-) Still haven't received our Charlotte's Web so made a start today on an abridged Wind in the Willows. It is going down very well so far. Boss telling everyone he meets that he's read LW&W. Aw, first big book....

Continuing our spring theme I presented Boss and Jaws today with their egg and egg cup - very good. We all enjoyed the egg and Boss walking round holding the cup all day like it was his new best friend, "I love you Mummy because you gave me this at breakfast time"...

Then we made a nest out of chocolate and Shredded Wheat and he was amazed to find some chocolate mini eggs there a while later. "A magic bird has laid some magic eggs!!!"

We did little else. Watched some David Attenborough DVDs on whales and sealife. Did you know that a Blue whale has veins so wide you could swim down them? And it's tongue is as heavy as an elephant? Clearly, you haven't lived and Boss *will* be informing you of these things very shortly...

My turn

2006-03-24T14:49:00.000Z

2006-03-23T18:41:00.000Z

Went to NA and beautiful spring-like weather made the morning seem to fly. It was an open day there so there were more people than usual and Boss had a good time with two other boys. He even ordered various Mums around to show them ladybirds and other things of interest...

Played in the garden in the afternoon. Jaws in the swing.

Managed to clean the garden up a bit after a winter of real neglect. Need to sort the flowers out a bit more and I would like to change the end bit of the garden for Boss to dig and muck about in.

Then Boss made dens in the living room, we finished off LW&W - hurrah - and that was it.

2006-03-22T14:58:00.000Z

I'm tired. Is it compulsory to feel this tired? Is it?

Had a nice walk to the group today. Ib told Boss about the time he nearly got knocked over whist they held hands, and Boss being an attentive listener managed to squish the punchline with "LOOK - A BIN LORRY".
Did the circle time (which looks more like a really long rectangle at the moment) and they had a snack. Nattered with Aunty N and came home. Boss managing to impale himself on a thorn bush on the way back *rolls eyes*.

Dyed eggs which had varying degrees of success; I think we might paint them tomorrow instead insha'allah. We looked at birds and nests on the net then made our own nest to put the eggs in.

Read LW&W and only have one chapter left. The witch is dead and Boss can't believe how much we've read :D

I have ordered a Charlotte's Web. I have a Harry Potter around here somewhere. The thing with books is, and perhaps this is prudish, but I don't want to get books which celebrate bad behaviour. I really don't need help in that department. And I'm clueless with books as we never read very many when I was a child. Hence my loathing of books? Well, after a sound "education" I think it has part to do with it. I remember reading Roald Dahl's stuff - BFG is OK isn't it, but Danny Champion just celebrates bare-face theft. Things which innocent can give quite the wrong message sometimes. I may need to shout out for help when it comes to books in the future so please bear all this in mind ;-)

For 4D, some help with abbreviations:

jzk - means 'jazakallah khair' and means 'may Allah reward you'
i.a. - means 'insha'allah' and means 'if Allah wills/allows it to happen'
subhan'allah - means 'glory to Allah' and is a term of praise and amazement
masha'allah - you say this at something nice and means 'it comes from Allah' ergo is good because of that.

Have nothing interesting to say.

2006-03-21T14:57:00.000Z

Food shopping is always fun - nowhere else do you get the experience of having to manage balancing various items from food to apparel while at the same time coochy-cooing a cross baby and systematically restraining a human dynamo and apologising to various wronged individuals. Thankyou to the lady who stopped the shelf from falling down on Boss - I am indebted since I could neither afford to replace lost stock nor handle the embarrassment of having to have the fire brigade called to release child from the clutches of household necessities. I didn't quite like the look you gave me which read "what kind of mother are you", but as I am by now used to it, I'll let that slide. Of course it is *my* fault that he behaves the way he does - because I really *love* having to deal with his innane nonsense from morning to evening. I specifically *ask* him to behave this way. Go on - give me MORE dirty looks. I lap them up.

Anyway, managed to forget some essential items *rolls eyes* and couldn't fit all the shopping back into the trolley once it was all in bags. I don't understand how this could happen unless the cashier was secretly putting extra things in my bags when I wasn't looking... who knows. Luckily I had found a really good car parking place really near the store so was feeling a bit smug about it. Until the car decided it didn't want to start. Hmm... Oh well. Got there in the end. Started the car eventually and Boss said "phew - good job I just prayed to Allah then isn't it??!". I reckon.

Got home and boy it takes a long time getting the shopping sorted. It tires me out. Ate lunch, cleaned the house, then resumed our daffodil thing. Today we worked with soft pastels and watercolour - wet on wet.

We had a huge picture of a daff to inspire us and I taught him how to see various colour changes in the composition and to draw what he sees not what he thinks he sees. Went well until he saw some other colours he liked and he just drew, well he says it's an Indian elephant, but behind it is something yellow - that's the daffodil.

I worked beside him doing one too and I think the benefit of working like this is twofold - firstly it allows me time to do something creative, which I have not done for about a decade, and secondly it gives him a model to imitate. The resulting artwork isn't the point right now, but he has a chance to sample different things and see what should be done.

My offering

Watercolour

Then we read LW&W - he's in awe that we are nearly at the end. I think he feels a sense of accomplishment in that - and so do I. It is the first "big book" we have read together all the way through, and I am happy that he could follow the plot and remember what has been happening.

Next we observed our growing things and made notes to the notebook.

We put the pictures to the wall and cupboards.

We made some flowers for the sake of it.

And we cut the grass in the pot garden. And we're done with daffodils now.

I am tired after a long day of Boss being "full on". I thank Allah for the strength to manage and to serve my family, and even though I am tired I am grateful too. Boss in bed, everyone's veins on the side of their temples are slowly returning to within normal paremeters.

I'm pooped.

First day of Spring!

2006-03-20T15:24:00.000Z

Can you tell?? Hm...

HV was supposed to turn up today but oops I didn't hear her knocking on the door and she just left a calling card instead. Damn. I really enjoy meeting up with community nurses as I find their insight into child-rearing invaluable, and as Jaws is quite clearly underweight I am indebted to their weighing scales as well. *rolls eyes*

Right. Did circle time, read LW&W - Aslan died, Aslan lives. Boo- hoo then hurrah. Good stuff. Am wondering what book to do with him next. Have an idea it might Charlotte's Web - I've never read it - is it any good - age appropriate etc?? Waiting for 3rd April when Narnia is released on DVD - rented it from Amazon - hope it goes down better than the dinosaurs. Sleeping *much* better now that all trace of dinosaurs are gone.

I am fed up of his assing about. I have had just about enough of it. He needs more direction. We have decided to do a whale project. He's vey interested in whales all of a sudden (they are the BIGGEST thing on earth etc etc). So instead of dinosaurs we'll do that insha'allah.

Made the baskets for the flowers today. Still needs a few finishing touches, but here they are, one for my Mum and one fo DH's Mum. Mother's Day *check*:

Ready to be filled with flower and choccies.

Then Boss did Duplo. Being very inventive with his vehicle-making: This is a street-cleaner which sucks the dirt into the back of the trash can.

Until Genghis Khan - He of the Search and Destroy missions found it:

I had intended to more with him today, but too much head pain interferred with anything productive. Insha'allah perhaps tomorrow...

I'm sorry

2006-03-18T20:18:00.000Z

but you just *have* to read this. Tell me you don't PYRFLOL....

Click to read

2006-03-18T19:36:00.000Z

Did nothing much today. Some people had to come from the landlord to fit draught excluders on our front and back doors which was exciting... thereafter we played cars and read animal books.

I have decided to cut dinosaurs out of our lives for the time being. It is obviously stressing him out. He doesn't need to know about things that are ferocious and deadly and monster-like and huge and death-defying and terrifying. Making a conscious effort not to expose him to anything ugly and frightening at this stage of his life. He needs reassurance and a confirmation that the world is a safe place full of beautiful things.

So the dinosaur books are gone and the DVD has been sent back. He was very understanding about it and didn't quibble. I think he actually wa relieved that we made that decision and we read animal books instead. I have told him that next time he finds something frightening he has to tell us then we won't do it again. He seemed more relaxed.

He watched some wildlife DVDs instead today which were beautiful.

Then we counted to hundred and he surprised me by counting further than I knew he could. He understands the sequence but falls down on the number change, so we worked on 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100 and used snap cubes to understand the number in relation to a concrete 'thing'.

Then we played with the buttons I got at Re-Store. He decided it would be our money and he gave me some "because I know you're poor" and that he would buy me a Bentley, but he was going to buy a Hyundai *shrugs*. Sorted beads and basically role played.

Then he assed about too much for my liking. It's getting inane again and he's obviously bored so we sat down to make more flowers. He scrunched the tissue and I did the pipe cleaner:

Then he wanted to look at the carrot and avocado seed:

The root is longer but the leaf seems reluctant to leave the nice, warm niche of the seed...

Leaves doing great but the roots aren't interested in putting in an appearance...

Boss then dug out an old workbook/sticker book which I never really like but seem to be fulfilling a purpose. He can pretty much do them without much input from me now so long as they are basic pre-school stuff. Actually I think I under-estimate the value of these things - he really concentrates on them - loves putting the stickers where they go, and colouring some things in. In fact, books are the central resource of our lives - Boss is just transfixed upon books and Jaws makes a bee-line to them also. And when he grabs one and we let him hold it for a bit (before he cautiously tries to shove it in his gob) he really knows he has something special. Boss is just transported to different worlds through them.

We then read some LW&W and that's it.

The Post where I think my son is actually a teenage midget

2006-03-18T18:42:00.000Z

or an alternative title: The Post where if I had sent my kid to school and owned a TV I would be ruing that day....

My son, the dynamo, is showing signs of maturity. Not in a good way. Not in good stuff like being able to wipe his own bum and make his own meals. I mean, he has forwarded in attitude ten years whilst being held captive inside the body of a four year old. He is bigger than his boots suggest. I had thought that the teenage years would come when, you know, he was a teenager. But no. They have come a decade early in this house and he is practising with unrelenting enthusiasm his precision one-liner throwing - the darts of his mouth. Sample, if you will, the attitude problem which, heaven help me, can only get worse as he learns more words:

Me: Boss, do you mind - you've knocked that on the floor.

Boss: Yeah? And?

***

Me: Boss I don't like your behaviour. Would you like to goto your room?

Boss: Whatever.

***

Me: Boss you've dropped that book and you've ripped it.

Boss: So.

***

Me: Oh look, you've made Jaws cry

Boss: Who cares.

***

Me: Eat! Eat it now. Now!!

Boss: I am *not* going to do it. And you can't make me.

***

Me: Do you want me to help you do that?

Boss: No. You can't do it. You're a girl. Girl's can't do *anything* they can't.

Me: Yes they can!

Boss: No. They can't. They really can't. They just cry.

***

Boss: You pretend you're the doctor - no - wait - you're a girl, you be the nurse.

Me: ..er, girls *can* be doctors too.

Boss: No they can't.

Me: Yes. They can. My doctor is a lady.

Boss: *ignores me* Girls just aren't as good as me - because I'm a boy and boys are brilliant, it's just unbelievable.

***

Me: If you do that again I will send you to your room.

Boss: Do I look bovvered?

***

Me: Boss, please pick that up for me.

Boss: You dropped it. Pick it up yourself.

***

Yelp!

OK normal service is resumed, almost...

2006-03-17T18:27:00.000Z

... taking my extra med and feeling *way* too spaced out. I'll give it a few more days and either cut it back or space the med out a bit.

Right.

So we did circle time. Surahs and action rhymes. Jaws slept and then we continued our daffodil theme. Using the egg containers we painted the other day we made three cards/pictures of daffodils.

Then using pipecleaners, the rest of the egg cartons and some tissue paper we made a possie of "real" daffodils.

Then we painted the pipe-cleaners green and did some others in advance for another session, as the idea is that we will insha'allah make a few more flowers with cleaners and tissue paper to make a pretty bouquet, then place these in a basket which I would like to make with him out of a plastic tub covered in strips of coloured paper adding a garlanded handle out of paper, adding some sparkle here and there, and ta-da, that's mother's day sorted. I've just re-read that and can't believe it's me talking. What have I become?? - like Margery Proops on a Blue Peter Fest. Where has all my youthful anti-establishment rebellion gone?? Bleedin' hell....

Next week I'd like to move onto the eggs and this ties in nicely with dinosaurs (?!) and as well as dying some it would be cute to make some nests too, and maybe some confectionary nests out of shredded wheat and chocolate and some miniature eggs in when he isn't looking as a surprise. (?)

We washed our hands of the glue and then I gave him the dinosaurs we painted the other day and he finished off the detail with oil pastels.

Which lead neatly onto watching the first of the DVDs I rented from Amazon (they have a free trial offer for three DVDs) and yes, I know it isn't Waldorf and I'll probably regret it, but anyway, "Walking with Dinosaurs" disc 1. Covered the time of the dawn of the dinosaurs, then episode two was diplodocus with a few stegasaurus and allosaurs thrown in for good measure. Enraptured audience.

I can see now I have to clean my screen... hm... anyway, this instigated a LOT of dinosaur role playing this afternoon. He was really proud to have been given a tail

He wore it will pride and took it very seriously, so much so that Jaws kept trying to grab it. So we gave him one too :P

Then we undid the flower press. Squished flowers. Very good.

We read some more LW&W and just read dinosaur/pterosaur books till my eyes bled.

Then bed and he screamed again. I think it is dinosaur related, though I can't be sure. Have to reassure him lots and lots from here on in. Have to leave the landing light on *rolls eyes* is this normal for a four year old? I suppose it is. *sigh*

P.S. Jaws has been furniture walking (and furniture falling off and smashing his skull) for a week now. SHRIEK

2006-03-17T15:23:00.000Z

Farley’s recalls one batch of soya formula due to contamination with milk during processing

To the Lady in John Lewis

2006-03-16T20:06:00.000Z

Yeah you. The one with the furry Trilby sitting on the shop mobility scooter.

Dear Madam,

It may have escaped your notice that there are other people in the universe. We share the same air space and you can tell us apart by the way we move - Hello! we're over he-re!! Count our legs - we all have two. Except you. You have wheels. If you are ever in doubt as to what and what is not stationary, unfeeling mounds of marble or wood you only have to count the legs. Shop counters have NO legs and people have two. Let me repeat that: shop counters have no legs (and don't generally move around saying "ooh" and "ah") and people have two. Or at least they do when you're not around.

Should you wish for me to further illustrate this point then let me take you no further than to our own encounter whereby I made the mistake of standing to look into a counter top and you, either through wilful neglect, madness or accident ran into me. Several times in fact. In fact you even reversed a little before taking a second pop at my legs and saying in a loud voice "will she ever move?" so I am guessing you could see me. I mean, you're not blind, right? They don't let you drive if you're blind, surely? I politely ignored you because I have my own worries which preoccupy me even when the blades of Boadicea take chunks out of my lower legs. But you know, even as dumb as I am, even I cannot ignore being ran into seven times with greater velocity and persistent pig-headedness. Had you only asked me - either rudely or politely, to move I would have instantly moved out of your way. But you didn't. You didn't ask, because obviously I am pond life who deserves no such niceties. Instead you rammed into my legs over and over again until such rage enveloped me and such anger overtook me that had you not been in a shop mobility scooter I would have put you in one. So forgive me for being stubborn. Forgive me for not moving an inch. Forgive me for pretending to find fake jewelry rivetting. I did it all to annoy you. I stood fifteen minutes when I didn't really want to, just to wind you up and take up your time and irritate you as much as I could. It wasn't a nice thing to do, but neither is driving into someone whilst shouting "will this woman never get out of my way???!" I am sorry you had to reverse and find an alternative route. I am sorry you had to learn the hard way that I don't budge an inch when I'm bullied. I am sorry you had to endure my pig-headedness too.

So for future reference let's go over what we learned today: the magic word is 'please', people don't move when you run over them, things with legs are not to be driven into and most importantly the last thing is this:

take a good look at my face, because if you ever do that to me again - I'll take you down.

Doctors

2006-03-16T19:47:00.000Z

I hate going to the doctors, because I hate being ill. I hate the necessity of having to go. I hate the walk there. I hate the walk back. I hate having to sit in the waiting room clenching my butt as Boss picks his nose and points at people and tells me what they look like.

Woah! articulated truck almost toppled over right outside our house. How cool would that have been.

Anyway, we began the day by beating a path to my GP and sitting in their waiting room which is so small you have keep your knees and elbows squished in. This isn't a problem unless you have a four year old who does circuit-training (nothing beats multi-tasking when you're waiting to see if the men in white coats are ready to abseil in through the windows screaming GO GO GO), standing on peoples' toes, knocking into their bags and trying to sit next to them looking out of the window. There were a fair amount of people, as observed by Boss. The usual crowd - a mixture of young and old, normal and crazy-looking. I always end up sitting next to the crazy-looking guy and if I don't they always manage to sit next to me as I pretend I can't see them and think that arguing with yourself is normal. I think I'm a magnet for society's dregs - it must be my karma or something - I have this knack of accumulating nuts and they follow me around like the end scene of a Benny Hill show.

Well there was a guy, and no joke, he was so huge that he would every right to finish off every sentence with "...puny earthling" with a voice that made Barry White sound like a schoolboy. Enormous doesn't come into it - I have seen oak trees smaller than this man. He looks like someone out of the CIA on a recon mission - and yes he has sunglasses on (hello - take a look outside - either you have serious eye damage which necessitates total black out or you are famous or trying to look as though you are, because it is *raining* and *grey* and how can you see a damn thing with those things on... I'm getting old aren't I... yeah). So they call his name, at least I think they do, the intercom in our GPs is just a phone nailed to the wall and it's really hard to hear anything. Especially if *someone* is making diesel noises. So he gets up after hearing his name, which seems to be "Zorkon" or something like that which means he either comes from Mikon or Vulcan or the planet Plog and I half expect him to walk straight through the wall he looks *that* mean. But instead he walks to the door and again I half expect him to pull out his laser gun, fire at the door handle, boot the door open with his size 270 big, black boots whilst bellowing "Take me to your leader.... puny earthling" or "Give me big tub of white man medicine before I rip out your still beating black heart and make you eat it.... puny earthling!!!" before pointing his AK-47 Soviet assault rifles at the man's head. And who wouldn't like to see *that* happen.... but he didn't do anything remotely Terminator like and we were left with just a few people, one of whom was a boy in school uniform who just sat there quietly with his mum not fidgeting or talking or pacing up and down. Obviously on Ritalin.

Then thank God it was our turn and Boss ran into the office like he was meeting a long lost friend. How are you? How are you today? Well, I'm just fine and dandy thankyoueversomuch for asking Doctor. I just dropped by to see how YOU were. How you keeping? How's the kids, what did you do at the weekend? Isn't it cold for the time of year?

How am I???!! I’m ill! Tell you what, if you look at that really big calculator you got there with my name at the top, you know, the one that if it was in real paper would take up two or three drawers of a filing cabinet you will see it tells you I am ill – I’m cuckoo, ga-ga, nuts, crazy, loopy loo, one bolt short, some wires are wonky, the lights are on the gate is down but the train just ain’t coming, the sparks are misfiring, I’m cracked, gone, coca loca, the craziest insanest citizen of crazyville, *ta da!* That’s me!

How am I?? Please. *roll eyes* Then in the distance I hear my DHs voice calling to me and as I turn my head I can almost see him, just like Obi-Wan (ben) Kenobi talking to a young Skywalker, all fuzzy (he needs a haircut) and I hear the last thing he said to me before he left the house: “Tell her, D… Tell her … Tell her you’re nuts and need stronger medication. TELL HER. AND DON’T COME BACK HERE TIL SHE GIVES YOU STRONGER MED – I MEAN IT! MAKE SURE SHE GIVES YOU SOMETHING - MORE ADs, VALIUM, LITHIUM, ELECTRIC SHOCK TREATMENT – A LABOTOMY – ANYTHING - ANYTHING THAT WILL PUT YOUR WHEELS BACK ON THE TRACK AND STOP YOU TAKING US DOWN WITH YOU!!!”

So I pour my heart out while she oohs and ahs and the short story is she ups my dosage to 20mg escitalopram oxalate and tells me to come back in four weeks time. And here’s guaranteeing that when she sees me again I can pretty much guess her reaction will be “Oh God, you again??! NOW what??!” You wait and see.

Then we goto Tescos, because I love that type of pain, and we buy things I can’t carry: milk, apple juice, more milk, jars of stuff, milk, yoghurts, breeze blocks, milk, loft insulation, iron girders and more milk. I really should go vegan now that I think about it. I wouldn’t get through half as many breeze blocks… I also bought my sons two chocolate eggs each which comes with a cute little egg-cup with a picture of a hen on the front (I wonder how they came up with the idea of a hen – and so life-like too) with a lovely little plastic spoon. I thought I’d give them it to celebrate the start of spring. I haven’t given them it yet. It would be nice to dye some eggs first. DH giving me that look again OK, D, so we’ve done the pagan sun worship solstice, now we’re celebrating EASTER, if I find you butt naked in the garden hugging the trees next week you will be frog-marched for the electric shock treatment, make no mistake about it.

I look for daffodils because the ones in our nature corner are dead, and funk me, there are none to be found. Not one. I mean, hello, it’s SPRING, people. SPRING. No daffodils – what is this – Russia?? Who doesn’t have daffodils??? Who??? You, that’s who! I am irked. I get some over-grown daisies instead which smell nice…

Then we make it to the check-out aisle and I have the same knack with check-out aisles as I do for picking up crazy people – no matter which aisle I pick, it will be the wrong one. Every. Single. Time. You know, you find the aisle that has only one old woman in front of you and she only has one thing in her basket, like a lemon or a pair of stockings, and you bristle with smugness as you look around you and see the twenty foot queues snaking up the booze and bottled-water aisle, until you realise that the woman in front of you is brain dead, deaf, retarded, comprendes non englis, has Alzheimers, is wearing her slippers and has her coat on back-to-front and the items she has are broken/ squished/ have the top missing/ on sale and the sticker doesn’t come off/ on sale and the sale price won’t run through the till/ has no barcode/ doesn’t exist in the till memory/ doesn’t exist/ the item is from another shop/ universe/ she is attempting to pay for her library book and when she finally understands what is going on (or wakes up) she doesn’t understand the question about the store card and has to be asked three times then needs someone to explain what it all means and even then she doesn’t GET it, then she remembers she has vouchers, no wait, that’s denture cream and those vouchers are monopoly money, she still doesn’t understand that they don’t work and even when the man (I say ‘man’ but looks like half man, half Brylcreem monster) takes her “voucher” and pretends they work she insists on paying for her one item with one. Pence. Coins. which have fallen out of her purse and are right at the bottom of her trolley with wheels underneath a mountain of Kleenex and bus tickets and sucky-sweets and knitting, and she scrabbles around until it gets to a point where you are chewing on your fist out of sheer frustration and end up screaming OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD – HERE!! I’LL PAY – WHAT IS IT 18 PENCE??? – TAKE IT – TAKE MY PURSE; TAKE MY BANK CARDS; TAKE MY CAR KEYS – OH WHAT THE HELL: TAKE *ME* JUST HURRY THE HELL UP!!!!!!
And it really doesn’t matter which aisle I pick, whichever one I choose it is like alarms go off somewhere and people come running and brains start exploding and common sense is put on stand-by and we enter a parallel universe where nothing works, or the till melts down, or is struck by lightening, the cashiers change shift and lose their keys or the computers stops working or the drawer jams and they have to get the manager who is really a relief manager and the hair bleach has seeped through her skull and blanched her brain and she doesn’t know where the keys are, how the computer works, who she is, or what to do… then someone DIES in front of you…. You get the picture…

Anyway after three hours of standing in the queue it was my turn, and I try to balance household masonry and milk as Boss decides to break dance and lunge at people whilst making stupid head movements and loud dinosaur/monkey noises as he crashes into other peoples' bags and shopping and shins and toes and their children (in or out of prams) *find my happy place… find my happy place…* and they all pretend that they find this cute instead of annoying, and say things like “Oh he’s so cute and full of energy, ‘ello mate, you bored” instead of “Look, just f*** off and get off our toes” whilst either wanting to either drop kick him or rip his eyeballs out. No? Just me then.

And for that experience I get to pay money.

We make it home and have lunch as Jaws stares adoringly at the PC screen. And here’s why.

He thinks she’s looking at him and he starts coo-ing and giggling and making “sch sch” noises to try to get her to talk back. He’s such a flirt. He doesn't understand why his entire reportoire of acts fails to get her to coo back and he stares and stares a bit unnerved and then starts all over again. He never smiles at me like that. I am beginning to wonder if I should wear a face mask to try to eek some affection out of him. I mean, come on – throw the dog a bone, Jaws – I have brain damage because of you, do you think you could cuddle me once in a while so I can pretend it was all worthwhile??

We read LW&W and that’s it. I run away and hide because I am in a grey-day mood. I think Boss senses when I retreat and goes loopier. Which makes me retreat more and vicious cycle escalates.

Anyway. A day in the life of… nothing creative or fun.

But we have milk.

2006-03-15T20:50:00.000Z

Good God

Today

2006-03-15T14:35:00.000Z

Well, no group again and Boss was very sad, but it was such a lovely day and a great chance to get in the garden after such a long time. The garden is in a MESS and that will take a bit of clearing and de-cluttering.

We perused the scene and saw what was growing. The daffodils are up, although small this year - Boss very animated about them ;-) And the bluebells have sprung up too. We cut a couple of branches off the trees and placed them in our season corner. I showed him the buds and so insha'allah it will be nice to observe the leaves opening in front of his eyes. He was very anxious to know if they would grow and whether we would be squishing them. Relieved to learn we may replant them if they grow.

Budding branches... in case you don't know what they look like...

Daffodils in situ

Stuff growing
Boss got a little playmate today in the form of his brother. I dug out Boss' first shoes and although they are a tad too big they did the job and I put Jaws in the walker outside.

First shoes.... aw...

The great outdoor adventure
Boss was chuffed, "I have someone to PLAY with now!" Jaws sat there blinking in the sunshine not knowing what to make of it all. Then grinned and took off, skittling up and down the garden with gusto. Yikes.

Exterminate! Exterminate!

They ran up and down the garden a few times and hid round the shed and Boss showed his brother where he parks his tractor and all the things in his garden. He taught him some letters of the alphabet and did big brother stuff.

Springtime and gusty, brisk whether is the right time for bubbles and I unveiled a pack of Tesco bubbles and bubble-blowers that I bought the other day to squeals of pleasure!

Loving it

Jaws was a bit unsure of them and sat looking terrified and bemused at the stream of floating missiles aimed at his head. Eyes like saucers and a trembling bottom lip. Kept looking at Boss for re-assurance - but he was giggling so Jaws was OK. It's so sweet to see them bonding.

Then as Jaws slept in the house I made Boss a streamer out of branches and ribbon and he ran up and down the garden with it.

Streamer

Assing about

Thereafter we placed it on the hanging basket frame and watched it blow in the wind which was quite relaxing.

With some extra ribbon we decided to spruce up a tree and decorate it with some happy spring colours. Boss liked it and in the sunshine they really shimmered. Beautiful masha'allah.

Then we had lunch (OK Jax :P) whilst we looked at the budding branches and he talked non-stop about dinosaurs.

We read some more LW&W where spring arrives! Spring! Good, looks like I'm planning all this rather than just bumbling along. Next chapter I think we actually meet Aslan and I can't wait ;-)

Planning ahead (OK OK yes I know - planning ahead I know - scrape yourself off the ceiling again), I got him to paint some egg cartons yellow. Can you guess what we're going to do with them???

These look green, but they are Crayola yellow

Well he can't so it may give him something to think about for our next daffodil session. He painted some dinosaur cards which I would like him to finish off with oil pastels when they're dry, I showed him how to stencil with the cut outs, which he did nicely and then he painted a car and made a mess.

I'm still having fun with my new web tool of uploading video to the blog as you can see. Unfortunately my memory stick has hardly any space so I'm on the lowest possible setting for video AND photos meaning the film is grainy. Sorry. If I upgrade to a gig memory stick it would be better. Or if I can land a camera with 7 megapixels instead of 3.2 that would be good too. Never mind. These snippets of film always play better a second viewing as the film has already cached and doesn't need to download straight from the web. So go on - watch the streamers again! LOL

Got GP appointment tomorrow. See what she says... or even if she carts me away :S

H.O. I still have your books which I intended to return today. Do you want me to drop them off sometime?

Anyway, I have some lovely textured paper/blind roll which is perfect for soft pastels which I can't wait to try - whether he's interested in it or not. Might broach the subject of still art with him and see what we get - guessing a few squiggly lines and representations of dinosaurs... might do some dyed eggs for a test run then do a batch for mother's day, as family are coming down on Mothering Sunday insha'allah and it will be a nice blast from the past to dunk some eggs ... I have red cabbage and onion skins and old teabags. I cannot find white eggs for love nor money. Not that I offered love for them....

And bedtime is becoming somewhat tiresome as Boss starts screaming like he's on fire as soon as I'm downstairs. I know I should immediately rush to his aid and cuddle him until he's better etc etc, but I'm peeved at this sudden onset of tears and I just scream at him instead. Baaaaad mother. Yes I know, I know. I can hear the therapist talking about these moments thirty years from now. *sigh*

Must try harder....

2006-03-15T14:32:00.000Z

Waqar linked this. Go watch, entitled "stupid in America". Jzk for that :) It's 40 minutes long.

Plus I've found that when these things run the first time theres a lot stops and starts, but re-runs are faster.

2006-03-14T20:22:00.000Z

Let me know if this worked and whether you could see it. It was at the Farm the other week.

2006-03-14T18:41:00.000Z

Dinosaur link

More clipart

Black/white clipart

Walking with dinosaurs

DLTK dinos

2006-03-14T17:32:00.000Z

It's Tuesday is it? All tha days seem to blur into one. It feels like a Friday or thereabouts.

Precipitating outside today so a good excuse to stay in - well a good excuse to give a four year old because we were staying in anyway.

Started our daffodil theme off today with me saying "now it is spring" and Boss gave me a funny look and said, "Mum - it's *freezing* - it's winter". Goddamn this climate change - it's messing with my Waldorf. Anyway, ignoring him and plodding on, it is spring and everything is growing and reviving and the sun is giving us longer days alhamdulillah, and isn't that wonderful. The answer to that is "yes". So pick a daffodil *he did* and what do you notice, that's right, it has no wheels. Anything else? Lions *don't* eat daffodils, no. Anything else? No we are not going outside. Keep looking. Yes! Well done it is yellow - what a beautiful colour! Do you notice anything else? It smells - that is the scent of the flower! Good work! What else? No you can't eat them either. Yes I'll get you something to eat in a minute.

I had intended to dissect the flower and show him all the bits, but lets face it he's too young and it niggled me in the back of my mind to show him something so destructive at such a tender age, so we just observed the flower and I pointed out the main bits as he went "oh yeah!" like it was the first time he noticed them - you know, petals OH YEAH!!! pollen, stamen, stigma, and then to consolidate our appreciation of the beauty of the daffodil form we started the craftwork I would like to keep going over the next few weeks using different materials and techniques.

Magic Maize

Gummed paper

Oil pastel... OK I did these in the hope he'd want to do some too, but he didn't, he was all daffodilled out at this point.

Then we chose a flower and squished it in the flower press. He was horrified. I had to assure him the plant was half dead anyway and would not grow anymore, but all he kept saying was "it's not NICE to squish things!!" - fitra, eh? Anyway, all will be unveiled in a few days time insha'allah.

Under here lieth the dead flower, squished and squashed and wracked in the torments of a flowery hell... wa ha aha hahahahahahahaargh.... eBay - BNIB £3!!!

We read more of LW&W - Aslan is very near and Boss is wetting himself with anticipation.

Then in the afternoon we raided Re-Store and got a load of bits of useful-looking craft things and material. Ruth has inspired me and I would like to do some material collages - yes of spring - why do you ask?? We also got some paper and BUTTONS (I love them and can think of a hundred and one things to do with them) and some old bits of yarn, lolly sticks, pipe cleaners, ribbon and cork mats. I need to go back and get the double-sided sticky tape which I forgot in my frenzy as well as some more clear cups and corrugated cardboard. And anything else I can lay my hands on really.

Since then we've role-played LW&W and zonked.

Oh what the hell...

2006-03-13T19:56:00.000Z

You Are Likely A Forth Born

At your darkest moments, you feel angry.
At work and school, you do best when your analyzing.
When you love someone, you tend to be very giving.

In friendship, you don't take the initiative in reaching out.
Your ideal jobs are: factory jobs, comedy, and dentistry.
You will leave your mark on the world with your own personal philosophy.

The Birth Order Predictor

And not true, unless my mother has dark secrets she wishes to share...? Denistry... I mean, puhlease - no offense H ;-)

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.

Conscientiousness:

You have low conscientiousness.
Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously.
Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions.
Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a multi dimensional wonderland, with many layers.
You're the type that always has multiple streams of though going.
And you can keep these thoughts going at any time.
You're very likely to be engaged in deep thought - and deep conversation.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

OK that should cover it for about a month. Who needs therapy when we have Blogthings. Ah... I feel better already.

NURSE!

2006-03-13T18:41:00.000Z

You Are Olive Green

You are the most real of all the green shades. You're always true to yourself.
For you, authenticity and honesty are very important... both in others and yourself.
You are grounded and secure. It takes a lot to shake you.
People see you as dependable, probably the most dependable person they know.

What Color Green Are You?

What says more, the test result or the fact that I did the test in the first place?? Perhaps the test *is* the test.

Usury rant

2006-03-13T15:04:00.000Z

Source: Wikipedia

Usury (from the Latin usus meaning "used") was defined originally as charging a fee for the use of money. This usually meant interest on loans, although charging a fee for changing money (as at a bureau de change) is included in the original meaning. After moderate-interest loans became an accepted part of the business world in the early modern age, the word has come to refer to the charging of unreasonable or relatively high rates of interest.

Usury laws are state laws that specify the maximum legal interest rate at which loans can be made. This makes most loansharking, another name for usury, illegal. Often, loansharks use illegal "scare" tactics to ensure that the lent money is paid back.

Usury (in the original sense of any interest) is scriptually and doctrinally forbidden in many religions. Judaism forbids a Jew to lend at interest to another Jew. It's forbidden in Islam. The most recent Catholic teaching on usury is by Pope Benedict XIV in his Vix Pervenit from 1745 which strictly forbids the practice, though many Jews, Catholics and Muslims break their own laws in this matter.

While Jewish law forbids the charging of interest to another Jew, Jews are not forbidden to charge interest on transactions to non-Jews. Throughout history, the interest attached to loans by Jews to non-Jews is widely considered to have been a central issue in causing a perception of usury, and contributing to a climate of anti-Semitism: Forceful confiscations of property, and discrimination against Jews in business practice. Ethnic-based distinctions surrounding the application of interest charges are often perceived as pronounced, discriminatory and unjust, and can inflame existing ethnic divisions.

Usury has been denounced by almost every major spiritual leader and philosopher of the past three thousand years. Plato, Aristotle, Cato, Cicero, Seneca, Plutarch, Aquinas, Jesus, Mohammed and Moses are just a few.

Cato in his De Re Rustica said:

"And what do you think of usury?"
"What do you think of murder?"

Biblical injunctions against Usury

Exodus 22:25 If thou lend money to any of my people that is poor by thee, thou shalt not be to him as an usurer, neither shalt thou lay upon him usury.

Leviticus 25:36 Take thou no usury of him, or increase: but fear thy God; that thy brother may live with thee.

Leviticus 25:37 Thou shalt not give him thy money upon usury, nor lend him thy victuals for increase.

Deuteronomy 23:19 Thou shalt not lend upon usury to thy brother; usury of money, usury of victuals, usury of any thing that is lent upon usury:

Deuteronomy 23:20 Unto a stranger thou mayest lend upon usury; but unto thy brother thou shalt not lend upon usury: that the LORD thy God may bless thee in all that thou settest thine hand to in the land whither thou goest to possess it.

Nehemiah 5:7 Then I consulted with myself, and I rebuked the nobles, and the rulers, and said unto them, Ye exact usury, every one of his brother. And I set a great assembly against them.

Nehemiah 5:10 I likewise, and my brethren, and my servants, might exact of them money and corn: I pray you, let us leave off this usury.

Psalm 15:5 He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved.

Proverbs 28:8 He that by usury and unjust gain increaseth his substance, he shall gather it for him that will pity the poor.

Isaiah 24:2 And it shall be, as with the people, so with the priest; as with the servant, so with his master; as with the maid, so with her mistress; as with the buyer, so with the seller; as with the lender, so with the borrower; as with the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him.

Jeremiah 15:10 Woe is me, my mother, that thou hast borne me a man of strife and a man of contention to the whole earth! I have neither lent on usury, nor men have lent to me on usury; yet every one of them doth curse me.

Ezekiel 18:8 He that hath not given forth upon usury, neither hath taken any increase, that hath withdrawn his hand from iniquity, hath executed true judgment between man and man,

Ezekiel 18:13 Hath given forth upon usury, and hath taken increase: shall he then live? he shall not live: he hath done all these abominations; he shall surely die; his blood shall be upon him.

Ezekiel 18:17 That hath taken off his hand from the poor, that hath not received usury nor increase, hath executed my judgments, hath walked in my statutes; he shall not die for the iniquity of his father, he shall surely live.

Ezekiel 22:12 In thee have they taken gifts to shed blood; thou hast taken usury and increase, and thou hast greedily gained of thy neighbours by extortion, and hast forgotten me, saith the Lord GOD.
[edit]

Quranic injunctions against Usury

Al-Baqarah 2:275 Those who charge usury are in the same position as those controlled by the devil's influence. This is because they claim that usury is the same as commerce. However, God permits commerce, and prohibits usury. Thus, whoever heeds this commandment from his Lord, and refrains from usury, he may keep his past earnings, and his judgment rests with God. As for those who persist in usury, they incur Hell, wherein they abide forever

Al-Baqarah 2:276-280 God condemns usury, and blesses charities. God dislikes every disbeliever, guilty. O you who believe, you shall observe God and refrain from all kinds of usury, if you are believers. If you do not, then expect a war from God and His messenger. But if you repent, you may keep your capitals, without inflicting injustice, or incurring injustice. If the debtor is unable to pay, wait for a better time. If you give up the loan as a charity, it would be better for you, if you only knew.

Al-'Imran 3:130 O you who believe, you shall not take usury, compounded over and over. Observe God, that you may succeed.

Al-Nisa 4:161 And for practicing usury, which was forbidden, and for consuming the people's money illicitly. We have prepared for the disbelievers among them painful retribution.

Ar-Rum 30:39 The usury that is practiced to increase some people's wealth, does not gain anything at God. But if you give to charity, seeking God's pleasure, these are the ones who receive their reward many fold.
[edit]

Usury in Scholastic Theology

St. Thomas Aquinas, the leading theologian of the Catholic Church, argued charging of interest is wrong because it applies to "double charging", charging for both the thing and the use of the thing. Aquinas said that a lender charges for the loan by requiring the loan to be paid back, in other words, the payback for the loan is the charge for the loan. Any further charge is a charge for using the loan. Aquinas said this would morally wrong in the same way as if one sold a bottle of wine, charged for the bottle of wine, and then charged for the person using the wine to actually drink it. Some modern theologians believe that this same line of reasoning would invalidate the pricing of computer software, specifically disallowing end user licensing agreements or any restrictions against the end user.

Later, the Protestant John Calvin (father of a Protestant Reformation movement known as Calvinism) defended interest charges, helping to set the stage for the development of capitalism in northern Europe. Such a connection was advanced in influential works by Richard H. Tawney and by Max Weber.

2006-03-13T14:54:00.000Z

The grass has grown huge - it says quick growing grass but woah! Boss thought elephants could hide in it. He's right. It looked like elephant grass.

So he gave it a haircut. The smell of freshly mown lawns gave a nice reminder of summer. Such a fresh smell.

Checked our seeds. It's like living in the land of the monster plants. Yesteray nothing and today:

We read some more LW&W and have reached where Aslan is mentioned and found out the the Queen is actually a Jinn. So already Boss doesn't like her and is pooing his pants. Good stuff. Can't wait to meet the lion.

Did some number work today, counted in tens, worked through number sequences and worked out what numbers put together would be. He gets it but 51 was fivety-one and 31 was threety-one, which is cute.

Flew the kite. He liked it. Froze our bits off. Didn't like that.

Received a BNIB flower press from eBay today (£3!!!) and a snowsuit for Jaws (£1!!!). God I love eBay. I still think that he is more likely to flatten bugs and worms in it than flowers but time will tell. Also managed to catch a spider in our bug viewer and spent a good while watching it close up. Very good.

2006-03-12T14:47:00.000Z

Parents didn't make it after all as the snow is just too heavy farther up north to have made the journey viable. :(

Oh well.

Today we spent several hours reading our animal and dinosaur/pterosaur books and three chapters of LW&W - never wanting to stop. Since going "waldorf-ish" his play and interests have developed by light years masha'allah. His interests are now around nature rather than around vehicles and he is much happier role playing and experiencing life from the inside out. As such, a lot of new things and ideas have been made available to him that just weren't possible (or very difficult) when his main aim in life was to develop four wheels and turn into a diesel engine.

So today through our reading we touched upon the water cycle, the difference between fresh water and salt water, what twenty different words meant, what 'male' and 'female' means, what an echo was, thus conversely how sound 'works' which lead onto a few minutes of closing our eyes and 'feeling' the sound that came out of our mouths, and then onto Helen Keller, and bats and dolphins (chinese freshwater dolphins), we have learned about the habitats of nearly fifty animals and heard tales of lions and rhinos and mandrills and he knows the difference between various snakes including the difference between a cobra and king cobra. We also learned new numbers by reading the page numbers and discussed various number sequences. Phew. And it was only 11 O'clock! Tell me you'd do all that in school??!

We are delighted to see that some tomato shoots are already through. He's very pleased with himself - planting and seeing things grow is making him feel very important ;-)

I am getting stabbing pains in my head and still feel very fragile and unsure although my mood is a lot better, and dropping crumbs is no longer making me want to take running jumps at peoples heads or wanting to rive their eyeballs out of their sockets. I'm just squidgey. Which sounds cute but it isn't.

Received an email from a paleontologist and we are discussing the Loch Ness monster (!). I can't believe I am actually having this conversation with someone so educated and I hope I never meet him - for I will ever be 'that goon who talks about Nessie'. Nice chap but I think he is wrong on one or two points and Boss does too - always a good reason to contact a paleontologist - to let him know your son thinks he's wrong (shreik!). Oh well. We may trouble him for some dino-facts when we feel like annoying someone again.

Played with dinosaurs and had fun making silly stories up. Then did some more weaving finishing off the mini-project with a little help.

It's a teeny rug and he's using it as a dino-rug for the dino-box to keep them warm. Well it *is* cold today...

Thinking, in honour of spring (ha ha), of doing various art pieces centring around the subject of daffodils. Mother's Day is coming up and it would be nice to have some art pieces to dole out, the possibilities are endless - plus we always used to dye boiled eggs at Easter so may give that a go. We used to have egg fights and see which egg could smash the most amount of shells - did any of you do that? Memories. Nearly wrote 'mammories' which is an entirely different post...

Then I received a very generous gift this evening just before maghrib - once again the sisters here are more helpful and kind to me than I am to them *hangs head* and makes me glad I live here and want to help others that I know are out there but hidden and in need.

Life is an uphill struggle, isn't it. It is a living lesson on bewilderment and pain, with just enough joy to give us a taste of heaven. The question of suffering has been playing out in my mind recently - it's the age-old argument against a (good) God. Sometimes it is too much to bear, then out of nowhere, for no reason at all, without having earned it or bargained for it, there comes some strength - a gulp of air before going under again. It's more than I deserve. I look around and have so much to be grateful for. And it's more than I could have hoped for. Life is a grindstone which crushed our nafs and makes us either useful or simply bitter. The question of suffering can be answered by those who have never experienced pain or loss or hardship; for those who have the question is irrelevant. You put your hours in and you take your chances, you grab at the lifelines thrown to you and you cling on for dear life until you're pulled aboard again. I don't understand life or death, or heaven and hell or one iota of the thing we call "god". I know that this life is imperfect so that must mean it isn't ultimately very important - why build a house of a sandy foundation - so I build my houses on permanency - God. I know that life is fleeting, so I know that pain will end. And joy too. Life is horrible and grotesque, full of unimaginable horrors. Then it is good again and our memories fade. In the weave of life and death, joy and pain, sometimes there are highs and of course there have to be the lows. To be able to have gratitude in both instances is a blessing. And I am grateful. Even if I hurt, I am still grateful.

I smell of baby puke. I have to go now.

2006-03-11T18:38:00.000Z

I'm still recovering from my bender - my mood swing that is. Feeling very fragile and unsure about everything. Maybe I'm just going nuts.

Got my folk down tomorrow (depending on the weather) so spent today cooking and cleaning. Read books on animals and dinosaurs and nearly three chapters of LW&W! And he didn't want me to stop - he wanted to get to the very end. I don't know if that's because there is a lion in it and he's expecting him to eat everyone or what. He asked me if we could read it again tomorrow when we get up - read it until we get to the end. Wow. So much different from a few months ago.

Had a look at this LW&W site. Looked for LW&W DVD on eBay - odd how some people are selling it when it hasn't even been released yet.... hm... may just rent that one from Amazon as they have a free offer on at the moment.

The grass has started to grow in our pot garden and this is pleasing Boss immensely - big grins all round. Added some flowers to our nature corner and found a wooden birds nest with eggs which he wanted to put in the tree. Ostheimer duck and fish in the pond completes the scene.

I am also pleased that he has started to draw and colour now. For years he just wasn't interested in drawing at all, so this week I made him his own drawing pad and bought some new crayons (sorry, not beeswax, just nice chunky Tesco own brand for 38p) and was pleased to have found some pictures inside. OK the "triceratops" is mine, but he has attempted to colour it neatly (the orange scrawl around it is a diplodocus trying to fight him *shrugs*) and thereafter is a Euoplocephalus . Note it's eyes and many legs.

It's a start.

2006-03-10T20:19:00.000Z

Went supermarket shopping. Bitched all round the shop. Came home. Smashed wing mirror on garden gate as DH had turned up and I was busy saying "Oh Look - Daddy's here *thwack*". Had a major mood swing and made an appointment to see GP. Read some LW&W.

The end.

2006-03-09T13:02:00.000Z

My God this PC is slow today. Anyway, still dizzy and I'm getting a little hacked off with this now. Would like to get back to health please. Really bad headaches all day and it's affecting how I interact with the children which is the worse thing...

Went to NA today. It wasn't raining but still a bit damp. No matter, for I have the Mudseeker as a boy who would find the grottiest puddle even on the niceset day anyway, so having a bit of mud around really isn't a big deal.

He ran around. I chased him as much as my head allowed me to do. Then we saw a squirrel and I told Boss he had to be quiet and to stand still to watch animals otherwise they would run away, and I was gobsmacked to see how quiet and still he could actually be! We watched the squirrel for a long time - burying his food and covering it over. Then we saw some robins and other birds. Then Boss decided he was David Attenborough and gave me a running commentary (in whispers) to what exactly was going on. Apparently, according the new documentary, squirrels are "ferocious animals with enormous teeth who bite bigger than any dog and are bigger than Africa". Right.

Then we fed the animals and one hen pecked his thumb and we had another documentary at how "ferocious" the chickens were and that if "they were veloceraptor they would hunt in packs and kill you". Lovely.

The woman at NA told me that from next term they will be charging £1.50 for the first child and 50p for each extra child. I hope they don't include Jaws in this new price banding as it will mean I will have to get my money's worth and let him crawl through the undergrowth... hm...

Whilst driving home we saw a bin lorry with it's lights flashing. Now ordinarily this would have Boss having a hairy cannipury with sheer ecstatic delight and glee, so I said "Oh LOOK - a BIN lorry", to which I am treated with a bored "Yeah"... then, "I'm not interested in Bin Lorries any more actually. I prefer dinosaurs and lions, and mandrills and baboons and tigers and chimps and gorillas.". OK actually. Sorry actually I mentioned it then. Stoopid me.

Over lunch he sat pensive and I asked what was wrong and he said, "You see that?" gesturing towards the pot garden, "that is FMs that is. See - there's the pond and there are the trees and there *develops big silly grin* there is the MUD that I play in" *grin continues unabated*.

We do some painting after a long while of not doing any. Today the colour was red-orange.

Then we observed our seeds etc and wrote our observations about the leaf colour change in the carrot in the journal.

We spent some of the afternoon dressed up and playing picnics. We cooked our "food" and arranged the picnic blanket and he informs me that he wants to have a picnic at Burghley - in the trees where people can't see us. *shrugs*

And thereafter Jaws pretty much trashed and crashed through our picnic, almost swallowing whole one piece of wooden fruit (!!) meaning picnic time was over and we read pterosaur and dinosaur books and he asked lots of questions about Romans. I think Story of the World purchase might be in order...

Playtime (in fact ANY time) is becoming a little bit more labourious now that Jaws is very mobile. Things are trashed and taken and chewed and sat on and if he doesn't get his way then he squeals with ear-shattering resonance until we either die of head pain or give in and let him trash whatever it was we were attempting to play with. It has come to a point that I have noticed that Boss now doesn't take any toys out and just wanders around aimlessly. We have tried putting Jaws in a travel cot - but no room and high squealing; we have tried reinforcing the areas that we don't want Jaws to go with cushions the weight of sandbags, but no use as he clambers over them and/or moves them. We are essentially under seige in our own house by a scheister holding us over a barrel for complete attention and toy-usage.

Geez whizz this age IS hard.

Then before bed Boss did a few more lines of his weaving before my brain almost caved in and we did not read any LW&W at all today. Hm.

Plus Jaws destroyed the play sink. It's in pieces. Need glue. Lots. May tie Jaws to a post in the garden at this rate. He could eat grass. That would be two jobs in one; if I was in Human Resource Management that would put me in line for promotion...

Why home-schooling?

2006-03-08T18:48:00.000Z

I'm sure both Boss and you benefit from what's essentially a one-to-one relationship but d'you think the benefits are significant enough to outweigh the losses? When I was at school, it was as much an exercise in social interaction than an education- do home schooled kids have the same opportunities? I was intrigued that Boss didn't recognise non-arabic names- is that symptomatic of his non-standard schooling? How long d'you plan to home-school him?

I've never really written down WHY I homeschool so this might be a bit piecemeal.

Firstly, there is an assumption that homeschooling is an exceptional thing, but bear in mind that state education (especially as compulsory) is really a phenomenon of the post-modern era. Before that anyone with an education was most likely to be homeschooled and that's how families for millenia have lived - children and parents and extended family all co-exist together. Children learning how to be adults by watching adults in the real world.

Secondly, I consider schooling to be inferior to home education. It breeds mediocrity and herd mentality. People who fall out of the centre ground at either end of the scale are marginalised and often traumatised by being "different". Those who do not "keep up" with the grazing masses are deemed "slow" and if this "slowness" is not dealt with effectively this transforms itself into "behavioural" problems such as aggression, inattention, disruption etc. In fact, very few people can NOT learn; we all learn at our own pace and have our own ways of absorbing knowledge which works for us. We all have areas we love and excel at and other subjects which we need greater guidance.

The system however cannot tolerate or adequately manage those whose learning rate differs from the centre-ground. And this is equally so for those deemed "gifted" - they get bored, stifled, labeled as "boffin" and made to feel that intellectual prowess is something to be embarrassed by. Boredom also has a negative effect on behaviour and labels are quick to follow by hassled teachers who are no more than state babysitters who have to do the impossible and teach thirty (or more) children to jump through the right hoops if they are to get a piece of paper at the end of it - just like lab rats pressing the right levers to get their food.

But more than that, the System itself is not designed to produce thinkers. It is not designed to produce people who are able to critique the ruling class ideology. It is not designed to produce or encourage people who are able to think outside the box. The System is purely designed for one purpose: and that is, to produce compliant fodder for the capitalist machine - the perfect citizen (not too political so as not to rock the boat), the perfect consumer, happy with hedonism, content with EastEnders, someone who is able to sit still at a desk for eight hours a day doing tasks which would make a monkey's brain bleed.

The System knocks all love of learning out of the human soul and does so with breathtaking skill by the age of seven. By this age most children will hate school, refuse to read a book out of choice, and think the education is something you do because you HAVE to. As a result you have a nation of literate baffoons who can tick the right boxes but have no common sense. You have a nation the size of the USA who has one of the highest literacy rates in the world, yet only 40% of the population read. That is, the majority of the population prefer to make themselves wilfully illiterate by refusing to utilise their brain.

As regards to State Education this would be Mission Accomplished. The majority of the nation is compliant.

Regarding the socialization point - every homeschool parent gets asked this, and I have come to answer this one with some weary sarcasm - I let him out of his cage at least once a day to see the sky and go to the toilet...

You know, when I was at school whenever we talked in class we would get told YOU DON'T COME HERE TO SOCIALISE! And mostly that's true. We went to get herded and suffer peer pressure, to learn how to do drugs properly behind the toilet block and how to vandalise property whilst our parents got a break from us for a few hours. Then when we went home we stayed in our rooms listening to music and watching TV because there were no social clubs for us to goto and the streets were too dangerous to play on. Then when we got older and allowed to go on the streets there was nothing to do but smoke fags and get drunk.

When I was at school it wasn't so much a lesson in social interaction, but more a lesson in survival. And I went to a relatively good school. The friends I have now are people I met after the education system did its dastardly work with me. For my sister her friends are people she knew on our estate and for my mum and dad it's the same - people their Mum and Dads knew were their real friends - not the people they were forced to sit with in school.

Here are some other good articles which will give you some idea about socialisation from a homeschoolers position:

The socialisation question

FAQ about homeschooling

Then I read some Gatto articles:

NINE ASSUMPTIONS OF SCHOOLING -
and Twenty-one Facts the Institution Would Rather Not Discuss

CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES:
THE TYRANNY OF COMPULSORY SCHOOLING

How public education cripples our kids, and why

and realised I wasn't alone in thinking that there is something very wrong with modern education - an education system that can give you facts for twelves straight years running but leave you with nothing but unanswered questions and feelings of fragmentation and confusion about the greatest questions the soul yearns to ask: why are we here, what is this all for, for reason am I on earth. Education, as the quotation goes, is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire. If the metaphor continues one would say that modern education is not only the filling of the bucket, but actually fills the bucket then uses it to douse any flames.

Then there is the idea of whose values are we promoting by accepting the state education system? The basis of state education is purely secular. You cannot partake of a meal without imbibing whatever nutrients are present. Or lack thereof. When we send our children to secular schools they will imbibe secularism. They will be taught and accept the basis of humanist mind set because the domain of discourse will be secular. They will imbibe what the secularists believe about humans and our place in this universe, and for the most part the logical conclusion of this secularism is pure nihilism and for those who have not taken that to its extreme the tennets of nihilism are still deep rooted.

And you could say "well YOU went through the state system and YOU'RE ok" and I would just say before that statement is uttered that I am what I am *despite* the "education" I received - not because of it. I consider myself, through the grace of Allah, a survivor. And true, if I wanted my children to do as many drugs as I have, to be as depressed as I used to feel, to party as much as I did and to drink until their liver was in danger of collapsing then I'd say "yeah - go ahead - knock yourself out - go through the system and see how you end up - take that chance". But I want better for my children. I want them to get an excellent education with the only people on this planet who they know care whether they live or die and who don't get paid by the hour whether they do well or not. I would take a bullet for my kids and like Gatto says, only a desperado would entrust their most prized possession to a group of completely untested group of strangers and hope for the best. I care that they do well. I care that they get an excellent, tailor made education that makes them well-rounded, decent human beings fulfilling their potential and serving their fellow humans and their Lord. I want to light that fire.

Yeah Boss has some problems with non-Arabic names that he hasn't heard before. He knows my family's names of course. I am sure there are loads of non-Muslim kids who haven't a clue about Arabic names too, so that makes us even ;-)

I intend to homeschool him for as long as my sanity and health allows. Please make du'a this happens.

My last homeschool rant.

And so to bed..

2006-03-08T18:25:00.000Z

...had another wobbly day today. Didn't quite get the vertigo like last week (must have been in sympathy with you H.O.) but head just all jangly like a snow storm whenever too much information had to be processed instantaneoulsy - e.g. if *someone* wanted to talk none-stop for three days without drawing breathe and then *someone's* Dad tried talking at the same time whilst putting some Qur'an on AND whirring a spinning machine and Jaws squealing like a pig at an abbatoir at the top of his lungs. At those particular moments (which happen with alarming regularity) I feel like one of those cartoons who has just smashed their heads against a wall thus turning their entire skull into a huge tuning fork making the "dooooooooooooooing" effect. That's me.

Didn't help that Boss kneed me in the head at full pelt either.

Anyway, Boss asked to do more knitting, so before bed he did some finger knitting by himself then asked to do some more weaving. The weaving is plodding along slowly, but I showed him our persian rug in the living room (makes me sound rich that doesn't it? I'm not - it was a generous gift off someone whose DH sold rugs) and showed him how that had been woven and how long it took the people to make it and how their hands and backs hurt from sitting over the work all day every day. He was really inspired and did three more lines!!

The thicker wool is working much better than the cheaper, thinner stuff we have been using and I may try to get a smaller weaving project for him to work on with it so that he finds some satisfaction from finishing a project rather than having one endlessly *there*.

If the weather breaks through tomorrow would like to goto NA again.

Parents coming down at the weekend so wahey! - another round of supermarket shopping this week before they get here. I think they should rename Tescos "the torture chamber", which is what it is for anyone with kids who insist on *touching* EVERYTHING on the shelves.... bliss....

So he's grounded

2006-03-08T12:14:00.000Z

... but it's teeming outside so that's not such a big deal.

Didn't go to the group thing this morning as a result of the grounding and I'm sure a very peaceful real circle time was enjoyed by all.

We had our circle time, which in this house is really the three Quls, surah fatiha, ayat al kursi, and then some nursery (action) rhymes followed by du'a.

Then we upgraded our pot garden from mud platter to almost-landscape by adding our tree...

Don't have any modelling wax to make the ~~bird, bird's nest, duck~~ elephant, mandrill and T-Rex with and yes, the grass hasn't grown, but as most of our outdoor adventures involve MUD this detail really isn't lost on Boss. Might add a fish or two to the pond.

Then I taught Boss how to finger knit, and he did with some REAL wool (not acrylic that I have by the box load) that I bought on eBay - very thick, very soft, very easy to use. Very green. Gorgeous.

We made a person with pipe cleaners and beads. We need to work on our idol-making skills, but as a first attempt:

Then we planted some tomato and strawberry seeds. We placed those in our nature corner. Boss most peturbed by the fact that some seeds are "floating in the sky". He takes the scenery *way* too seriously.

Then he practiced using scissors. Very nice. Managed to lose only two fingers this time.

Then we did some cuisenaire rod work. He is MUCH better than he was a few months ago. Estimation bang on and counting skills just light years ahead. Masha'allah. *Breaks into song: What a difference a day makes...*

We read another few pages of LW&W. He remembers the outline of what was covered yesterday, which he never did a few months ago. I am impressed he remembers the names of the children, although he is unfamiliar with non-Arabic names and kept asking which was the girl *giggle* and I had to explain that Peter and Edmund were boys names and Susan and Lucy were girls names.

Then we looked at our carrot and car door seed. The carrot has changed significantly from yesterday. Can you spot the difference?

Which led neatly onto a discussion about what plants need to grow and the difference between being put in water in full sunshine to being put in a dark cupboard/fridge with no water. Very good.

Then we read pterosaur books. He measured each pterosaur with the lengths of his fingers to ascertain which was the biggest, not really to scale but I was impressed at his attempt at measuring even though I have *never* broached the subject of measuring with him ever.

We could do a chart of the biggest dinosaurs/pterosaurs sometime as he obsessed with which was the biggest/strongest/meanest...

Jaws sleeping. I'm going to read my mail for the past two days :S

2006-03-07T18:24:00.000Z

Decided to give Lion, Witch and Wardrobe another shot. Found the book stashed behind something today and his face lit up and said "remember THIS" so I asked him if he remembered where we had got up to before I just became too ill to even read. He couldn't. So I asked him if he'd like to start again. He did. So we did. I think we got to page 13 before his eyes glazed over. Would really like to finish it this time. Perhaps it was a good thing we never finished it last time. His recall and understanding is so much better than even five months ago it never fails to amaze me.

Informs me that a Saurolophus was a dinosaur "covered in bruises".... why??? "because saurolophus means 'sore all over'".

How I don't laugh in his face sometimes is a wonder...

What have we done today

2006-03-07T14:52:00.000Z

Read lots of dinosaur books and things on Roman soldiers. The guy at the museum dressed as a Roman soldier sparked a fair bit if interest and it's unbelievable how many questions he asks about everything masha'allah. Really hard to *stop* him learning. So might run with the Roman theme for a bit. Seems a shame to not make the most of this current enthusiasm and Rome should not be covered in just one day ;-)

Then we set up a nature table, or rather a corner of the table for nature. It's a bit sparse now. Hopefully build that up to be rather a nice corner insha'allah. Made a pot garden - complete with grass seed (hope it grows), pond and stones. Insha'allah will put the "tree" in at some point.

Then we observed our car door seed, and it has been growing nicely (took about seven weeks I'd say), so we jotted down our observations in our notebook journal.

Then we are starting another observation by chopping the top of a carrot and seeing if it will grow. If it does then it will lead onto yet another observation of watching the carrot grow in a tube (insha'allah) and if not, then we will watch the decomposition process :P We also logged this in our journal.

Then we played a fishing game where all the fish have points and you have to add the points up afterwards and unfortunately I won (it was an accident!) and this had a very sad Boss. I asked him "are you really upset that I won??!" and he said, "Yes. It hurts me in here" and he pointed to his chest. And I said "it really hurt you?" and he said "Yes. It hurts my body". So we had a discussion and story time about winning, taking part, character, good qualities in a winner and a loser etc etc. Aw...

And now I suppose I should read more dinosaur books.

Think we may have a quiet week this week. Trying to decide if letting him loose on other peoples' kids is worth it and/or acceptable, so he is staying in until I have comtemplated it enough. It was one reason I stopped going to MudPud - things seem to run smoother when we are not there to hype everyone up (and hurt them). Need to get him to understand the power of his body in relation to other things. He is so clumsy and unaware of where his body is in relation to other people... ... sigh.

To give the impression

2006-03-03T18:45:00.000Z

that I *do* stuff with Boss (I don't) here is what we "achieved" today:

1. co-ordination and the contemplation of the ascetics of contemporary fashions (got dressed)

2. P.E. (assed about making moneky noises)

3. mathematical observation of measurement (I cooked)

4. P.E./problem solving (he played outside and figured out how to cause the most amount of trash and destruction in the shortest time span possible)

5. observations of biological and chemical properties transmuting over time (we had lunch)

6. Listening skills (I yelled a lot until he heard me)

7. P.E. (more assing about making monkey/lion/gorilla/baboon noises - which reminds me - DH was trying to explain to Boss what happened before the Great Fire of London and how the population of Europe was completely decimated by the bubonic plague. Good so far ... except, as usual, he got it wrong and kept calling it the Baboonic plague. Good grief)

8. Hygiene skills (washed)

9. Recoup and relaxation (he went to bed and I relaxed).

I really do need to do more with him. Hmm. Since I got the car our routine has so far consisted of: a.m. - outdoors walking/running/playing and p.m. cleaning house/assing about. We didn't go anywhere today and Boss looked at me sympathetically and said, "It's OK mum - we need a day off" ... But now I think I have all that walking walking walking out of my system I really need to get ~~back~~ into a routine.

Yeah right.

Yesterday we went to NA and it's so gorgeous there I could bite myself. It's so beautiful in a non-conventional way. It is a little bit of woodland in the city. Gorgeous. Totally relaxing in Allah's artistry. I got so relaxed it felt unnatural - and it hit me why "modern" people are so anxious most of the time - part of our fitrah is to live with nature - in tune with its rhythms and energy, yet here we are building our impenetrable forts against it all.

Then we fed the animals and I swear to God that everytime I see (read: SMELL) animals in pens it makes me want to go vegan again. Jeez, why would anyone want to eat anything that stands in its own crap all day??! I mean, who was the first human to look at a pot-belly pig and go "mmm - lunch!"? (And for that matter - snails, frogs, smelly-assed sheep and anything with a face) What was going on in their head?

I consoled myself with the fact that my food comes from clean, nice-smelling places and I am sure the supermarkets only use farms who disinfect their animals at least once a day. (I mean, eggs for crying out loud - they come from where?? - Have you seen how flea-infested those muthas are??). But its OK - my eggs come in clean boxes...Talking of disinfectant I am thinking of having a walk-thru trough at our garden gate for Boss so that his wellies become neutralised before they hit the house - they did it in the foot-n-mout crisis. Very good idea.... could get him to roll around in it a few times as well...

Anyway, Boss loves NA and so do I masha'allah - I love the change in nature that is going on right now too - and we are seeing it every week change before our eyes. Can't wait to see how that places transforms in the warmer weather insha'allah. A canopy of green and the sound of happy children....?

Piccies:

For those of you

2006-03-03T12:00:00.000Z

who haven't yet found it then please give a big hurrah! because the Birmingham Sufi guys, led by the inimitable Levantine Historian, is back better than ever. We did weep when LH hung up his keyboard and leave the blogging world, but wipe away those tears and prepare to shed more by reading their new blog: Beatnik Sufis.

2006-03-01T20:05:00.000Z

Some stuff I found *out there*

Clouds About Mountain Peaks An australian Muslim Homeschooler

How have I missed this?

Our insatiable desire...

2006-02-28T18:28:00.000Z

... to be outdoors, that is, meant that once again we were at FM today - the place of the squelchy mud. Bright sunshine mixed with bitter winds, but a lovely walk. We never make it past any playground and really that is the whole of going there - so stayed a good while in the playground next to the trees, which is my favourite as it is such a beautiful view and its not as exposed as the other. I don't think there is anything more beautiful than a walk in the open. Beats our former walks of spotting the burned out car around here at any rate...

As usual Boss became pitted in nanoseconds and I really think the weather-proofing of this sub-zero-temperature snow-suit has been altogether lost - I have never seen mud like it (and that's saying something) - even the velcro was encased in dirt. He jumped in *every* puddle. Several times each. My urge to stop him was silenced by another voice in my head which said "Ooh - perfect waldorf moment" which was a mantra which ran thin after the first three soakings...
Then he managed to fall AGAIN into the biggest dog-crappiest pool of mud there. He loved it.

Then I hurt my shin on the slide as I thought I'd try to copy Boss by sliding down on my tummy - Boss looked at me like I was obviously brain-dead... "Mummy... you have lift your legs up - please, it *really* isn't that complicated..." then we just climbed and slid down the slide and played knights and hid in our castle and then, hello, we saw an old bloke with a camera aiming it at us! And his wife was standing next to him smiling like we were somekind of zoo attraction - ooh look honey - a woman with a jilbab around her neck sliding down the slide after her boy - take a picture! Except I frowned - and he smiled as if to say "its alright - we're friendly", but I frowned again and stood up and told Boss to stand behind me waiting to see if he'd go. But no, he walked a little away to get a better camera angle! For goodness sake - what is this? So we kind of ducked out of view and he looked a little embarrassed and walked off. Got me a bit peeved - do people have the right to take your photo without your permission? I don't want people having images of me in their possession - who owns copyright over my face? Do we have laws against this? I'm just wondering... its one things getting somebody in the picture as you are taking photos of something else, but to actually point a camera at someone else?? Rude isn't it??

Anyway, then we played some more and only left when I felt uncomfortable with a hoodie and a pitbull terrier making their way towards us. But they kept on the path, but by this point my security had been a little shaken - felt a bit vunerable - so we trudged back to the defrocking ceremony in front of the car. I feel like a cop whenever we get back to the car these days, "OK son, you know what to do - assume the position" and we spend a fair amount of time degunging...

My legs still hurts. Last time it hurt like this I was fourteen and someone had just whacked a hockey ball in my shin. Another very good reason not to send kids to school. Hockey.

Ordered a "personal alarm" from ebay last night. Dunno if it will be any good. I just hope Boss doesn't get hold of it - he could do quite a bit of damage with 150 decibels. Was trying to find something similar for attacking dogs but the only thing I could find was £40...

Anyhow. I'm feeling decidely not like a HEer at all. I suppose that's a good thing. Was talking to someone the other day who made it quite clear that her kids would *not* be playing and "doing nothing" til they were seven, and whilst I admire her drive and organisation I no longer feel the need to emulate that.

Arms ache from all the climbing too....

Longleat

2006-02-27T20:35:00.001Z

Yup... it looks a good 'un. Will have to bulldoze DH into that whether he likes it or not. A bit far though innit... hm...

You know you're kid is obsessed with dinosaurs when:

2006-02-27T20:20:00.000Z

you hear him shouting in his sleep:

"It's a triceratops! It's a triceratops! Triceratops!!!!"

Yes triceratops is his favourite... how did you guess??

If you think you have any power at all

2006-02-27T20:05:00.000Z

~~call back the soul of the dying man and stop him from dying~~ try ordering someone else's dog about.

Prayers being answered...

2006-02-27T18:16:00.000Z

Once there was a man being chased by a lion in a jungle. The lion was relentless and determined to catch his prey. In a last ditch attempt at saving his life the man called upon The Almighty and supplicated with sincere heartfelt earnest devotion:

"O God - save me from this lion! I have little children to look after!"

Behind him the lion also supplicated in his own way to The Almighty:

"O God - let me catch this man - I haven't eaten for a month and have little ones to tend to!"

Such is life.

2006-02-26T18:49:00.000Z

Why I reject the anarchists who claim to speak for Islam

Violence in the name of Islam has done more to damage the Prophet than any Danish cartoon, argues writer Fareena Alam

Sufi story

2006-02-26T14:51:00.000Z

Once there was a King and he called the very wisest advisors in his kingdom to his court. He said, "I have been inspired to ask you for something which will stabilise my inner state - I should be able to look at it and whenever I see it, if I am sad it will make me happy, and when I am happy it will make me sad."

The wise men retired to consider this request and returned some time later to the King with a ring for him to wear which bore this inscription:

THIS TOO WILL PASS

Yeah, right.

2006-02-26T14:50:00.000Z

Your wise quote is: "Our greatest glory is not

in never falling, but in rising everytime we

fall" by Confucius.
Yes indeed, you see true strenght can only be

seen when a person has "fallen".

Only then one can tell how they will handle

it. Just don't make others fall so you can

know who they really are. You on the other

hand may be a very quick recoverer and don't

let people bring you down. You are your own,

and you're find with that. Emotional issues

is something you handle rather nicely.

What wise quote fits you? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

Without drawing breathe

2006-02-25T20:20:00.000Z

Boss can prattle none-stop somewhat in the same way as a hummingbird flaps his wings.

The latest "conversation" has run like this:

Boss: Mum, you putting me in school?

Me: *prolonged silence* ... would you like to goto school?

Boss: No.

Me: OK *prolonged silence* Are you sure??

Boss: Yes. *plays quietly for three seconds then:* You know if I went to school why I don't want to goto school? Well, because I won't be able to do SALAH, I'd have to come back in my car at zuhr and pray in the mosque with the men and go back to school. *makes engine noises* then I'd SMASH into the traffic lights and SMASH into the pedestrian crossing and turn the corner and skid on the road going a little bit up on the pavement, but I wouldn't kill the lady with the pram, then I'd SMASH into the other traffic light and if it was red I would go but if it was green then I wouldn't and if the other drivers beeped their horns I would SMASH them and they would be so frightened that they would go "I want my Mummy this boy is so big" and then I'd turn the corner and drive up there *develops mad glint in his eye* and reverse back and SMASH into the level crossing and if the train come I would SMASH it into pieces - a hundred million three pieces, and if there were cows there I would scream at them and show them my teeth like this *snarls* and they would think I was a Daddy lion and then I would go here and turn up there and when the light said "go" I would SMASH into it I would. And the car would go *wobbles head* like that. Then I would put my lights and indicators on and drive backwards and people would say "get out of the way get out of the way" and I would drive so fast its unbelievable because I just LOVE going fast I do. And then when I got round the corner I would find the school and then remember I left my leapPad and so I'd have to go back again and SMASH into the lights and SMASH into the pavement and SMASH into all the people. And then you know what? When I get back to school? It would be time for Asr. So I'd have to go back to the mosque and *breathes* SMASH into the shops and SMASH into the lights and SMASH *my brain goes numb and I faze all noise out whilst finding my happy place* ... blah blah SMASH blah blah SMASH blah blah SMASH blah blah. OK Mum??

Me: Huh? Um? OK son. If you say so.

Boss: *gets up and re-enacts the scenario for me*

*I day-dream of home-educating my children the waldorf way*

Uh

2006-02-25T19:54:00.000Z

Life's a blur. What have I done since Wednesday? Oh Doctors and then Nas brought her children over for ritual slaughtering by my son.

Docs just handed out the happy pills *keep them coming and see me smiling ... except when I'm due, obviously* and told me to come back after two months (will be on these babies for six months and I am so OK with that), but if anything should happen, come back sooner.... Why did I get the music from the shower-scene in "Psycho" running in my head when she said that? Hm.

In light of how Boss has to be the biggest/strongest/cleverest/bestest boy in the ~~world~~ universe of all time, Friday basically was a moanfest of me peeling my son off other peoples' darling children and placing him either in his room or in the corner. I did not want to humiliate him, but when you start the day off trying to gouge a lump of muscle out of somebody's arm with a triceratops then needless to say the day ahead does not look good. I hardly spoke two words to Nas all morning and spent the entire visit refereeing a cross between a sumo wrestling match and a dog fight. I really have no idea why he has it in for that boy. And you know, he'd been warned beforehand so it's not like he didn't *know* that drawing blood and trying to kill people is wrong.

I got a heap of stuff from Ebay, including some BBC wildlife DVDs at ridiculously low prices and a John Holt book. Boss very much into animals now. He's had all the African stories from DH and seeing his face whilst he watched the DVDs was a real treat - saying he is engrossed with animals does not do it justice. I'll just say this: it surpasses his love of vehicles. Yes. I almost fainted too. He's enthralled. Anyone want to do Linton Zoo sometime when the weather heats up? Never been there - anybody give me the low down?

Our obsession with ~~Roman~~ soldiers continues unabated too. The idea that you can legitimately hurt people and that this has been practised throughout the ages from Romans to knights in shining armour with nobody's mother placing them in the corner for doing it is empowering him. In a testosterone-y kind of way. And he keeps saying things like:

You know the Daddy lion - well he has a really big mane - you know why that is? Well that is because when his mummy shouts at him he can hide his ears and not listen to her.

Yes, I am the source of all evil. Thankyou for noticing...

2006-02-22T20:11:00.000Z

I enjoyed reading this again from MereIslams blog. He's very dedicated you know ;-)

2006-02-22T18:56:00.000Z

I am really angry about this piece of news. As far as policing is concerned they should consider it part of their job to expect to face real criminals and shooting and thats what they get paid for surely?? Whats the point of having police if they don't protect you? A bit like having a fire service that refuses to fight fires in case they get burned.

Indigo Jo had a blog about this some time ago. Please read.

Masha'allah

2006-02-22T18:23:00.000Z

I had a really nice time this morning. I feel that this is what I have been yearning for for my kids for a long time. Nothing specific, but room for breathing and running and meeting sisters and (hopefully) circle time, coming together time. I think once they know what is expected of them it will insha'allah turn into something really dynamic. Lots of room for scope and ideas. A good starting point and a lovely venue masha'allah. Aren't we blessed to have someone who can organise such things? I didn't pay my money to whomever is taking the tab - who do I need to pay? Or shall I just pay next week i.a.?

Boss was expecting a good roasting when he got home for twonking as many kids as he did, but to be fair, he is doing it out of silliness and robustness and not genuine evil intent and I could see by the look of concern and embarrassment on his face that he was genuinely sorry (each and every time). So instead of roasting him I told him that people don't like to be hurt and he will have more friends if he's gentle and if he wants to cuddle someone he has to ask first, not jump on them or yank them by their hair. He got it. Whether he remembers it is another matter. Then I told him how proud I was for saying sorry so nicely to people, and what a big boy he was to do that. And I literally saw him stand an inch taller with the praise.

Subhan'allah. I get so used to scolding I am sometimes unaware of the effect it has on him. And he is such a good boy masha'allah. He can't help having testosterone *shrugs*. I pray that he will settle down and begin to regulate silliness with correct adab - and be aware of who will and will not allow him to invade personal space...

I am freezing.

Yesterday it snowed here and we got stuck in it midway to the car - which was good as I had intended on taking us all out to FM for a walk - good job we didn't get stuck in that downpour! Went to AWorld instead and had a great time masha'allah.

Anyone been to Big Sky? Much different or same same?

Plus, are the beaches near us pebbly or sandy? Never actually walked on the shores. Would like to start going in spring for some bracing walks. I love the sea air. Really miss it. Could make a day of it and do the castle on the way back sometime... although we are into gladiators and monkeys and lions at the moment. *Very* into who is the biggest/strongest/fastest/tallest thing right now - maleness really beginning to dig deep roots ... DH trying to teach him that real men are actually those who control anger and have noble characteristics such as patience, generosity, gentleness and are good to orphans, widows and their own family. But Boss just wants to be a mandrill and have the ability to fight lions.... oh well... slowly slowly....

Got GP tomorrow am so although I would rather goto NA I don't think it will be possible. I have never been to the Drs more in my whole life - like a revolving door atm. I should ask for my own door and parking space....

Who says I'm Not Waldorf enough...

2006-02-19T18:51:00.000Z

Finger knitting. At its best. :P

What is Finger Knitting and How do I do it?

2006-02-18T19:50:00.000Z

Been scouring MereIslam again after a long time. Found this.

These cartoons don't defend free speech, they threaten it
Simon Jenkins

Excerpt: "Civilisation is the story of humans sacrificing freedom so as to live together in harmony. We do not need Hobbes to tell us that absolute freedom is for newborn savages. All else is compromise...Speech is free only on a mountain top; all else is editing...We do not go about punching people in the face to test their commitment to non-violence."

Danes Finally Apologize to Muslims (But for the Wrong Reasons)
By RACHARD ITANI

Excerpt: “You can curse the Prophet of the Muslims at will and with total impunity. However, approach the holocaust at your own risks and perils…There is a word for this in the English language: hypocrisy…This whole affair is nothing but an over-reaction to a simple cartoon, you say? Not if you remember a certain other cartoon that appeared in the British newspaper, The Independent, on 27 January 2003. It depicted Prime Minister Sharon of Israel eating the head of a Palestinian child while saying: "What's wrong? You've never seen a politician kissing babies before?" Jews in Britain and around the world erupted with indignation…Muslims deserve nothing more nor less than for Christians in the U.S. and Europe, and Zionist Jews in Israel, to simply abide by the golden rule: treat others as you would have others treat you. So far, Christians and Zionist Jews have proven that they only abide by the alternative definition of this rule: ‘They who have the gold, make the rule.’”

And finally:

Sky News

The parents of a Palestinian boy killed by Israeli soldiers have donated his organs to three Israeli children.

Go and check his blog out. He's a wealth of information. Mere Islam.

Ah...

2006-02-18T19:03:00.000Z

Subhan'allah

It's started...

2006-02-18T12:48:00.000Z

... you know babies, well they are cute and innocent and love cuddles and snuggles and general cosiness and physical contact. Then, I don't know about your kids, but it seems to be a rite of passage here, they seem to get a clue and decide that actually they don't like being fussed over, or cuddled or kissed and snuggled and this can result in high-pitched screaming and indignation at merely seeing ones mother puckering her lips for a smacker.

And then, round about 8 or 9 months the rutting season starts.

Well it's started now. I'm being nutted whenever I make the mistake of trying to cuddle my darling son. It's OK he's small and so far I can usually headlock him into a cuddle even if he doesn't want one (he doesn't). I know that this headbutting trend and relentless wriggling out of all physical shows of affection goes unabated from hereon in so am trying to get as many snuggles, by hook or by crook, before he gets much stronger.

Boss was most indignant to find out today that we were *not* going to be leaving the house in any shape or form. "Oh" he said sadly... "I thought we were going to go somewhere inciting (exciting)". Nope. My day off.

Had some interesting dreams for the last couple of days and I may start a dream blog to record them. They can be quite insightful... involves a lot of ceiling and attics... hmm

The Farm

2006-02-17T20:04:00.000Z

Well everyone else cancelled but I had already promised Boss that we would go, so I didn't want to be a liar. I took one look at the weather this morning - one or two drops of rain and bottle out too. Then I asked him "do you want to goto NA like last week - you really enjoyed that, or do you want to goto the Farm", and well, let's just say I still have the welly-imprints on my head as he tried to get to the car yelling THE TRACTOR PLACE!!

So we went and actually the sun broke through as we got there and it was a lovely day masha'allah. Not too many people like a weekend but enough to get chatting to others.

The main event was the mill demonstration, and as promised the mill was in full operation - the wheel was not only turning (as usual) but this time they had added the grindstones and Boss really liked the sound of that rumbling above his head! He loves machinery anyway so just loved the working water wheel and cogs and kept running backwards and forwards saying IT'S OK, THEY'RE STILL WORKING... the mill ground the flour and then we went through to the little kitchen area to see what happens to the flour after it is ground.

They did NOT dress like this:

Some ready-made dough was given to each (paying) child and they got to knead it and shape it and see it placed in the oven. Returning half an hour later to see the transformation that had taken place in the oven. The bread was lovely and soft and smelled great, but we didn't eat it. I didn't know what was in it, whether it really was halal, and TBH the thought of having people who are surrounded by animals all day making something that I have to eat makes me want to dry heave. So we fed it to the ducks instead and Boss still liked doing that. In fact he was amazed at the fact that he made his own bread and how it came out of the oven - I just can't make bread with him as I have a really bad raw flour allergy and making even simple biscuits has me clawing up the walls with skin irritation within minutes, so it was nice for him to see something as simple as bread being made and for him to have the connection that food does not grow in supermarkets.

Then we looked at other stuff, the highlight of the day was seeing a peacock for the first time. He was mesmirized. He kept saying 'Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, Peacock - show us your tail... pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease' then saying back to himself in a gruff voice, 'NO I AM VERY COLD TODAY'. *shrugs*

We looked at the animals and fed some of them, we looked at old stuff and threw sticks in the stream and raced them under the bridge. Then he saw a sandpit and some mud and THREW himself down into BOTH. I am beginning to think he thinks that the entire point of leaving the house is to crap up his clothes, create work for me and to see how naked he has to be stripped to before getting home... it's become a habit. Cut it out.

They are also building a new childrens play area there - the last one was a bit dire, but this one looks very promising - lots to climb and slide down and crawl through. Should be good.

Anyway, had a pleasant day. Enjoy the offering:

Goats

Mean horns

Rusty tractor

Cows... you need to be told that?

Well.... it *walked* like a duck, and it *quacked* like a duck....

Pigs.

Vehicle parts

Vehicle ... with no diesel engine...

The sandpit. They should really embed this thing better - Boss was walking round with it like it was his horse...

The Farm

The grindstone

The bakery

The baker

The peacock... nearly wrote 'peanut'... I'm tired

The peacock again

Night night. I'm pooped.

Dangerously further below the navel

2006-02-17T18:06:00.000Z

I was going to just comment in the last comment box, but thought I would write so much it could be a post on its own. So ta-da.

Thankyou everyone for commenting and add your two cents. I will just think out loud again if that's OK. For anyone already tired of this self-absorption please stop reading and find something better to do...

OK now that they are gone (and I didn't like them anyway.... joke...) I will continue.

Why should I try to change? Good question. Not easy to answer, but I'll do my best.
There is the notion prevalent today that everyone and everything has equality. And that's a good thing. We are all equal and if you don't think so then stop yourself from dying - by that fact alone we are all equal by the very mortality we carry around our necks. We all laugh, we all need, we all bleed and we all have been put here for a reason.

But there is an arrogance which has become even more prevalent in today's world which states that everyone can neither be better nor worse than anyone else. That our opinions are as weighty as Divine Word. That we have a right to do and say what we want regardless of how this affects the universe, because ultimately we base our lives purely on ego - me, me, me. And furthermore we are slowly becmong a narcistic nation, where other peoples' lives have no use unless it furthers our own. We believe that no one has the right to undermine this sense of self worth and that we are somehow little gods free to say, do and opine as much as our whims allow.

From a spiritual standpoint this is the very antithesis of what we were created for. In traditional Islamic pyschology the 'self' has always been broken down into various components, one of which, the 'ego', or "commanding self" is seen as the lowest possible rung on the ladder of the personality - a tyrant and a foolish aspect of the biological animal that we are which, unless shackled and restrained will lead us by the nose until we die. It is a foolish self which causes mayhem in its wake. It is reptilian in all aspects. For most part the religious exercises, such as fasting for example, are designed to impact on this lower self so that higher, subtle realities may emerge. Without reigning in the ego one remains, in spiritual terms, at the level of a child or an animal.

Most of us have some aspect of ego and you can never fully erase it - you need it at any rate for survival, but the idea is that you control *it* and *it* should not control you. Once you can truly say you have mastered the lower self you can call yourself 'human' for you (and by that I mean the *real* You, not the illusory 'you' of the ego) are in charge.

This throws up lots of questions about what do we mean by 'you' etc. and from the Islamic perspective the real You is (quoting Saadi) 'that which cannot be lost in a shipwreck'. The ego is false and will always be in a state of loss forever trying to hold back the tide of change - denying death and anything that impacts on its comfort zone and some people are so expert in this denial of anything which endangers their ego/false self that they will cause much harm in the world to ensure its survival.

Muslims, and by that I mean the fullest sense of the word "those who submit themselves to the Greater Reality/Allah", not just people who, by accident of birth have been labelled 'muslim', have historically always chosen the company of people who will act like mirrors to their bad points, rather than surround themselves with sychophants who massage this dangerous ego-self. By surrounding yourself with people who are prepared 'to speak a word of truth to a tyrant' you are more able to erase the badness in the soul better than were you left to your own devices. We are blind to our own defects as this is another way the ego gains mastery over us. True friends in the Islamic sense are people who will show you your defects (in the gentlest manner) so that you are able to rectify yourself before you are brought to Account by Allah.

So, yes it matters that I change if what I base my life and interactions on isn't Divine Truth and beautiful manners but only on ego and unthinking reactions. Because ultimately we aren't here forever, we are merely on this earth for a short while, taking a rest before continuing our journey towards the grave, and thereafter accounting for how we spent our time here. And it's OK to say 'learn to love yourself', but how is that possible when the only way I can love my current self is by ignoring the pain I may inflict on others - to be wilfully blind to how my actions affect the lives of other people sharing this universe?

Perhaps if there wasn't a higher way of living I could satisfy myself with easy answers, that oh I'm not that bad, and others are worse, and I don't kill people and some people are too sensitive, or 'their loss'. But I have seen people, people of such high spirituality who have experienced things I have only read about, whose character is so beautiful, whose life is so noble and generous and whose manners are so humbling that I feel like a complete yokel in their company - I see in them what humanity is capable of, and when asked about how they reached this stage they are ashamed that they themselves are rotten to the core and only hope that one day they can emulate the one who came to refine our characters and beautify our Selves with good manners and generousity, the Prophet (saw) - and if you read of his character and the characters of people of his age who were nothing but bedouins - people whose lives were debauched in everyway, and how he raised them to become the perfect humans in every way, you will realise what it means to be a human, what we were created for, what we are capable of and how far short of the mark we are and how satisfied we are with so very little. I speak of myself here.

In many ways we have a potential and are like beautiful flowers in the making, but somewhere down the line our growth is restricted and we becomes so accustomed to living with weeds that when the gardener comes to remove the weeds and help us grow we protest that we are OK, that the gardener is mad or has bad intentions and that there is no such thing as a beautiful bloom to strive for.

There is a saying that the sign of a hypocrite is that he consoles himself with saying 'others are as bad as me, I'm OK' whereas a Believer should always be worried and never satisfied with themselves, never resting or becoming complacent. Waging war on the ego is like being a soldier on a battlefield - you don't let your guard down until the war is won. And actually, the term 'jihad' refers to this spiritual battle against one's ego, not blowing people up in the world...

Being aware of having a trait is a bit different to getting rid of it though. And it isn't that I have pain or am hurt or damaged in any way. I was just expressing objectively what I see to be the root cause of certain aspects of my character. I love my family very much and there is much good about them. And to be fair, I can see that someone hurt them too and I feel sad for them as well. I am not angry or resentful towards them. What has been has been and gone. Mistakes were made, life was hard sometimes, but others have worse lives so I'm not chewing on it. But still I have certain character traits which are so entrenched as to make them almost compulsive. They are almost at the level of instinct for me. And I want to get rid of them because they are ugly and they hurt people. And not even people I don't like - I mean people I really really love and would take a bullet for...

A sheikh once gave us this example though: your heart is like a glass of water, but at the bottom is sediment and before you drink the water you must remove the sediment. Some people, unaware that the sediment is there will drink it and become ill, but for those fortunate amongst us someone will stir the water up, the dross will rise to the surface and then we can scrape away the rubbish and have a truly clean glass of water.

I am hoping that simply having all this come to the surface means that it will help resolve these issues. I have noticed in the past that whenever I have become aware of certain bad traits and what causes them they cease to be a problem.

Oh well. Waffle over. Normal service will resume shortly insha'allah...

Below the navel

2006-02-16T20:15:00.000Z

People who dont like pyschobabble switch off now.

OK so want to read this, fair enough.

Defense mechanisms: are usefeul when they ensure the survival of the Self (either biological or psychological) and are only problematic when they are out-dated, unnecessary or feed into a neurosis.

Over-compensation: people with under-developed characteristics sometimes tend to over-compensate by being a total opposite of what they really are to safeguard themselves.

My defense mechanisms, which I have only just become fully aware of after being made to think about this deeply today:

I attack before being attacked, as the best form of defense *is* attack in terms of military strategy. Given my size you would have thought this would have meant having the crap beaten out of me on several occasions, but I have learned in the playground otherwise. The louder you shout and the more aggressive you seem the *less* likely yo are to spark a real confrontation.

A second defense mechanism is that I am aggressive. I have had to 'fight' to be given any room to be who I am; as such, I have developed a huge chip on my shoulder which cannot distinguish, unless I sit down and behave rationally, between kindly *normal* conversation and personal attack and I can act in a split second defensively by aggreessively standing my ground and taking things personally. In a lot of ways I am like a wounded animal who is backed into a corner. For many years this stood me in good stead - it stopped me being suffocated and erased by oppressive forces, but after years of having this sting I am finding it hard to undo.

My over-compensations - I am a weepy softy who blubbers like a girl at anything. I am naive in a lot of ways and I see the good in absolutely everybody. Internally I am like a child. Obviously this is not good. I over-compensate by detaching myself from others at an emotional level, or even at the physical level. I am aloof. I can be scathing. I can be off-hand and cold. I can take criticism but I just cannot take kindness and pity and concern. How odd. Why. Because it makes me cry. And I dont want to cry so I keep people at arms length. Why dont I want to cry? Because whenever you do or whenever I have you are labelled weak and an idiot. So I suppose over-compensation is just another defense mechanism.

So that's some things I have thought about today.

Now what to do about it all.

Parklife

2006-02-16T18:13:00.000Z

Went to the park - really beautiful day masha'allah and full of kids because of halfterm. Usually a bit wary of going to the park as I have felt uncomfortable there alone - just me and someone walking their dog. Last time I ventured there alone (before Jaws) some bloke just stood right next to me and Boss and stared at us. Freaky.

But today it was nice. Muddy, but nice.

He played with three brothers and it was heart-warming to see him role-playing and inventing real games and joining in without stupidity. I got chatting to their mum and it turns out she is also homeschooling her kids too. Small world. Very nice lady who knew her stuff. Hope to meet her again soon.

Then Boss fell in the mud AGAIN. In fact, 'fell' would not do justice to the monumental incident - he kind of ran in slow motion across the playground, before trying to stop midway thus launching himself into the biggest skid I have seen in a long while, before landed on his back in the biggest, wettest, muddiest puddle there. Trust him. Another car seat needing washed..

Oh well.

Jaws managed to scream like he was on fire in the car. Again. You know you hear of other people who say things like "he just wouldn't sleep, so we had to put him in the car to get him to nod off". Ha. Ha. If I tried that on Jaws I think the experience would send him into having a seizure he hates the car so much.

But tough. I've been without one for nearly seven years and if he thinks I'm going to give it up now he can forget it. Hurts the ears though.

Then I we get home and I manage to kill a friendship with just about the one person I have ever truly respected. Well done Debbie. Then I ponder over what value life is and what I actually do to make other peoples' lives better. Not a lot. V. depressing day all in all.
Been thinking about socialising aspect of HE again. Its the only thing that makes me question HE as I know Boss would love school for the amount of nutters it would introduce him to.... I grew up an army kid and every once in a while either my friends had to leave (because Daddy was posted somewhere) or I did, and the transcience of those relationships had a negative affect on me. My sister on the other hand never experienced this lifestyle and has the same friends she had since she was four. Which I find weird. But no, that's normal. The only friend I maintained contact with (a friend since I was nine) dumped me when I converted to Islam as she "hated God and don't want anything to do with people who believe in Him". So there.
Pondering on the insularity this lifestyle inculcated me with. I wish I was more like my DH. I mean, OK he muddles things up and sulks for Britain sometimes but he has a lovely heart - a big softy and he loves Allah and His messenger (saw) sincerely - he would never hurt a fly. I don't know. Any tips - what softens hearts? Or do I know the answer to that one already?

Hmm.

DH just read Boss a bedtime story - the Three Billy Goats Gruff - except he kept calling the middle one, "Middle Aged Billy Goat Gruff". So now he thinks there is Middle Aged Billy Goat Gruff and a Doyouthinktheysaurus in popular parlance.... what are we doing????

Today

2006-02-15T19:56:00.000Z

we went to The Museum and they had a half term week on and we discovered various gadgets and gizmos. It was a great morning out all in all. The displays were really good, the gadgets were entertaining and sparked a fair amount of interest, and upstairs one of the museum staff had dressed up as a Roman Soldier and had a really excellent rapport with the kids. There was armour to try on and he was very helpful and let us take photographs too. This has moved us on from merely being interested in knights and Kings into being VERY interested in Roman Soldiers and gladiators in particular.

They had an under-fives room with a sand pit and dinosaurs and stuff, and Boss had a good play with another boy his age and although they assed about and had a good giggle I was relieved to see he has settled down and didn't do anything anti-social. He seems to be a normal boy after all - phew! I think, had this been a school environment that these two would have been really good friends - hit it off straight away. My only regret about homeschooling...

Then we went to MotherCare and bought some hats reduced from £6 to 90p! Good job all round. Then we came home and researched Roman Soldiers and more dinosaurs. I am becoming quite good at dinosaurs now - tried to crack the joke with Boss about the paranoid dinosaur Doyouthinktheysaurus. But he didn't get it. Now he thinks there is a dinosaur called Doyouthinktheysaurus.... ho hum.

Anyway piccies of The Museum

Pulleys

Thingy

A watchamacallit

Gears. Glad I didn't waste my money on this after all

Oojakapip

We could all use one of these, surely?

How we used to live. We have better roads now.

A Doyouthinktheysaurus

And his cousin Imsuretheysaurus

He thought this was a real mammoth. Yes I do home educate my kids...

Elephant head. Mmm. Lovely. He liked this.

Dead bloke. Having real issues with things like this actually - putting bodies on display. Good photo though eh?

Viking Ken

Roman soldier who frightened Boss ;-)

OK

2006-02-14T19:35:00.000Z

so what fun-packed adventure did we get up to today?

Ooh lets think. Between scraping general crud off various surfaces and shoving food down various necks (and wiping various poos off various bums) we found the time to goto Ferry Meadows and for those of you not au fait with this particular area it is a human-made lake with lots of surrounding grass, a miniature train and track, a couple of play areas and lots of paths to cycle on. It also has geese and swans and boats and birds and duck poo and dogs-not-on-leads-even-though-they-are-supposed-to-be and dogs going ape because omigod there is a *duck* in the water and I'm gonna catch it... I'm gonna catch it... I'm ... oh it flew away ... again. Oh but never mind - there are pre-schoolers to chase instead....

So we went there, and in mind-blowingly uncharacteristic fashion I had prepared the day before by making with Boss a KITE.

Yes, people. I made something with Boss. I actually planned ahead. Go ahead. I'll scrape you off the ceiling in a little while.

I found some easy-to-follow instructions off the 'net by some kind of boy scout (and they know their stuff, right??) and we made, out of newspaper, a kite. A KITE. "All you need is a little scotch tape and some string". ... oh wait - and the hurricane to lift that Mamma off the ground because I don't think it could have been heavier if it had been made of wrought iron for crying out loud. We tried it in the garden and, well, I cleaned the path with it.

So DH made a kite with tissue paper. Much better. But I decided I couldn't be assed after all actually FLYING a kite this morning and so left it on the table and took the frisbee, cricket bat and ball and another ball.

It was really windy there today and a couple of people were flying kites anyway so Boss got to see what it was all about without me having to waste any of my own energy doing anything. Always a bonus. And after three seconds he went, "Oh yeah. *bored silence* LETS RUN" OK.

Then we played with the frisbee.

We like the frisbee and who needs a dog when you have a four year old? I threw and he fetched. Oh it was fun. Then I taught him how to throw it, but having a penchant for hurling the caber, the frisbee's line of trajectory was decidedly non-frisbee-like and after nearly missing the crown on my head several times as it descended he decided to just pretend to be a train instead.

Which was good unless we saw a dog on the horizon where upon he wrapped himself around my legs and shoved his head so far up my bum I could hardly walk. So here I am trudging over the common pushing a baby who is almost a stone in weight, wading through mud and having to drag one leg behind me with a human plaster cast hitching a ride. Lovely exercise.

Then we played in the playground and he kept *pointing* at other boys and saying in a very loud voice what they were doing, and how he was better than them and what facial features they had, and had I any energy left I think I would have taken a running jump at him for making me clench my butt in embarrassment that hard. We have had words over pointing. You just. Don't. Point. It is rude. It is also unIslamic. The Prophet (Saw) when he pointed would never, ever use his finger, but use his entire hand to gesture the direction he was referring to. So I have been teaching Boss this since he was two years old - since the day we walked along our road and a Mercedes-Benz with blacked-out windows and gold-alloy wheels and four crack-dealers parked beside us and Boss kept pointing at them and going "MUMMY... LOOK AT THE..." whilst I deflected him for TEN. MINUTES. with things like "Oh, look dear - a bird/airplane/cloud/sky/rocket-ship/pink elephant with enormous big ears hiding behind THAT cloud... you sure you can't see it?? Look harder..." until it transpired that what he was pointing at was the other car parked behind it which had a dent that wasn't there last time we'd seen it... but of course by this point I'd already died a thousand deaths imaging the scenario where both me and my child were hacked to pieces by paranoid smack dealers who thought we were "disrespecting" them or taking undue interest in their facial appearance and/or numberplate - so since then I have been insistent on making sure he doesn't use his finger to point. But he still ignores me and still he manages to make me break out into hot flushes when he yells "LOOK MUMMY... LOOK AT THE..." *O Please God help the next words out of his mouth NOT be 'fat ugly lady'*

So we finish the playground and walk back when THIS happens:

"LOOK AT ME MUMMY - LOOK HOW HIGH I CAN JUMP" but of course he's in a big, sticky, muddy, gloopy patch of gloopy, sticky, smelly, dog-urine-soaked MUD and instead of jumping his feet are stuck in the ground and he just ends up throwing himself sideways into the mess and lies there LIES THERE shouting LOOK AT ME. I didn't photograph his back or head.

So being the compassionate mother you know I am, I instantly ran to the gloopy, smelly child and hissed *GET UP. NOW* and he tried. But he was stuck and he had to pull himself free whilst dog owners and normal people of various description walked past and tutted at the baaaaaaad mother who just couldn't control her kid enough.

I am turning into one of those mothers people tut at.

Then we get to the car and hell no he isn't sitting in MY car like that. So I make him strip before getting in. I wrap him in a blanket and drive home with mud encased all over my boot from the pram wheels and clothes, Jaws screaming like he's on fire and a semi-naked four year old desperately looking for someone out of his window so they can save him.

It's days like these that I know why social services were created.

In fact, no. Don't call social services. Just shoot me.

But the train aint running...

Can you hear that? Listen.... "Wah! I hate the pram! Wah! I hate the outdoors! Wah! Omigod we're near the frigging car - I HATE the car even more than I hate other stuff! Wah! Get me the hell out of HERE!!

The clouds looked just like an oil painting.

Hope you all had a nice day.

2006-02-14T15:07:00.000Z

I love this header.

Found this stuff

2006-02-12T20:02:00.000Z

On other peoples' blogs

Motion and mechanisms

Greens defend 'rebel' mother

Just leave my child in peace, pleads mother

Thanks to Hanaa for these links:

Turn your watch into a compass. Use it to find direction!

Find True North - the scout's way

Child care under fire

2006-02-12T19:00:00.000Z

Got this from Deb's blog:

Child guru says nurseries harm small children

ONE of the world’s most popular parenting gurus is to warn that placing children younger than three in nurseries risks damaging their development.

Steve Biddulph, whose books have sold more than 4m copies worldwide, says that instead of subsidising nurseries, which do a “second-rate” job, the government should put in place policies to enable mothers to stay at home with their babies.

The advice signals a reversal of views for Biddulph, an Australian with more than 20 years’ experience as a therapist, whose previous bestsellers
include Raising Boys and Raising Girls.

In his new book Biddulph will admit he has changed his mind because of growing evidence of increased aggression, antisocial behaviour and other problems among children who have spent a large part of their infancy being cared for away from home.

He argues that such children may have problems developing close relationships later.

The criticisms by Biddulph and other experts are likely to bring them into conflict with the government, which has made expanding nursery places a key part of its family policy.

In Britain nearly 250,000 children under three attend nurseries full or part-time. Worldwide, the number of babies and toddlers being cared for in nurseries has quadrupled in the past decade as mothers increasingly return to work.

Labour has created more than 1.2m new childcare places for the youngest children since it came to power in 1997. Every child aged three is entitled to a free nursery session of 2½ hours a day and the government has carried out pilot schemes to extend these sessions to two-year-olds, part of the age group that is Biddulph’s greatest concern.

Gordon Brown, the chancellor, has promised an extra £769m for early years state childcare between 2005 and 2008, while the government
proposes to extend maternity and paternity leave, which makes it easier for women to keep their jobs after they have children.

Biddulph admits he started out as a believer in quality nursery care and the role it played in broadening women’s lives but says he has found reality never matched the fantasy. “In fact it was often a disastrous disappointment,” he said.

“The best nurseries struggled to meet the needs of very young children in a group setting. The worst were negligent, frightening and bleak — a nightmare of bewildered loneliness that was heartbreaking to watch.”

Biddulph focuses his warnings on what he estimates is the 5% of British parents who “slam” their children into nursery for a large part of their day from the age of six months.

He believes nothing can provide an equal substitute for one-to-one care for a child under two, ideally by a parent. He argues that infants’ brains need to be stimulated by loving interaction if they are to develop properly.

Nannies, he says, can work well as a halfway solution but only if parents are “extraordinarily lucky” with the person they find. He says, however, that care by family or friends is “a much safer option”.

Biddulph says it was five years ago that he began writing his book, Raising Babies: Should Under 3s Go To Nursery?, published next month by Harper Thorsons. But he he was initially afraid to release it because its message was “so confrontational, so against the tide”. He points, however, to increasing evidence supporting the thesis.

Last year Penelope Leach, an authority on childcare, issued a similar warning after finding that young children looked after by their mothers did better in development tests than those cared for in nurseries, by childminders or relatives.

The study of 1,200 children for London and Oxford Universities by Leach, Kathy Silva and Alan Stein — both Oxford professors — suggested babies and toddlers who had spent time in nursery care had “higher levels of aggression” in later childhood.

Biddulph cites two other studies that have found evidence of antisocial behaviour and violence among children who have spent long periods in nurseries.

His greatest concerns centre on the group many childcare professionals call the “slammers”, whose children are placed in full-time nursery care from 8am to 6pm before the age of six months and stay there until they go to school. They consist mainly of urban professionals and account for 100,000 of the 2m under-threes.

“Sliders”, by contrast, who make up 35% of British parents, put their children into nursery after the age of two and usually do so part-time, while 60% of parents do not use nurseries at all.

Jay Belsky, director of the Institute for the Study of Children, Families and Social Issues at Birkbeck College, London University, said the evidence on nurseries was far from clear-cut, although for over-threes the findings were more positive.

“Long hours in childcare settings early in life, especially in groups, seem to foster aggression and disobedience. But good-quality childcare for three and four-year-olds seems to have cognitive and linguistic benefits, especially for children from poorer backgrounds.”

Belsky is worried about the cumulative effect of children being raised in nurseries. A classroom full of children who had spent long periods in daycare might be difficult to manage. “Babies need a devoted care-giver,” he said.

An education department spokesman defended childcare policies, including two bills going through parliament, one placing a duty on councils to provide more childcare provision and another extending parental leave. “We are not telling parents what to do but we are trying to provide them with choices,” he said.

“We want to make sure every parent has access to high-quality, safe, stimulating and affordable childcare, so they have greater flexibility in how they balance their lives.”

From The Sunday Times

Make mental note:

2006-02-12T17:42:00.000Z

Don't put plastic-backed bibs in the dryer.

Anyone want several hard towelin-lined balls of plastic??

Spent most of my day

2006-02-11T20:03:00.000Z

saying "no". A LOT. I really don't understand my son. Well, yeah I do but the hard reality is that he can be impulsive and hard-headed and stubborn. Most of the time he is a pussy cat but today he tried to take his Dad on and he has shown too much temper for my liking.

I don't know.

On the one hand I would like to have a child I can educate and take to all the educational things and events - get involved in HEing properly, and on the other hand I know that for a long, long time these things just aren't open to him fully. He needs open space, rhythm, simple open-ended tasks which involve no fiddly bits and sit down concentration. He needs no distractions if he is to do something for longer than two minutes. Because really what he wants more than air to breathe is an assing-about bunch of maniacs like himself to wrestle and test his boundaries with.

And on the one hand I want to put my hands up and say "OK, roam free - explore your nutter side", and on the other, I so dearly want him socialised so that we can access all the things that other children access and appreciate and get involved in.

This sounds dramatic, but for example I have been looking at the piccies on other peoples' blogs about recreating the Henri Rousseau painting, and it looks like such a fulfilling and rewarding exercise - all pitching in together to make a work of art, but all I can think when I see this is - how did they get the kids to sit still long enough to DO that, how did they MAKE them do it???

And of course the answer is - the kids wanted to do it and enjoyed the workshop. For us that would have been a few hours of me screaching "Stop it! Put it down! Don't pull her hair! Say sorry".

I get bored with that.

I like circle times. When we do them. I like getting out into a big enough space to let out steam (which, incidently doesn't let all his steam out - he still has PLENTY left at the end of the day). I like our play now - it's very good masha'allah. But I am itching to do more...

When do they have ADHD, and when is it just being a boy??

Cartoon row

2006-02-11T18:24:00.000Z

Peaceful rally

Good ol' Ken

Zaytuna speak out

OK. Now stop. I think the world *gets* it already - cartoons were racist and insulting, defamatory and hurtful... blah blah.

Move it along people... nothing to see, here...

Burghley

2006-02-10T18:21:00.000Z

Went to Burghley House today. The need to be outdoors, especially in this weather is really too much to resist. Wanted to goto the Sculpture Garden for a long time, but untennable with a disabled husband! So we went and it is nice; lots of areas to explore, interesting nooks and crannies and visually stunning. I enjoyed it but I think Boss was expecting something to "do" and was begging me to take him "back to that place we went yesterday". New Ark really *is* his thing. Saying that, I don't think I would *pay* to see this sculpture garden again, but as a freebie it was a nice brisk walk. No deer today. Oh dear (:P)

As I don't "get" modern "art" I will leave all critical evaluation out of the equation. Some things I think worked and other just didn't IMHO. But nevertheless things to nourish the mind and soul.

Enjoy:

The first snowdrops I've seen for a while!

Calves. Evidently.

This was half-hidden in the shadows of a canopy of leaves and as you walked through the little avenue it was somewhat eerie. Boss clung to my legs at these offerings. Felt like walking into a head-hunter village...

I wouldn't have payed for this...

I liked this

Which was this close up. I like the play between light and shade

An alien swan??

Liked this too

"Looks like a puffer fish to me, Mum"

"Now I'm a hermit crab!"

Liked it

Just don't GET it

I can't believe I actually wasted my time doing this... but it's SO me... LOL

2006-02-09T20:11:00.000Z

The Traditional Princess

You are generous, graceful, and practical with both

feet planted firmly on the ground. You tend

to be a little on the old-fashioned side. You

value home, hearth, and family life and love

to be of service to others.

Role Models: Snow White, Maid Marian

You are most likely to: Discover a hidden talent

for spinning straw into gold.

What Kind of Princess are You? - Beautiful Artwork (Original Music is BACK!!!)
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