Below the navel

People who dont like pyschobabble switch off now.


OK so want to read this, fair enough.




Defense mechanisms: are usefeul when they ensure the survival of the Self (either biological or psychological) and are only problematic when they are out-dated, unnecessary or feed into a neurosis.

Over-compensation: people with under-developed characteristics sometimes tend to over-compensate by being a total opposite of what they really are to safeguard themselves.

My defense mechanisms, which I have only just become fully aware of after being made to think about this deeply today:

I attack before being attacked, as the best form of defense *is* attack in terms of military strategy. Given my size you would have thought this would have meant having the crap beaten out of me on several occasions, but I have learned in the playground otherwise. The louder you shout and the more aggressive you seem the *less* likely yo are to spark a real confrontation.

A second defense mechanism is that I am aggressive. I have had to 'fight' to be given any room to be who I am; as such, I have developed a huge chip on my shoulder which cannot distinguish, unless I sit down and behave rationally, between kindly *normal* conversation and personal attack and I can act in a split second defensively by aggreessively standing my ground and taking things personally. In a lot of ways I am like a wounded animal who is backed into a corner. For many years this stood me in good stead - it stopped me being suffocated and erased by oppressive forces, but after years of having this sting I am finding it hard to undo.

My over-compensations - I am a weepy softy who blubbers like a girl at anything. I am naive in a lot of ways and I see the good in absolutely everybody. Internally I am like a child. Obviously this is not good. I over-compensate by detaching myself from others at an emotional level, or even at the physical level. I am aloof. I can be scathing. I can be off-hand and cold. I can take criticism but I just cannot take kindness and pity and concern. How odd. Why. Because it makes me cry. And I dont want to cry so I keep people at arms length. Why dont I want to cry? Because whenever you do or whenever I have you are labelled weak and an idiot. So I suppose over-compensation is just another defense mechanism.



So that's some things I have thought about today.



Now what to do about it all.