Wednesday, August 31, 2005

What is life about

Sometimes (most of the time), we are so busy running to stand still that we forget or don't ponder what life is ultimately about. What is our destination? Where are we heading and what will ultimately help us at that point?

All else is futile

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Quote of the Day

Boss: *In the bath, grabs his willy* Diss is my willy

Me: Yes, it is.

Boss: I pee out of my willy.

Me: Yes, you do, that's right.

Boss: *Sits up slightly and pats bottom* Diss is my bottom.

Me: Yes, it is.

Boss: I poo out of my bottom.

Me: Yes, that's right.

Boss: *Contorts face into one of utter confusion, yanks testicles almost up to his chin and splutters* Well, are THESE then????

Laylatul Miraj

Tomorrow night

Ramadan activities?

Ramadan "Advent" Calendar

Moon phases

Another moon phases site

Perhaps some cookery things going on for sehri, iftar and Eid.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Sunday, August 28, 2005


Sister here for the weekend. V. nice. Everyone went to FerryMeadows today and had a ride on the miniature train etc etc.

Well, I say "everyone". I mean everyone except me. But they had a good time. Nice weather etc etc

The di-et is still in place. Haven't had any major binges. My desire to fit into real clothes again outweighs my desire for double chocolate chip choo-choo toffee muffins... just. And even if I haven't actually *lost* any weight, I can't have put any more on, and that is a bonus. Will update you on the di-et if I make any progress. It is becoming obvious however that exercise - strenuous exercise - will be needed to restore my uterus to it's correct position and to hone that flab....

Anybody notice that the word "diet" has the word "die" in it. Conincidence? I think not.

And "exercise" has the word "torture" in there if you look hard enough.

Newest installment

... in how to embarrass your parents/father-in-particular if you are 3 and 1/2 years old:

Boss: Aunty Emma - you got nipples?

Emma: Er, yeah.

Boss: *Gets up and pulls his T-Shirt up* These are mine. Show me yours

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Hmm... so who needs the therapy here:

Me: M, give me back that I need it

Boss: *walking off with a breastpad* No. I need it *Proceeds to lift his top up and says:* Where's my nipple? (I explain) You got a nipple Mum? (Yes) OK. *Finds a cuddly toy and says:" Diss is my baby. *Puts baby to his nipple and makes a smacking noise with his mouth* My baby is having his milk.

*Then, and this is the part that makes me ask the question above, he hurls, with every ounce of power he has in his body, the "baby" on the ground, replaces delicately the breastpad and screams:*

I'M FED UP. I AM FED UP *Begins to huff and puff* DISS BABY DOES NOT STOP PUK-ING! *Goes into manic scream mode* DISS BABY DOES NOT STOP PUKING!!! *Grabs a muslin square and crushes the "baby's" face with rage* I HAVE HAD ENOUGH I HATE DISS HOUSE. IT IS TOO SMALL. *sucks teeth* OH! ARGH! I AM FED UPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

Hubby quick to note: "He's doing you isn't he"

Yes, but he sulks like you.

Friday, August 26, 2005

The best part of the day...

Liking this

Look at Me. I'm So Important That I Have a Blog.

I wasn't always like this...

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I'm sad

and I shouldn't be and I don't know why I am. It's not bone-crushingly intense like PND or anything. It comes in waves and then I snap out of it when I try to reason why I am feeling that way.


I wish you could chloroform (trichloromethane or methyl trichloride) your kids to sleep. It would be just so much easier.

I need something to look forward to.

Ramadan's coming... woo-hoo ... except I still haven't made the 22 from LAST year up. Doh. Double doh with a helping of damn I need to pay for that.

Baby awake. Must dash

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


... you are not supposed to be able to pull yourself up into a sitting position at 8 weeks old??

Anyway, Khadijah - I've ringing you but you are not there. *tut tut*

Monday, August 22, 2005


*Sigh* ... *Grinds teeth* .... *Massages head*

OK, yes. I am on a diet. There is no escaping the fact that I am overweight. It cannot be hidden any longer. Years of wearing jalabiyya have conned me into thinking I am thin. I am not. Not in any conceivable form. OK, yes there are some tribes in Africa who think my bodyshape is the epitome of womanly beauty, but they are not people I hang out with. In medical terms I am two points off the scale from being officially obese. Yes, people: OBESE.

Now bear in mind that before I got married I was 7stone. Not healthy but damn I looked good. Now my weight has increased to... well let's just say there's a seven in there somewhere...

I have had enough. I want to be thin again. I am tired of wearing jogpants (why is it that the only thing fat people can wear is *jogpants*). I am tired of being round. Goddamn it - I want curves again - and not on my thighs.

So let's see. I've officially been on my diet since 9am this morning and already I feel as though I haven't eaten for 27 days. I am disappointed I haven't yet lost the three-ish stone I want to lose, because it feels by the sheer amount of pain in my head that I should have done...

All fat jokes this way,please...

Saturday, August 20, 2005

I can

look after a toddler/pre-schooler/whateverthehellheisnow. No problem. I can take care of a newborn. Easy-peasy. I can look after my fella. Imps. I can manage myself. I can cook. I can clean. I can home-educate. I can do a million-and-one things.

I just can't do them all at the same time!!

*Collapses in heap on the floor in pathetic exhaustion and confusion*

Friday, August 19, 2005

Just for the record

I hate all thin people. Especially thin people who have just had babies thus throwing my "I've just had a baby" excuse into dispute. And if one more three year old asks why my belly is so big......

But I tell myself - inside me there is a really thin person screaming to get out.

Actually there may be two, but the extra tyres muffle their cries...

And another thing

these thoughts run through my head sometimes:

If the plural of "mouse" is "mice", then why is the plural of "house" "houses" and not "hice"?

And what is the letter "x" for goddamn it? It is useless. Whenever it starts a word it makes the "z" sound, and whenever found in a word it makes a "-ks" sound. How do I convey this to a three year old?? Enough with the "x" already. I petition against the "x"; I am going to write to Tony abaout this...

I buckled btw

... and cleaned my house. It had to be done. Now I'm stressing over the dust and the windows. But it's rained and that counts as a wash.

If the good Lord had meant us to breastfeed

... He wouldn't have invented cows.

Conversely, and one for my husband to remember: if God had meant us to cook "real" food He wouldn't have invented microwaves, nor instilled sheer loathing of cooking in the hearts of females the world over.

Monday, August 15, 2005


as well as the everyday tonne of jobs I always do I also managed to make it into TOWN today for the first time since my legs packed in in May and since Jaws was born. The first time with two kids and a buggy board. Boss was a very good boy but I was a cranky Mum as usual. And then he got tired. But it wasn't all that bad. Jaws throws a few strops before feeds now, so as I sat trying to do his 11am feed he just screamed and screamed... *sigh* ... just take the damn nipple and be grateful...

I also managed to cut Boss' hair and wash the net curtains after all! Hurrah! (as well as a tonne of other washing - as usual)

Might go into town tomorrow again, or may go and get baby weighed. Haven't made my mind up. See how tired I am in morning insha'allah (I'm guessing dog tired, but what's new)

Need to iron some clothes and clean my windows. Also need to hoover badly. Could hoover, go into town, come back iron clothes then wash windows...

... yeah right.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I have hit a plateau...

...not in a good way. I have just hit it and stayed down for the count. I only have so much enegy and only so many hours where I can use both my arms at the same time. So the plateau has to stay hit... my house is a MESS and instead of fighting this fact I am going belly up and giving in. There is blood on my (new) net curtains. Hurray! There is snot embedded in my (recently washed) cushion covers. Lovely! Wallpaper is ripped from the bay window area. Great! My sofa has is thread-bare. Keep it coming! My (new 2nd hand) kitchen table has no wood left on the top through sheer recklessness. I love it! My carpets crunch and the dust levels inside my house exceed EU legal workplace limits BUT DO I CARE.... no, no, no.

OK, YES. Yes I care, but rather than stressing everyone out with repetitive phrase injury I have, for the sake of sanity and world peace, stopped nagging about it. The nagging never worked and I got a hernia. My house is a mess. When I have the time and energy I am sure this will be rectified insha'allah. Or if somebody buys me a lovely house with enough cupboards to hide the squalour. Or if Hannah comes and organises me and sorts my life out. (That would be GREAT btw), then it will be fine, but for now here is the key to my new-found "peace"... repeat after me:

"In the scheme of things this really doesn't matter....In the scheme of things this really doesn't matter....In the scheme of things this really doesn't matter....In the scheme of things this really doesn't matter....In the scheme of things this really doesn't matter....In the scheme of things this really doesn't matter...."

Yeah, I don't buy it either...

My sentiments exactly...

What is this the sound of:


Give in?

It's the sound of people walking on my carpets....

Thankyou Hannah for THIS blog. LMAO.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

They also say

"no rest for the wicked"...

.... I must be chronically evil then....


They say

a change is as good as a rest. But they are wrong. They quite clearly have not had kids. They obviously have not had the experience of having two lead pipes for arms and concrete for legs. Nothing... NOTHING is as good as a rest. Rest rules.

Whatever it is.


is for wimps!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Ten things...

...every kid should know:

1. "No" really *does* mean "No".

2. No, really

3. Spit is not for sharing

4. Put your brother DOWN

5. Girls do not like having their hair pulled or bugs catapulted at them

6. Girls do not like having their hair pulled or bugs catapulted at them... yes technically it's the same point, but such a LARGE one that it really is worth mentioning twice

7. Chocolate is not a food group

8. Yes, you *do* have to clean your teeth

9. Even though your mother is mentally retarded and screams like an animal being chased by a butcher with a meat-cleaver every time you take a step out of line, she loves you very much

10. Snot and poo do not impress adults


Ah yes. *That* old thing. Well, here goes:

The alpha-amino acid Phenylalanine exists in two forms, the D- and L- forms, which are enantiomers (mirror image molecules) of each other. It has a benzyl side chain. Its name comes from the fact that its chemical structure consists of a phenyl group substituted for one of the hydrogens in the side chain of alanine. Because of its phenyl group, phenylalanine is an aromatic compound. At room temperature, it is a white, powdery solid.
L-Phenylalanine (LPA) is an electrically neutral amino acid, one of the twenty common amino acids used to biochemically form proteins, coded for by DNA. Its enantiomer, D-phenylalanine (DPA), can be synthesized artificially.

* Structural chemical formula: NH2CH(CH2C6H5)COOH
* pK1 (α-COOH): 2.20
* pK2 (α-NH3+): 9.31
* Protein Occurrence: 3.9%

L-phenylalanine is used in living organisms, including the human body, where it is an essential amino acid. L-phenylalanine can also be converted into L-tyrosine, another one of the twenty protein-forming amino acids. L-tyrosine is converted into L-DOPA, norepinephrine, and epinephrine. D-phenylalanine can only be converted into phenylethylamine.

The genetic disorder phenylketonuria is an inability to metabolize phenylalanine.

The synthesized mix DL-Phenylalanine (DLPA), which is a combination of the D- and L- forms, is used as a nutritional supplement.

Phenylalanine is part of the composition of aspartame, a common sweetener found in prepared foods (particularly soft drinks, and gum). Due to phenylketonuria, products containing aspartame usually have a warning label that they contain phenylalanine, in compliance with U.S. FDA guidelines.

The genetic codon for phenylalanine was the first to be discovered. Marshall W. Nirenberg discovered that when he inserted m-RNA made up of multiple uracil repeats into E. coli, the bacterium produced a new protein, made up solely of repeated phenylalanine amino acids.

Phenylalanine uses the same active transport channel as tryptophan to cross the blood-brain barrier, and in large quantities interferes with the production of serotonin.

Phenylalanine is a hidden danger to anyone consuming aspartame. Most consumers don't know that too much Phenylalanine is a neurotoxin and excites the neurons in the brain to the point of cellular death.

ADD/ADHD, emotional and behavioral disorders can all be triggered by too much Phenylalanine in the daily diet. If you are one in ten thousand people who are PKU or carry the PKU gene, Phenylalanine can cause irreversible brain damage and death, especially when used in high quantities or during pregnancy. Phenylalanine is 50% of aspartame, and to the degree humans consume diet products, Phenylalanine levels are reaching a dangerous peak.

The 1976 Groliers encyclopedia states cancer cannot live without phenylalanine. Phenylalanine makes up 50% of aspartame.

Phenylalanine is one of the essential amino acids found in proteins.

Phenylalanine is found naturally in foods such as eggs, milk, bananas, and meat. If you are PKU (Phenylketonuric) or sensitive to phenylalanine, you will react to the phenylalanine in aspartame. You may want to get a blood test to check for this condition. Over the past 20 years, humans have become more aware of PKU reactions because human beings began using isolated phenylalanine to the degree it is harmful to some individuals, many as aspartame side effects.

Hope that helps.

Monday, August 08, 2005

I have too much dust in my house. I can see no surface. I am upset by this. People have started writing me messages in it. Bad messages. Like "clean me" and "also available in glass". I am not amused by this. I haven't cooked a meal since before Jaws was born. I don't like cooking and am not too bothered by this fact, but am starting to feel a bit like a shirker of duties *pulls face* so will have to cook something soon. *Grinds teeth*. I am displeased by this fact also.

What's wrong with jam sandwiches, anyway? It's a nutritious, well-rounded meal covering many of the food groups - protein, carbohydrates, fat, fibre.... what more do you want. Plus it doubles as a dessert 'cos it's sweet. Any more complaints and I'll be taking the Aboriginal approach and offering the British alternative to Witchetty grubs and grass for main meals... *muffles evil laugh*

Educationally we have done zip. As usual. Probably will never happen. If Boss turns 17 and is still riding his tractor making diesel noises somebody please save him and turn me into the police. Thanks.

My sister informs me she has taken to wall-climbing as a hobby. But she didn't even *try* to climb the living room wall when I asked her to show me... Parents were here on Sunday. Pretty basic, straight-forward occasion. I didn't give them witchetty grubs and bark, however. No. They had oven chips. And ketchup. Ketchup... very good source of lycopene ... and sugar... another important food group. Kinda.

Anyhoo, nothing much to add. Well, there is but my brain resembles scrambled egg and I can't remember what else I was going to rattle on about. Off to see Hannah's blog...

Saturday, August 06, 2005

I love my sons

Just for the record.

Boss has stupid amounts of energy and hasn't been socialised properly I'll give you that... but he is such a good kid masha'allah. And I'm such a cow of a mother. *Sigh* I wish I could be a *nice* mum...

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Me: M, when you're looking out of the window and people wave at you from their cars, wave back - it's nice

Boss: *silence*

Me: And when people say "hello" to you, answer them "hello" back. It's nice.

Boss: *silence*

Me: Don't ignore people

B: *silence*

Me: It's not nice

B: *silence*

Me: Are you ignoring me?

B: Yes

Me: Well, don't. I'm not ignorable.

B: But Mummy - I can't wave back.

Me: Why not?

B: I'm too busy looking at the badges of the cars...

Boys... *rolls eyes*

Mum's with boys share my chuckle...


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