Saturday, January 28, 2006

Can't think

my brain is fuzzy and well, it's doing my head in! Just to give you a small example of how hard getting myself understood is these days I'll give you a small snippet of things I have said or written which had to be thought about slowly and re-written and said. (Then thought about and re-written and said again).

Example 1:

They big a dig hole. Go near it fall in. big is very hard so don't spike yourself.

Should read:

They dug a big hole. Don't go near it you might fall in. The hole is very big so don't hurt yourself.

Example 2:

Prop your hands on the propeller.

Should read:

Wipe your hands on the towel.

Example 3:

Doctors. Go to thing. Letter. Go to big doctor in the thing. Top doctor.

gives up at this point after trying to tell someone this:

I went to my doctor and they gave me a referral to see a specialist at the hospital.

That was just too many new and unusual words for me to bother with. Fortunately I was talking to somebody else who had suffered from labyrinthitis and they understood perfectly what I was saying. It was possibly the best conversation I had had in a long time - actually being understood without having to burst too many blood vessels in the process.

Yes it is funny if you don't have to live my life.

On top of that (just wrote 'In yop of this') I have problems with typos now which I didn't before, and grammar is really really difficult for me sometimes. Negatives just get left out of the sentence (if and when I actually form one) and I sometimes mean the exact opposite of what I said. Word order means absolutely nothing to me - it's like being Russian. This is actually infuriating. I have given up trying to make myself understood properly and apologising to people by not explaining myself properly. I need a T-Shirt with somekind of warning on it: This brunette is really a deep blonde or warning! everything I say is not what it seems! or do the opposite of what I say if you want to live

In light of this new and unusual brain my friend has sent me a poem which I'd like to share. She cares deeply, you see. It is actually about senility (so I'll send it back sometime) but applies to pregnant women, women with newborns, and people with labyrinthitis too. Enjoy:

Dear Friend:

Just a line to say I'm living,
That I'm not among the dead,
Though I'm getting more forgetful
And mixed up in my head.

I've got used to my arthritis,
To my dentures I'm resigned,
I can manage my bi-focals
But, ye gads, I miss my mind.

Sometimes I can't remember
When I'm standing by the stair,
If I should go up for something
Or I've just come down from there.

And before the fridge so often
My mind is filled with doubt;
Now, did I just put something in
Or come to take it out?

If it's not my turn to write, dear,
I hope you won't get sore,
I may think that I have written
And don't want to be a bore.

As I stood before the post box
My face, it sure went red -
Instead of posting this to you
I opened it instead.


At 7:15 pm, Blogger sanika said...

Salaam , i have come across a similar poem before sums it all up really !.Trust me it will get easier....i am dyslexic & sometimes i cannot string a sentance together & also get annoyed with endless typos & not understanding spellcheck when it corrects words i thought were fine!.Also haveing PTSD can make my brain completely blank sometimes...scarily so & i end up making an idiot of myself or coming across all wrong & then unable to grasp the words to explain.I will make Du'as for you.


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