Saturday, February 11, 2006

Spent most of my day

saying "no". A LOT. I really don't understand my son. Well, yeah I do but the hard reality is that he can be impulsive and hard-headed and stubborn. Most of the time he is a pussy cat but today he tried to take his Dad on and he has shown too much temper for my liking.

I don't know.

On the one hand I would like to have a child I can educate and take to all the educational things and events - get involved in HEing properly, and on the other hand I know that for a long, long time these things just aren't open to him fully. He needs open space, rhythm, simple open-ended tasks which involve no fiddly bits and sit down concentration. He needs no distractions if he is to do something for longer than two minutes. Because really what he wants more than air to breathe is an assing-about bunch of maniacs like himself to wrestle and test his boundaries with.

And on the one hand I want to put my hands up and say "OK, roam free - explore your nutter side", and on the other, I so dearly want him socialised so that we can access all the things that other children access and appreciate and get involved in.

This sounds dramatic, but for example I have been looking at the piccies on other peoples' blogs about recreating the Henri Rousseau painting, and it looks like such a fulfilling and rewarding exercise - all pitching in together to make a work of art, but all I can think when I see this is - how did they get the kids to sit still long enough to DO that, how did they MAKE them do it???

And of course the answer is - the kids wanted to do it and enjoyed the workshop. For us that would have been a few hours of me screaching "Stop it! Put it down! Don't pull her hair! Say sorry".

I get bored with that.

I like circle times. When we do them. I like getting out into a big enough space to let out steam (which, incidently doesn't let all his steam out - he still has PLENTY left at the end of the day). I like our play now - it's very good masha'allah. But I am itching to do more...

When do they have ADHD, and when is it just being a boy??

16 Comments:

At 8:35 pm, Blogger Jax said...

could some of it be to do with being a 4 year old boy? Not so much of the boy and a bit more of the 4? Although I will comment that my 2 1/2 year old boy is *nothing* like his sister was at that age - she didn't *bounce* in the same way that he does.

Good to have you on the ring - thanks for moving the ring code.

 
At 8:37 pm, Blogger Elder Faery said...

LOVE that you are on the ring. Have been reading your blogg before hand and found it very stretching. Reading your blogg is like having icy spring water suddenly thrown in your face, it's (scuze the cheese) 'refreshing' with a warm, slightly surprised glow afterwards. This was Compliment #1. Do expect others. I will follow your blogg with avid interest.

 
At 9:59 pm, Blogger Hannah said...

erh, dunno. Ask someone with older boys.

All I can think is if he has it, it will become more evident with age. i.e. behaviour that can be common in 4 year old boys and isn't in 8 year old boys?
I know you don't do sugary snacks etc so I'm guessing diet doesn't play a part. And I think that hyperactivity isn't necessarily ADHD. You'll have to do a bit of research and see which cap fits. I really don't think a G.P will have any suggestions that you can't find out by asking people who have been through it.

 
At 10:03 am, Blogger 4 girls and 3 boys said...

Hum I have ADHD boy and he sounds a lot like Boss. My lad does other stuff tho - like indelible pen on walls. He can't sit still - ever- and sleeps for 3 hours a night. ( if I am lucky). Welcome to the blog ring. We did the Rousseau art thing but the kids were much older.

 
At 11:14 am, Blogger Qalballah said...

Wow compliments and stuff! Can't handle that ;-)

Well, Boss *does* sleep masha'allah. So it can't be ADHD then. Just being a boy then?? Although mine can't sit still unless he's plugged into his leappad - and then its not for long.... *shrugs*

 
At 12:45 pm, Blogger Hannah said...

I have to say though, Isabella had a lot of boy friends born the same year as her and I never knew anything of this 'boys are hyperactive nightmare' business. The boys she knew of her age were, on the most part calmer than her and still are. Friends I know who have girls as the older siblings and then younger boys say it is the boys who are easier children.

I don't think it's gender specific behaviour, I think it's more personality type.

 
At 1:02 pm, Blogger sanika said...

he is ONLY 4 !.My dd would not have sat down 7 done the rosseu workshop at 4 , however i always took her to such events with an alternative activity & sometimes she joined in the main activity for short while & sometimes not ...what she learnt was how the other children behaved & in time she saw that it was fun to join in & she just progressed from there.Sitting down & her did NOT go together till she was nearly 7!.She still will only settle down to a piece of written work for a short time (15 mins MAX)but will spend hours at an art/craft/outdoors activity.So Boss is probably more suited to physical activities....try the bowling/ice skating meets etc.

 
At 1:44 pm, Blogger Allie said...

I too have known lots of kids of four who really hated sitting still. At our HE group we always have opportunities for people to rampage about and no pressure to do 'sitting down' things at all. When I used to help out in a reception classroom some of the poor little things used to tie themselves in knots, squirming around, trying to control their urge to move. Lots of physical energy is normal in young animals isn't it? Kittens are always crazy little things - never still.

Our dd has always had boundless energy - clambers up door frames and banisters for relaxation - and she is nearly nine. I think some people are just like that. When she was a toddler we used to take her to run in the park in the driving rain - it was either that or she just never slept!

 
At 2:46 pm, Blogger Qalballah said...

Well without the benefit of hindsight and any older children I am relying on people with older kids to tell me its normal. I am glad it is. Bouncy kids seem to be frowned upon in this society who seem to view the ability to sit still for six hours at a desk as something enviable.

Yes I thought taking him to show how other kids did it might rub off but actually I think he just annoys other kids and disrupts their concentration, so that's not really an option either.

Yes he is a physical animal for sure. I just want him well-rounded and be able to join in *if he chooses* rather than be led by this innane urge to bound about.

He is better than he used to be, so perhaps there may be a time he will calm down insha'allah.

Getting him to sit and draw is useless - he can't be bothered with it. His drawing ability is chronic and as such many tasks that require some form of written/drawing/craft element are ruled out too.

Oh well, if the LEA ever pins me down and asks what my educational action plan is I'll have to tell them - letting him run in open space til he's nine???

 
At 3:44 pm, Blogger Hannah said...

I think running around not wanting to sit still is common, all children have it at some point in varying degrees. It's when they are hurting other children that it stops being socially acceptable.

 
At 3:56 pm, Blogger sanika said...

At the ferry meadows meet-ups there is a large group of the children who choose to run around together outside & choose not to join in the activity & it is accepted as the norm.Do please come along & try it for a few sessions,everyone is so friendly & accomodating & it is nice social time.Also after the activity most people go down to the play area & have lunch so more time for rough & tumble type play!.From experience most children at some point choose to join in...the beauty of it is that they do so at their own time & not according to a school timetable.It is ( in my opinion) very important that H-E children get the chance to socialise with other H-E children & not just with school/nursery/playgroup children, so that they don't feel the odd ones.The socialisation is so different from school..all ages & abilities mixing together & no bullying etc.My feeling is that you are worrying too much.....alot of people ( myself included) have been there & it does pass.

 
At 4:15 pm, Blogger dottyspots said...

Having older boys (that spent their earlier years running manically around) it could well be that he is 4. That said, both of my elder two are dx. on the autistic spectrum - but I still think that a part of that is because society likes to bash square pegs into round holes (and Erk has really calmed down and doesn't climb lamp posts and cars anymore).

Anyway, it's lovely to see you on the blogring :0)

And thanks for the link!

 
At 4:34 pm, Blogger milkmumma said...

from the waldorf perspective he shouldn't be xpected to sit for a long while yet, unless he does it of his own accord.

from an unschooling perspective the weaving could be viewed as stifling their creativity. maybe each child would be drawn to a different artist, would prefer to draw, paint, etc instead of weaving......

from a hormonal perspective he is four and having a HUGE SURGE of testosterone

from an islamic perspective he still needs good adab

from a waldorf persepctive (again) it is through example,( and we so so so underestimate this, really, really deeply), that he will be guided through this phase.

from a mother perspective. i have NO IDEA, but it changes, eh! they do not stay the same for ever. embrace his loveliness and enjoy his company!

if he had a problem it would be likely that you would have a big hunch that something is not right. if you have, then maybe there is something that needs to be looked into. i will *never* tell you it's because you are tired again. wink.

got lots more ideas from the waldorf perspective.lol...

 
At 5:35 pm, Blogger Qalballah said...

yeah I do worry, but thats because although he has a good heart is just HURTS people by accident non-stop. even himself! Honestly, he can walk into a room with nothing in it and hurt himself. The other day we were walking down a path and he said "Ouch!" 'what have you done?' "I hurt myself" *looks around and sees NOTHING to hurt oneself on, 'How???', "I bite myself".

Its not really him, its reactions from others that i dread. although I do find him tiring sometimes. Its easier if they have a label - people can then nod their head and go "oh, right yes I see"... I just have to say sorry a lot.

And now I see the beginings of another nutter in the making with Jaws. *shriek!*

 
At 6:20 pm, Blogger Qalballah said...

To dotty just for you ;-)

 
At 9:14 pm, Blogger dottyspots said...

That's wonderful! It is a great toy - ours gets lots of use too - it can also make good caves/houses for toy animals, etc. (as Nin likes them for).

 

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