Went supermarket shopping. Bitched all round the shop. Came home. Smashed wing mirror on garden gate as DH had turned up and I was busy saying "Oh Look - Daddy's here *thwack*". Had a major mood swing and made an appointment to see GP. Read some LW&W.
The end.
posted by Unknown @ 8:19 pm
5 comments
Diary
5 Comments:
Daddy's fault...
About the appt. at gp's..we really have to talk..there is another way..believe me..I've been there..anyways, you are a beautiful inspiring mother (please don't puke) just seems to me you have abit of tension stored from (could it be?) way back when. Also, I want to know..are you eating enough spinach..sounds ridiculous..but sometimes it just takes a good bit of iron rich greens in the food you eat..gosh, don't I sound patronising..I don't mean to..I just care, rather a lot.
xxx
Hi, no I don't have any tension. Cognitively I am fine and happy. I am suffering from post natal depression. Before I had this the most depressed I ever had been was simply moody and low and teary. I also thought that this could be handled with vitamins, prayers and maybe St. Johns Wort. That made me continue for seven long months unnecessarily suffering when I could have got help. I know diet plays a part and yes I think I should eat better, but I am not tense. I have no issues. It isn't pyschological. I am experiencing clinical depression. My head is not under my control. I am having mood swings which is affecting my family in a big way. Before I started taking the ADs I didn't think I was depressed - I thought Iwas just dizzy and ill and experiencing migraines because of some other reason. I have been incapacitated with this post natal illness. I couldn't think. I had brain fog. I walked into walls. I couldn't walk unaided. It feels like someone is pressing buttons in my head and sticking their fingers in my brain. Once I saw what ADs are capable of I realised that there is no difference between having a broken leg and having PND - one is socially acceptable, "seeable" and you get help, the other is a social disgrace, one can't see and one which people think you should be able to pull yourself out of. Such is publica awareness of mental illness.
I just say all this in case others with depression are reading it and think they should treat ADs as some kind of evil. ADs work just like any other medicine. Why suffer and hope for the best when you can get help and begin living again?
I think I need to eat better and take more exercise. I am sure that really does help. But I need stronger ADs because I can't go on being this loopy. I am functional now alhamdulillah, but I want to be healed fully.
Thankyou for your concern, I don't see it as patronising at all. I know you have a very good heart and am touched by your concern.
xxx
I had post natal depression after Willow and when he was about a year old I went on prozak. It was like a miracle for me..I just thought...all this time..all this time wasted being depressed and I could have felt this good. It really helped me manage everything. I was high as a kite (I am very sensitive to drugs and medication) but it also manged the depression really well. It was an emergency and if I hadn't of taken it I don't know what would have happened. It gave me some space.
It is important to be open about depression espesh PND. The best thing about the prozak for me was that it meant that I didn't have to use all my energy managing my depression and rages..suddenly, through the heady veil of prozak I could see what I needed to do to make my life better. Which in my case meant leaving a totally unsupportive husband who didn't give a toss about the kids or me.
Problem was, life wasn't so easy immediately after medication....and I too found I had to take higher and higher doses and stronger forms until one day I just had to go cold turkey. AD's are generally highly toxic it's really commen to have to take downers with them to counteract the side effects...I'm just saying that so you know..there has to be an alternative longer term.
In some way ad's delay the crash..but the crash will come unless you get other support as well. I KNOW it is corny, but a day or a night off from your babes a week is totally vital to your recovery process. You give a lot. There has to be space for you to stop and breathe. I'm not against ad's...and I didn't know you had post natal depression. Whatever your challenges it's obvious that you are extremely bright and talented and loving and that you don't take any bull from anyone (very admirable quality!).
The fact is I can't function on any level without them. I am not emotional, although mood swings were the last noticeable symptom - I am literally ill. I can't walk or even raise my head, I can't read to the kids, I can't move my arms. I literally cannot move without ADs. And if that means I have to be on them the rest of my life I am happy with that scenario because without them I can't function on any level. My DH is very supportive - he watches the baby for an hour and half at night so I have breathing space. He's not abusive in any sense. I have no issues, I'm just ill to my very centre. It's like having brain damage.
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