Monday, February 28, 2005


In case anyone wants an update I'm still feeling like hell. If I had been single with no ties (nearly wrote 'toes' oo-er) today would have been the day I just closed my eyes and not move. But of course those simple pleasures are for men and kids. And poor Boss. He so desperately tried to make me happy and be compliant, but I was soooooo weepy. He kept saying "Don't cry Mummy, I love you, I help you". I'm such a cow. *Sigh*

Anyway, Hubby came home much later than he usually does, so I was stretched to breaking point and when he walked in the door he was greeted with me crying. Brave little soldier battled on without me and kept Boss amused. But then, you know, I *had* to move - Boss was clearly starving, needed the loo, the plates had food on them we all suffered: me because I ached and them because they are so clueless without me that their happy routine and foundation was a little shaken. Now should that make me feel *important* or should it make me feel bound? Too ill to decide.

Right - vent spleen, vent spleen, vent spleen. The Oscars... grrr ... all these people do is play 'let's pretend' and 'dressing up', someone puts words in their mouth and they say them. Very good. Well done. Then once a year we are treated to this media onslaught which simply saturates the face to look at it all, which attempts to make Klingon lookalikes into avatars. Hillary Swank. Should there be an apostrophe in that? Who cares. But you know the scary thing is that people of a less balanced disposition and kids who are emotionally unready to accept that adults can be anything less than gods, are really taken in by this crap - they revere these people.

You know once I was reading a story in a modern day Sufi book and these mureeds of a Sufi went to an Indian village where they were told dwells are real-life living god. So off they went. And when they found him they saw that people did indeed revere him and treat him as a god and he made all the right sounds in return. They talked to him and after a while they made him realise that he couldn't be God so why did he say he was? He replied, 'All my life since I was a child everyone has told me I am so I believed them'.

Materialism is the new religion isn't it?

Woe is me!

Well the good news is he didn't puke during the night! Bonus. The bad news is he still has snot. The even worse news is that so do I now - I feel like death warmed up, hardly slept all night am completely crabbier than I usually am and my poor boy who needs some TLC from his Mummy is getting Godzilla. On speed.

Usually I would just dope myself up with Lemsip and co-codomol but seeing as that isn't an option any more I will just have to inflict my misery on my undeserving family instead.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

...Puppies and Kittens all tied up in string...

...these are a few of Boss' favourite things...

Now I know all y'all think I need to get out more...

Oh dear

...just before bedtime Boss puked. Then fell over a lot. Please make du'a/supplicate for him - I hate it when he's ill...

This blog

...isn't really educational at all is it. I mean, it hasn't really been "education" or "Home-Education" related - this is just the place I vent my spleen at everything and everyone. Feels good :D Well done H.O. for this brain-saving idea - I no longer have to waffle these things to my husband anymore, and he can now stop pretending to listen and understand me. Hurrah! Two happy bunnies :)

Anyway, as such I suppose this means I may talk about Islam a lot, so if this offends/bores anyone, then you know, tough.

OK Sarah asked for a run down on some verbage that is common Muslim parlance and may leave some people going "eh??". Maybe when/if I have time I'll add a glossary to the right somewhere...

Insha'allah = "if God wills" and there's the idea that there is no might or power except in and from God; He is the best of Planners and whatever we plan and hope for can never find fulfilment unless Allah has so willed it. So when we say that we are really just acknowledging our poverty before His Richness - it is a form of humility and giving all due credit to our creator.

Masha'allah = Lit. "What God wants", the idea being that Allah has brought this into being and it is good and never could we have found or wrought this goodness by ourselves. It is a gift and by honouring the One who gave us it by uttering this "rememberance" of Him then we also "protect" it, since we have brought God's name to bear over it. There is a verse in the Qur'an that whoso remembers Allah, Allah will also remember him, and he who forgets Allah, Allah leaves to wander without protection or help.

I'll add more later. Boss and Hubby are getting louder and louder in a "get here now" major hint mode. Any longer up here and I will detect a "nose out of joint" odour wafting about...

Boss quote of the day...

...*covers himself up with a blanket and runs off screaming:* "Where am I?? I've lost myself!"

Then as we were reading a Thomas the Tank Engine book he informed me that Gordon (his favourite engine) should have a cup of tea as well and he should sit down on his bottom, *pointing* there is Gordon's bottom, Gordon wants to do hand-stands soon.



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Saturday, February 26, 2005


... to the left of us! Snot to the right of us! I feel as though "The Charge of the Light Brigade" should have been background music today (incidently, that is what my father used to call the Electricity Bill...)

Woke up today to *have* to get Boss out of bed (it was 9:40am and he *did* goto bed at 6pm masha'allah) - then realised why: he's bunged up. Again. Or rather he isn't bunged up - he's very runny and explosive. Oh well, a hot bath and Vicks it is then. You know, Vicks on the forehead is great for a head-cold...

Anyway, got some other things from Amazon today. Gosh I *am* a little spend-thrift, aren't I. I don't actually spend a lot of money (simply for logistical reasons *ahem*), but when I decide to buy then it happens in blocks.

Today we got two books for his LeapPad, which I bought from Boots on all points (yes, ALL ON POINTS, plus a Lego tractor-trailer, a Lego Bin Lorry, and I *still* have some points left too masha'allah!) I have no idea how I managed to accumulate so many points but the fact is I want them spent by the time No2 arrives in June (insha'allah) - that way I can start again and split it among them both fairly and evenly. Just seems a little off to buy all of Boss' stuff only for someone else to get all the bonuses... so I got a LeapPad. The idea was it is "educational" and will grow with him insha'allah, much more so than the five-minute wonder toys which are left to go yellow in the corner.

Anyway, I wouldn't have *bought* a LeapPad as a) I couldn't have afforded it and b) I wasn't at all convinced that you especially *need* one. It's amazing though how children learn indirectly by plodding about with buttons etc. I bought him a "Qur'an computer" last year and masha'allah he has picked up quite a lot. Much more than I could ever teach him.

So we got two new books and like the little man he is masha'allah, he proudly, and importantly, changes the books and cartridges himself and puts the unused book on the shelf "where I can reach". Aw.

Books: I have come to the conclusion that books are amazing. I never liked them much myself, though, and I think after taking my education to post-grad level books just phase and bore me rigid. I hate them. Actually if I'm honest I'm frightened of them. I palpatate at the thought of *having* to read one. I have a fair few of them though, but I'm not a bookworm.
I was reading a statistic from America a while ago that the number of adults reading for recreation had dropped to an all-time low of 40% of the literate population. Which may be terrific news for the power-freaks in government WE ARE ALL SHEEP NOW, but not so great for personal development, enlightenment and self-actualisation.
But books are amazing and I've learned this simply through being with Boss. He can't get enough of them. Even ones over his head. Does it phase him that he doesn't know some of the words?? No - he wants more. More more more. More stories, more facts, more big words. About anything.

You know it's interesting that children go through this stage - they just go through an insatiable lust for words and if I remember rightly the WTMind actually encourages stuffing (OK not their phrase) as many words in as the child can pick up for later use, simply because this is a window of opportunity that never opens ever again. Children want a name for everything - for every shade of blue, for every nuance that exists. And linguistically nouns, or "names", are essential for higher thinking. Modern thought on philosophy and sociology of knowledge is that all knowledge and intelligence is based on language acquisition, the primary basics of language being nouns – names. In fact, before we can think we actually have to know the names of things. Through this noun-acquisition thought develops as an emergent property. So for example, to be able to even think, “this table is brown” you first need to have a noun and a concept of ‘brown’ and of ‘table’ – ‘is-ness’ being perhaps slightly more contentious; some saying it denotes predicate whilst yet others say it is simply tautologous. Nevertheless, it is interesting to note that in every case where language development is stunted or non-existent (and by language this means noun-acquisition) that IQ is unusually low. Children who have been neglected and raised by animals (a classic example being a case in Germany in the 1970s whereby a toddler was found to be neglected by parents and being tended to by a German sheepdog), or in societies which need very little language to get by, it has been proven that these people have limited intellectual capacities – unable to grasp or extend thinking laterally and viscerally, and this effect is permanent if not rectified before language become solidified in the human child (around the age of six). Once past the age of puberty (where language is extremely difficult to acquire) the IQ is virtually non-negotiable; the window of opportunity being completely lost.

So noun acquisition is *the* most important block on the staircase to thinking, intelligence and ergo, ultimately, self-actualisation. Without nouns/names higher development, both intellectually and spiritually, is impossible.

I was thinking also that this is another breathe-taking example whereby the Qur’an proves its validity aeons before man had the capacity to understand the depth of this statement. It quite clearly states that Allah taught Adam the names of things – the nouns of things. It is quite specific on this point. It does not say Allah gave Adam some knowledge, no. It specifically states that Adam was taught nouns – the building blocks to intelligent life. Allah did not give this ability to know the "names" of things to anything else that He created. The angels do not have this capacity, for example.

"Then Allah turned to the angels and said tell me the names of these things if you speak the Truth, and they replied, “Glory be to You, of knowledge we have none except as that which Thou bestows on us!”"

So, the keynote in our relationship with Allah is one of knowledge, obedience yes, but knowledge as well. Islam’s stance on knowledge is very high – in the battle against our lower selves we first must know what Allah’s orders are thereafter being vigilant against the lowest urgings of our animal appetites with tools of intelligence and self-discipline over one’s passions.

And it all begins at this age when we give our children the "Names of things" - what a responsibility. In Islam, and in classical Arabic, language is seen as a sacred thing - orality is seen as the bedrock of civilisation and dignified living. And traditionally it has always been the Mother who instills this civility and bedrock of civilisation - in English we have our "mother" tongue, and in Arabic we have an "ummah" or community, based on the word "Umm" which means "Mother". And, of course, Qur'an literally means "recitation" - it is the ultimate in oral tradition. It was never meant to be taken as a "book", but literally something to be recited, read, spoken. Hamza Yusuf did a talk on this once, if I find a tape I'll try to recap the main points sometime insha'allah.

But its another reason why we shouldn't fail or warp our children with uncouth speach - the speach actually affects our mentation, it affects very much our thinking capacity and intelligence, and ultimately the very fabric of our spiritual life and relationship with our Creator. That is a weighty burden and one which I pray I (and anybody reading this) can live up to in the best manner. We owe it to our kids to give them the best start; we all know that means to give them the best physical sustainance, but how many people stop to think of the spiritual bread and butter we are setting them up with for life?

So. More books it is then.

They f*** you up your Mum and Dad, they may not mean to, but they do...

... I once used to hold Philip Larkin in great estimation because of that one line. I used to nod my head in hearty agreement at the profundity of this poem which is both simple yet eloquent at one and the same time.

Now I think Philip Larkin needed to get out more, have ten kids, and see it from the other side, because that very line makes me shake to my very toe-nails...especially when, if you are anything like me, you have the capacity to ruin a perfectly pleasant day three seconds (literally three seconds) before lights out and have your content little snuffler, all Vicks and Karvol, crying his eyes out in a painful and neurotic state. Who was it that wrote 'I know two things will happen at my death - one is I will regret everything I have ever done, and the second is I will wish I could live my life all over again'. Well, baby, I'm already there...

The capacity to ruin my child's life becomes readily apparent when I'm at my most hormonal, but it by no means ends there. Oh no. I have the equal talent of screwing it up at other times as well. Baaaaaaaaaaaad mummy.

Thank God (you said GOD you said dat...sorry) that there is such a thing as repentence. You know I really don't know how people without religion (and I used to be one of them) cope. The burden of living is too great and it's only because I know Allah is "the merciful, the mercy-giving", the One who does not expect perfection but is the "hand-hold that will never fail", the One who "forgives again and again", that I don't go stark raving loony with guilt. A true repentence is like a new beginning and its such a healing feeling (did I just invent a Country & Western song title there? I COPYRIGHT THAT RIGHT NOW!!). Tomorrow is another day and I can only make intention to try harder... *sighs in a self-induced-semi-hormonal-self-pity*

Actually, this reminds me of a comedy sketch I once saw in which they were "doing" Oprah Winfrey. All the actors had really annoying nasally American whines to them and the girl who was on the "show" was complaining about her mother, how bad she was, how she had left her unable to cope in the real world, how traumatised she was etc. because of her mother. So they wheel the mother on and the mother says, "I can't believe you're saying all this - I gave you everything, I took care of your physical and pyschological needs. I made sure you were well looked-after, loved and appreciated and your father and I respect and love you very much", to which her daughter replied, "Exactly! And because of that - because of YOU I have no one to blame for my inadequacies and failures! Do you know how that makes me *feel*?!"....
... ...

I actually read one paragraph of an auto-biography in Waterstones once (and promptly threw the book done with a hearty "puh-lease!") that read the author was on Prozac and prone to depression because of her mother - her mother had made her so happy and content as a child that she now felt unable to equal that love and attention and "perfection" that she received as a child and as such, felt like an eternal failure. Uh!

So, I guess what I'm saying is: you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

Larkin *was* right.

Damn it all!!

Husband quote of the day...

"I was dreaming of the name 'Zainab' last night, if it's a girl". "Right". "But it probably wasn't a 'true' dream or anything. I think it was because we were talking about names before we went to sleep".....", dear husband, *WHAT* conversation was that - we barely uttered two syllables to each other all day, and one of mine was 'off'?!?". "The conversation we had in my head."

Now you know why I ignore him.


I've had more emails due to this blog redirected my comments than I've had in the last three months. Had sad am I. I'm sure I would have more emails if my Mum was computer literate, of course. But we are just glad that she knows how to use the telephone, bless her....

Friday, February 25, 2005

OK real blog: Swearing

Now as many of you may know swearing used to be one of my favourite recreational activities. Amazingly after giving birth to Boss and gazing at his sweet, innocent face, all desire to swear instantly left me and I felt I owed it to him not to warp him with ugly speach. In this category I include "soft" swear words like "bloody", "Bleeding" "blimey" (which someone's mother once told me 'its like asking God to 'blind me', so taking no chances there) "Sod" and the like. Yes I *do* feel a bit prim sometimes, but its necessary.

What I really dislike, therefore, is to have *other* people swear in front of him instead. My parents can't seem to stop themselves and YES I DO CONSIDER "BLOODY" AND "HELL" AND "SWEET" AND "JESUS" USED IN THE SAME SENTENCE AS SWEARING ACTUALLY.
I have told them several times and perhaps it is getting better (?) but I just wish people would take this seriously!!

I really dislike it when I am in town and complete strangers swear - I can't even tell them off!!

Anyway, one of my "mistakes" is that I sometimes say "God!!" in an exasperated manner and I have told Boss that actually we should say "gosh" or "goodness" when saying something, so everytime I utter this GOD phrase I get a good telling-off. "You said "God"... you said dat. You said "God".... OK OK Jeez... I mean, goodness, OK I am sorry - astaghfirullah. *Satisfied Boss*

[I also call him an idiot and a plonker when I am at my wits end which I really hate in myself - its so abusive and lacking respect. I am making a concerted effort to not use language in that way - especially now he walks round in a sing-song voice saying, "I a little plonker! You little plonker" *sobs*]

Anyway, the other day me, Boss and Hubby were out in the car and Hubby was about to pull out into an on-coming vehicle to his left-side (meaning impact with Boss) when instead of reciting shahada (as I usually do when in distress or shocked) I screamed O MY GOD STOP!!!!

*Screaching brakes. Shaken Hubby. No harm done*

To which I am treated with an indignant look from Boss and "You said "God"... you said dat. You said "God", you said dat".

Why do children have to be so literal?? I WAS SUPPLICATING NOT SWEARING.

Must make a mental note to teach Boss that God and Allah mean the same thing. *sigh*

Good night.


Classic one-liner...

My friend was working as a waitress in a Lakeside hotel and one couple were having a hell of a time with their young kids who, it was obvious to all, were really playing up to the audience and having the time of their life embarrassing their parents with their table manners, loudness and showing-off. The mother must have kicked her daughter under the table (after half an hour of hell) as the child screamed, "WHY?! WHY DID YOU JUST KICK ME THEN?!" - the poor woman's attempt at diffusing the situation by non-confrontational, sensationalist means (after the dead-eye tactic backfired with a "MUMMY, ARE YOUR EYES ALRIGHT?" quip) were quashed and my friend (who was serving them at the time) said the woman sat up and said, "OK I've had e-bleedin-nuff of this - this stops NOW", followed by a sound slap to the top of the oik's thigh.
A German woman at the next table immediately threw down her knife and fork in disgust and said sternly, "Madam, this behaviour is terrible. In Germany we do not slap our children!".... and here is the one-liner ... the other's woman's husband stood up and said, "And in Britain we don't gas Jews, so why don't you mind your own business!?".


These people

... have *way* too much time on their hands....

It seems to be a universal truth

... that a really nice day *must* be followed by an extra bad one. Or at least that's the way it seems to me. Tried not to let it affect the way I deal with Boss and so far the day hasn't seemed too bad, but perhaps that's because we have been walking all morning in town. Which was good until I found out I had my skirt on inside-out. Yes, it's one of *those* days. Moral to this story: wear your jilbab, Debbie.

Anyway, got some books from Amazon today - that science book H.O. recommended and a Charlotte Mason one. Not really up to reading - I am looking for the ultimate HE book - the one that plans your life for you up to the age of 18 of your kid's education would be nice. *SIGH*

Salt thing - yes insha'allah will post the recipe later - you could just use salt but for some reason kids like everything coloured, don't they. Boss has a love of glitter and pouring, so it works for him. A good mix is the salt mixed with a teeny amount of real glitter - when it's dried it doesn't look as naff.

Jumah today. What a shame this means nothing to the women-folk who have children.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

So to begin...

Today was a nice day masha'allah. Really masha'allah with a hearty alhamdulillah from my heart. I felt contentment all round. As Boss was a bit poorly yesterday it was nice to see him back to normal. After a late start I decided to let him do some painting. So far our craft sessions have had a "purpose" - either we've done numbers or letters or something he has to get his head around, and mostly they've ended up in scream-fests (my screams). But today it was painting for the sake of it, luvvy. And I didn't care what he did. It was so relaxed and he thoroughly enjoyed it.

Had intended it to be a session where he made tracks with his cars through paints and use Lego to make imprints on paper, but as always the paper is always incidental to the activity of making a gungy mess. I gave him only white paint and told him we were making snow pictures and tyres marks with our cars - which produced an instant big grin - then he ignored the paper and simply painted his cars white - "Look Mummy - SNOW". No problem. I showed him how to stick cotton wool on the paper and imprint Lego - yes, well done Mummy.

Then I let him loose with glue and glitter and this dyed salt thing I made which has the pouring effect of glitter but is a fraction of the cost. He liked that. He poured and poured and poured. My floor was being lost under a mountain of salt and paint and glitter and looked like a Mardis Gras hangover.

We cleaned up and then he did play doh and ate lunch at the same time, which he thoroughly enjoyed. Then I prayed salah and he happily played in the sitting room by himself - quite a content bunny masha'allah.

It's funny how, if I am just prepared to sit and read as many books as he wants, tell as many stories as he wants and simply have no hormonal imbalances, just how sweetly and calmly the day proceeds. By bed time today I was positively glowing with serenity and Boss' behaviour (whilst always good masha'allah) is really calm.

So it *is* all my fault when it all goes wrong.... that's the moral to this day. Damn.



So he *didn't* pull the curtains off this morning - his Dad *did* do it. So do I now get angry that he told a lie that he did it when he didn't, or do I now feel guilty that my son is so afraid of me he'd rather take the rap for something he didn't do just to abate the wrath???


How to do a LINKS section

Right, I won't bore you with the unnecessary details, but you all have a template. In there Blogger have put loads of things in it to help you style your blog better. If you play about with you will end up with stuff you didn't know you could do.

If you scroll down you will see various sections to the template and depending where you put your text depends where your stuff will appear.

NB where you see either { or } replace with < or > if I put the actual text with <> brackets it will just HTML it and you won't see what I'm talking about.

For links you are looking for {!-- Begin #sidebar --} tag. Scroll down after profile container if you want links under your profile, or above if you want them above.

{h2 class="sidebar-title">These Tags will give you a header{/h2}

To start a list you open it up with {ul} which basically means "unordered list". Then to add a link you start with {li} which means "list". So here is what you'd get for my Ambleside Online stuff:

{li}{a href=""}Year 0 {/a}{/li}
{li}{a href=""}Year 1 Books{/a}{/li}

Remember any tag you open needs to be closed if it is to work, so {ul} must somewhere be followed with a {/ul} just as a {a href="http://webpage"} needs {/a}

Have I been sufficiently patronising yet?

Anyway if you have Mozilla (not sure about Internet Explorer) you can goto View in your Toolbar at the top of you window and scroll down to "Page Source" and this will let you look at the webpage as a HTML document and you can see how people do all kinds of things (as well as get their links).

Phew. Hope that helps. Will blog about a.m. sooooooooon insha'allah :)


I don't have much against it. The Muslim world rotates around it. It's morally and legally wrong, of course and I abhore people who deal with it. But it suddenly hit home when I asked Boss for a kiss and cuddle on my way upstairs to offer salah the other day and he said, "Have you got some chocolate?" with a silly, hopeful grin on his face. I most certainly *did* have some chocolate, not that that I intended to give *him* any. So we bartered for five minutes; no chocolate no cuddle. So I explained to him that as his mother I had a moral (and I'm sure an Islamic) right to have a cuddle any time I choose. *Did I have any Polos then*. That really isn't important right now. Cuddle, please. "You go do salah and you get cuddle when you come downstairs insha'allah". OK. That's a promise. So I belted upstairs to offer my salah which was getting nearer to qazr with every passing second.

Came down stairs. "OK, I'll have my cuddle now. You promised." "ABU LAHI MIN SHAYTAN RAJIM (his way of saying "A'uzu billahi mina shaytan ir rajeem") I DID NOT SAY DAT".
You bleeding little liar. First bribery now lies!! It boiled down to a headlock in the end when I forced my agreed cuddle out of him, which he rubbed off immediately afterwards.

This morning I awoke to find his curtain pulled off the rails, and we have issues with curtains which he yanks when he looks out of any window and I think I have told him at least 40 times a day not to pull my curtains. Right. So imagine the look on his face when he saw a "I told you! How many times have I told you?!?" coming towards him looking like Oprah without the make-up. "WHO DID THAT"... his reply: "I don't know". *Starts fiddling with his hands in a nervous manner* "DID YOU DO IT?!"... his reply: "It fell off by itself", "No it didn't - things don't break by themselves - how did it happen?", then my boy really made me proud; he said, "I did it. But it was an accident..." Aw.... he told the truth. My incessant messges of how important it is to tell the truth have sunk in insha'allah. I immediately stop my tirade and praise him, "Well done for telling the truth. Mummy is happy when you tell the truth. And if it was an accident I'm not angry. *Cuddles him* Well done you are a GOOD boy masha'allah". To which I am treated with the punchline, "Daddy did it as well".

We are halfway there. Now all we have to do is work on the bribery, which let's face it is all my fault anyway. What do the Sufis say? If you turn a murderer into a mere thief then you have made progress...

I'm hoping that'll suffice on Judgement Day for me :S

Wednesday, February 23, 2005


Picassa is a free download which anyone with a digital camera really needs, especially if they have a blog and want to upload piccies. The great thing about it is that you can organise you photos and alter lighting effects etc. (as well as crop them to remove pictures of your children if you only want to show their work) before you send them to Hello and Blogger.

Get the download here

And I'm not getting paid to say that. Though the money would be nice if any Google/Picassa execs are out there and wish to donate...

Uh oh

Be afraid. Be very afraid.... article


... pretty much sums it up. Nothing to blog. Feel like crap on a stick, oh stop booting my bladder. Boss feeling yucky I'm feeling yucky. Hubby had cooked me a meal this afternoon. He's such a nice man masha'allah. But I came back to the smell of burn. "Did you burn something", "Yes, I nearly burned the house down". "Lovely. Anything else you haven't told me?", "I had to run out with the pan on fire and throw it into the garden - the neighbours ran out and tried to climb the (6ft) fence and asked if I was alright when they saw the explosion", "Explosion?!?", "Yes the fat caught fire because of the mustard seeds", *stunned silence*, "And anyway, good job the door was open because I was going to throw it out of the window but thought maybe I'd burn the net curtains" (*begins to wonder if I should praise him for this but stop myself in case it encourages him*), "so no harm done". "My plastic plates are charred", "Well, yeah, there was a fire ... " *no I mean MY PLASTIC PLATES ARE CHARRED!!!!*

Meal was good and I didn't have to cook it so ... bonus about the house not being burned down.

Brother and his wife went for their first scan today - I got a piccie via gmail. It looks like her. I dreamt they had a really "energetic" baby and apparently the kid wouldn't stop bouncing at the scan and they had to stay quite a long while to get a good shot of it. Hmm.... bouncy kids...

I'm pooped.

Night kids xx

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