Sunday, July 24, 2005


... can't think of a title for this one.

Been marvelling at women who want more and more children, recently. Like I was saying to K yesterday it makes me feel as if there is something wrong with me - I don't *get* the maternal urge for a household brimming with kids. ... I mean ... I just don't *get* it. I see people with 6 kids and my first reaction is, WHY?? when you don't *have* to... why do it?

Or have I missed some point in all this?

Or do I need female hormone injections? Or a 'cluck' button installed that gravitates me towards finding children cute and not hard work?

*Shrugs* Is there anybody out there who has more than two kids who can explain this mystery to me? Why have more?

And maybe that makes me ungrateful as perhaps now you think I have terrible children and nothing could be further from the truth - I have two angels, masha'allah - very easy to raise - blessings in every sense. You'd think a woman with two great kids would just want to keep going til she hits a dud, but no... I just don't *get* maternal instincts... which means *I'm* the dud...

... I knew it all along

Anyway, my baby seems to like being held by everyone except me as it instigates instant 'omigod she nipped me'-like shreiks if I have the nerve to try to interact with him on any level above shoving a (sore) nipple in his Dyson mouth... maybe I smell of milk... or maybe he just doesn't like me... *Shrugs again*

I have no jilbabs that open at the front which means breastfeeding is going to be a pain in the bum if I don't slash some pretty soon. Or maybe this is a sign I should bottlefeed... :P

Actually, it's amazing how many times a day I tell myself I am going to start bottle feeding him soon... at the last count it must be close to 278 times so far... the only thing that stops me is him sleeping... I am *so* not an earth-mother....

Child Benefit... must remember to pick up the forms;
Circumcision - must get it confirmed (we are going with Khan from Derby - the week Hannah rang he was on holiday and doesn't answer his phone til 8pm at night because he is so busy. Due to lack of options we are going with him insha'allah. Sort the campaign out Hannah... :P);

I have so many lists of things to do!! Argh!


At 11:35 pm, Anonymous Zainab said...

Glad u feel the same way i do! I don't do maternal either - far from it. I wake up every day and think...'oh my god how am i going to survive another day' and like you it's ME, not them! I personally think that its this society which does it to us, the more education you get the more selfish u become and the less ready/prepared for motherhood! Pls make dua that Allah SWT makes us feel that maternal urge before it's too late and they've grown up. Was salam

At 12:47 am, Blogger merry said...

I blogged for you :)

At 11:10 am, Anonymous hannah said...

InshaAllah the campaign will begin in full force soon! We can't do anything for Samee until he is over 8mths :*(. But, Alhamdulilah ala quli Hal, and it will work out for the best anyway.

As far as the kids thing goes (and I've just read Merry's blog so it's very interesting to hear both sides of the coin) I don't think there is anything *wrong* with either way. Allah created us all different. If you don't feel you're done having babies, have some more! ( and I say this in terms of within a healthy happily married relationship of course) as long as you don't feel you will be depriving your existing children of what they need.
I have a husband who requires a fair bit of time from me and a house that *needs* to be tidy for various peoples mental wellbeing (mine included) and children who like to be educated in a attention consuming way so I am definately done at 3 children. I would be putting us all under a considerable strain if we had more. But I am not craving another child like some other mothers so it's not hard to say all that.

Debbie, you are a great mum. I see clucking going on full force with Boss! Just because you don't want anymore doesn't mean you're not clucking over the ones you already have. XXXXXXX

At 7:56 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i don't have that stuff to hand, but can order it - did you get it checked out?

At 8:00 pm, Blogger Qalballah said...

jzk. I dont think I cluck over Boss - just incessantly *nag* the poor kid.

*Sigh* - been running a range of emotions this last week. I think I am very tired and so not wanting to do the night-feeding thing *shows audience the bags under her eyes*. It has a knock-on effect... I get quite irrational and snivelly with poor sleep.

Is Samee sleeping through the night yet?

And I think Zainab is right about the "more educated you are" thing. Nothing... nothing ... prepares you for motherhood.

At 8:02 pm, Blogger Qalballah said...

No I haven't got it checked out yet. Actually, HV coming tomorrow i.a. so will ask her. Don't think it's thrush after all - I think he has milk in his mouth. I'm not itchy or flaky - just *bruised*!!

At 10:03 am, Anonymous Hannah said...

Alhamdulilah MasdhaAllah, Samee has only ever woken once in the night. Bascically his routine is :

After girls have gone to bed I give him a bath with oil and put him in his sleepsuit. Then I take him downstairs and feed him and rock on the chair and then I take him up to bed and he will fall asleep on my bed (where he currently sleeps.) Now this happens at about 9.30ish. Sometimes I will potter around downstairs with him on his mat on the floor as well and sometimes he falls asleep in my arms but he will be asleep by 10pm. Then he'll wake for a feed at about 6am and go back to sleep until 8.30ish.
I'm a BIG believer in bedtime routine. A nice bath to relax and pajamas to signify a change from day to night. It's worked with them all.

At 10:38 am, Blogger Qalballah said...

No offence, but I hate you.

I think it is more down to barakah and blessings rather than routine TBH hannah.

Routine worked with Boss when he was about 3 months but I think that that was because he was genetically inclined to sleep...

Our routine thus far goes like this: depending on the alignment of the planets Jaws will perhaps sleep for an hour (more like half hour) a.m. then faff about til about 3ish where a screamfest will ensue and whomsoever's nerves hold out the longest wins. Usually my DH manages to get him to sleep in the car seat for a while. Then he wakes up and stays awake til about 8 or 9pm. Then he eats. Then 9:10pm he wakes up again. Then faffs. Then sometimes we manage to get him to sleep about 10ish. Then hereonin he wakes every two hours for a feed. And then after munching for 20 mins it takes another hour to get the wind out of him otherwise he grunts and fusses and wakes up the whole house. Currently jiving to the one-legged mama dance of "rock a by baby" etc til heads spins with exhaustion and arms ache with bouncing a boulder around for an hour. Then I pass out. Then another feed. Same thing again. Pass out. About er, 5am or 6am we begin the grunting leg-kicking sumo-wrestling type noises as he attempts to poo. This can last two hours. Then he sleeps and I get up and make breakfast whilst trying not to jamb my fingers in the toaster or walk into walls.

Changing into a sleep suit makes naff all difference other than triggering off a screamfest as I had the audacity to *move his arms*. A bath is a cute idea but makes no discernable difference to his sleep pattern.

I am so tired and dazed and confused. Please make du'a we get some sleep soon. And a routine. And a child who can poo without waking the whole house.

*Passes out*

At 12:30 pm, Anonymous hannah said...

Oh dear....well.

I presume you have discussed all breastfeeding situations with kdja e.g windy babies and greenish poo sometimes can mean switching sides too soon and them getting too much foremilk?

...OK, so Samee has been the easiest so far, routine for him has just complimented his easy going nature.
I do remember rocking Bella at 2am crying, and her crying when she was 4 weeks old. She had colic, fed 2 hourly at least, screamed A LOT. She was the only one to bring me to tears with exhaustion and frustration. I seem to recall my husband screaming '*it's* ruined my life!!!' one night.
The strain was unbearable on us.
I didn't manage to stay breastfeeding her longer than 6 weeks cos i was toooooooo exhausted and uninformed and unsupported to do anything else. It all settled somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks.

I am making dua for you. XXXXXXXXX

At 12:53 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I is still feeding two hourly through the night, as have all my babies. Alhamdulillah, I got the knack of latching on, falling back to sleep, somepoint putting baby down or just sleeping in my arms, rolling over, latching on, etc.... BUT wind is a big problem if you have windy baby. The above was not the routine for months with I, but settled when I eliminated all the problem foods (here she goes!).
Alhamdulillah, the homeopathy has been fantastic for us, there is something for wind that's easy to try in the day to see if makes a difference insha'Allah.
Um, the main thing for me was my change in mindset actually.
Would love to hear Merry's nighttime 'routine'.

You know, the 'right' way of doing it is different for every family. Parenting is hard, but *exhilerating* when we are tuned in to the way that is best for us. I know it's corny, but we need to shut down from how everybody else is doing it - which may sound fab, but not in line with our own heart and mind.

There are things which are physically 'best' for our children, but may not be best for us - emotionally or physically.

Not that we shouldn't share all our experiences, but just pick which bits make us glow.
It's a test too, ay.!?

At 11:22 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

can't find my remedies at mo'
am working on it

At 6:45 pm, Blogger Qalballah said...

actually, if you could just supply me with a natural *sedative* that would be much much more useful!!!

At 6:45 pm, Blogger Qalballah said...

actually, if you could just supply me with a natural *sedative* that would be much much more useful!!!

At 6:46 pm, Blogger Qalballah said...

so useful i had to say it twice

At 7:01 pm, Blogger merry said...

Night-time routine... Josie goes to sleep any time between 9.30 and 11.30 depending on teeth, either on my lap or by me in bed. Goes in cot if i can be bothered. Then depending on teeth she either sleeps through the night or wakes for feeds at intervals. As a tiny she only woke once as a rule and bar two nights in all her life, has always been as good as is required about just lying and feeding, which she does while i sleep.

However, by the time you add the 3 insomniacs in, i don't get that much sleep.

Having done Fran, who took up to 2 hours to drink 2oz milk and would generally then throw it straight back up, was still losing weight at 6 weeks and screamed quite literally without stopping for the first few months, it would take a fair amount of stress to throw me. Having done a baby who couldn't get enough food to be full, a baby like Josie who just likes to mainline milk verges on the simple ;)

At 7:11 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"by the time you add the 3 insomniacs in"

merry, it is sooo sweet to hear something familiar!

not to mention the insomniac husband, washing down a child who has wet the bed, mopping the wee that missed the toilet, etc....

motherhood is *soooooo* much fun.
ESPECIALLY at night.


At 7:53 pm, Anonymous hannah said...

lol Maryam said to me...'the more you have (children) the less chance you get at a whole night's sleep.

Just so you don't think I'm catching good zzzzeds just cos i've got a good sleeping babe I'll tell you about last night:

Girls messed around and fell asleep at 8.30ish, Samee asleep at 9.30.
My night disturbances:
1.30am dh comes in
3.00am Aaliya thinks it's time to get up. I get her some milk.
sometime around 5.30 Samee feeds
6.00am Bella wakes up for a drink.
7.00am I finally give in to Bellas wailings and get up. The day begins. YAY

See it ain't all rosey.

At 10:06 pm, Anonymous Zainab said...

Well what can I tell ya, EVERY night is musical beds round my place! I've even tried hiding in the top bunk thinking that i'll def be safe there, to no avail! ;)

At 9:29 am, Blogger merry said...

Zainab - i think i might try that!!!!!!


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