Tuesday, April 11, 2006


Yeah I thought that would get a few of you running. And who could blame you. Been on my mind a lot lately for obvious reasons.

Went to Drs today and got more happy pills. Nurse said hi and hows the kid from yesterday doing. Thought that was nice of her to ask seeing as she wasn't even the one dealing with him. Went into town and bought Boss some books - an atlas, which we just don't have in the house *hangs head in home schooling shame*, an atlas with flags and stickers, and two 3D animal books - one of deep sea stuff and another of snakes. Bought Jaws a humming top from ELC. Brought back a lot of memories from my childhood and was an instant hit all round.

Boss mooched in his PJs all day. We played LW&W again with Papo knights, pine cones and clothes pegs (wooden, of course! :P) and tried to watch a Killer Whale DVD which didn't play - bummed out about that. DH went to our neighbour's funeral. I feel really sad about his sudden death as he was such a fixture and fitting of this area and it was all so sudden and now he's gone. We weren't close but we did chat and say hi etc. DH got on better with him. It's like a part of a scenery is missing. One minute he's there and now he isn't. One minute he's sitting with his dog watching the world go by. And then it went by and he's just around.

Heard about another death today which was sudden and saddening. I think most Muslim readers know who I am talking about. May Allah grant her Jannah. Amin.

And death seems everywhere with sickness and weird dreams about MIL dying and people popping their clogs all over the place. Sorry, Elderfairy if you've made it this far I didn't want to talk about all this for your sake, but I need to waffle a bit about it so stop reading now.

You are such a masochist. I said NOW.

I know she is still reading this. Sigh.

Oh well.

We all fear death. Its the end of life as we know it. The ego perceives the threat of death many other times too when it sees itself facing change or destruction which is why many life-changing events can cause panic and anxiety. We deal with death in many ways the most obvious way is by ignoring it and absolutely refusing to deal with it. This is neurotic. Some people do this by drowning out thoughts of it altogether with noise and activity, others through "living the moment" and indulging in hedonism - either way the effect is the same - it's sticking the fingers in the metaphorical ears and going LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU. Both throw themselves further into *this* life rather than contemlating the end of it.

You know they did studies I think in America which asked a group of people to give up noise for a while - no TV, no radio, no music, no background noise, and 80% of the group developed severe anxiety. I know people who have to have the TV on even though they don't watch it because they can't stand the silence. Well, why? It's because they need to distract themselves constantly - from reality, their fears, worries etc. We've all been there.
The other way is to pretend death is a good thing - hey, can't WAIT - we'll be dancing in the sunlight with fairies and seeing all the people we love and it'll be ace. I don't really buy that, but it keeps people sane.

You know, we are all on a boat and it's sinking except we don't know it, or see it or want to believe it. We are on a plane and it's seconds away from ploughing into the ground. We are on an elevator and the cable is about to snap. We are on a train and we have only a minute to say our goodbyes before it's derailed. When we are born our head is placed on the executioner's block, his axe is raised and the time it takes for him to drop his axe on our necks is what we call "life". Every one of our breathes takes us further from the world and closer to our graves. Each second that passes, each bat of an eyelid is one flutter nearer to the grave, never to be returned, never to be repeated.

The Islamic view is that God created life and death as a test and as a learning ground. We experience here what can only be known through living then we leave this realm of learning never to return. We believe in heaven (whatever it is) and hell (whatever it is), two polar extremes of existence, one encapsulates all that is good whilst one encapsulates all that is not-good. However you understand that. Whatever that means. And we have to end up in one of them.

Spiritually no dross can enter a realm of purity and life is meant really to be a place where we purify the Self - reign in the ego and live lives worthy of noble creatures. Base elements cannot fly, so to speak. They weigh us down, so to speak. This life, from an Islamic position is our capital with The Reality ("god"), whereby we have a chance to refine the Self or fail in that task. And many of us are taken before we begin that task.

And the reason I'm writing all this is because I have been feeling the nearness of death lately. I mean, it's always there, but so far I have been numb to it. And now it's just everywhere and "life" is so bizarre - most of what we do from an eternal viewpoint is just such a waste of precious time. And we aren't here to "live the moment" and "enjoy life", but to refine the Self and live a life worth living. "Your soul" as the saying goes, "is a precious commodity equal only to the price of heaven. Sell it only at that price".

And I have sold mine for such a lousy profit.

I suppose normal service might resume sometime.


At 9:49 pm, Blogger Elder Faery said...

I love it. Thanks for the post. Just what I needed. Standing ovation..you can do more of that.(why did you think I wouldn't need to read it?)

At 2:19 am, Blogger R said...

whoah I am glad you are taking happy pills. I love mine. :)

At 10:39 am, Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

Good post. Makes me think - which is unusual in itself.

I'm a 'LA LA LA can't hear you' kinda bloke meself.

At 4:02 pm, Blogger dawniy said...

good job I'm on happy pills too - we're in much the same kinda boat, I don't like people dying - we're having to think about it at the mo .


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